DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

[RainbowDr0p]

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

Sometimes people really can't do right for doing wrong. That is the most ridiculous aibu I have ever heard.

Same 😕

He's possibly checking in on you in case you've been biting your tongue and going along with things for his sake, but actually have been suffering in some way and could do with some help or someone to listen to you.

Or else he's phrasing a bland enough statement as a question somewhat out of insecurity.

Either way, I think you're being a bit harsh.

Did you organise all the outings/think them up/book the panto/Pizzahut? Or did he? Probably key. I’d find it a bit odd that he asked, given he was with you. We might look back and recall how lovely a day was some months later, not immediately afterwards.

Sorry OP don't understand at all .. me and dh often ask each other have we enjoyed a day or evening after the fact.

I’m glad my husband didn’t ask me if I’d had a good Christmas, the answer sadly would have been a resounding no.

I do this! It’s a moment to quietly appreciate the nice, shared experiences after the day has calmed down.

@RainbowDr0p your DH is trying to be nice, and re-live some of the Christmas magic moments! It's a nice thing to talk about.

Or perhaps you've been looking like you've got a mardy face on so he's trying to establish why it looks like you haven't had fun when he thought you had??

I think being asked twice if you had a nice Christmas is weird. My husband and I only tend to ask that sort of question if the other wasn't there and then it's a more open ended "how was it?" Being asked if I'm having a nice time all the time would annoy me.

Oh god I do.
It's because you are going through the day/Christmas together. So it's only a pertinent question if he sees you looking a bit quiet or whatever during the day.
If you've both clearly had a good time there's no point in asking question. He knows the answer.
Why not say something like " that was a fun Christmas" as a statement. Stupid questions are annoying.

I certainly don't understand the OP...

I suppose I'd better stop asking my wife if she's had a nice time or how her day has been. I'm sure she'll appreciate it...

It seems like a perfectly normal question. Just because both my husband and I were in the same place and appeared to be enjoying it doesn’t mean we experienced it in the same way. I’d probably answer by saying “yes, I particularly enjoyed (this aspect)” or “yes, (this) thing was particularly funny” or “yes but I found (this) tough” which then becomes a debrief and shared memory of the day. I like to end a day with a chat about how it’s gone. I’d check in with him in the same way

Why so tetchy? Your poor partner.....

I get it, OP. I have relatives who do this, and it feels like being prompted to gush, like a script has been written and I have lines to say. Even though I have taken care to be effusive already.

Over the top response to this. Sound a bit grouchy to me, sorry!

Well, given the tone of OP’s post I’d say the chances are very high that he has seen her looking ‘quiet or whatever’ during the day. And unless he’s telepathic (rare gift in men) I’d say he can have no idea whether she has ‘clearly had a good time’ either.

Give the poor bloke a break - and maybe peruse the other threads about slobby BFs who’ve bought nothing, not cleaned up, not ordered any special food and fallen asleep on the sofa… actually, given the man a hug!

Your poor partner.

Sounds like DH has given you the ick for some reason.

I think it's a normal nice question. He's checking in and being attentive.

Not really. Being present doesn't automatically mean he knows OP had a good day. For all he knows she might have been putting on a good act and actually she was a bit bored, or tired, or whatever.

Don't try and blame your nasty reaction on possibly being 'ND'.
I hate neurodiversity being used as a catch all for poor behaviour on this site.

I ask my DH if he's had a nice day when it's something like Christmas, birthdays, days out etc. because it means we can chat about what was nice, things that made us laugh, things we'd rather not do again and so on. It gives him the opportunity to tell me things DD said or did while I was doing the cooking or me to tell him things that happened while he was on the phone to his mum or whatever we were doing. He will do the same.

It's fairly normal couple chat at the end of a lovely day. If it really irritates you when your DH does it, then there's an underlying reason, maybe because you think he doesn't do enough often enough or because you don't like something else about him. It can't be just that question.

I don't get the annoyance. DH and I ask eachother all the time did we have fun tonight, have a good day, enjoy whatever activity or whatever. To me it keeps communication open and allows the other to say 'actually no I didn't really like this' if we didn't like it. Or to talk about what we liked and enjoyed.

So you both spent every single second glued together? You experienced every aspect in exactly the same way? At no point did you go to the loo or check on dinner or leave the room he was in? Your sprouts tasted perfect to both of you?

Is this the way he and his family tend to communicate also? Its probably just how he was brought up.

Like you, when I'm with my sisters, every interaction has a clear purpose and expects a clear answer. If we don't have anything to say, we either change the subject or sit quietly.

My OH and his mum just waffle on a LOT and say a lot of unnecessary things repeatedly to pass the time.

I've got used to it by now :)

Do you think you might have been upset about something else (unrelated to the husband)? That sometimes makes me overreact.

I'm not sure what the issue is?
Me and DH ask each other this and it leads to a discussion about our favourite bits and what we're looking forward to doing over the coming days.

It's just nice conversation.