DH asking if I had a nice Christmas irks me

[RainbowDr0p]

I know I am probably BU but wondering if I am alone in this?!

We've had a lovely few days, Christmas's ice skating, mulled wine and shopping in York then lovely Christmas day and pizza hut, shopping and a panto yesterday. Everyone in good spirits.

On Christmas evening, DH asked if I had a nice day. I bit my tongue and said yes, have you?" and he said yes too. Last night he asked if I had a nice Christmas and I said I had but I hated being asked that as had I given any indication otherwise? He said he was just trying to make conversation and I told him he's not my hairdresser! We didn't row or anything and moved on just fine.

I've realised he asks this a lot after we have had nice days or unusual days. AIBU in thinking it's an unimaginative - maybe praise seeking - question?!!!

That's a fair comment 😆

Really? Wow… we talk about this all the time! A mandatory de-brief when everyone gone home! My husband is literally my best gossip buddy, so I’m honestly surprised you’re annoyed that he’s asking about this. Yes, I had a lovely Christmas, BUT DID YOU HEAR what the 5th cousin of Auntie Jane said to their sibling about X? And let’s not forget how Uncle Bob tried to pass off his store-bought pie as homemade—everyone knew! Same goes for evenings out, honestly. I’ll never get bored of it—who’s dating who, who said what, and all the little drama in between.

We have this!

"Have you cheeseboarded it?" When the other person clearly needs to decompress.

Agree with others, it sounds like it’s a genuine attempt to initiate a reflective conversation about what you enjoyed, remind of any bits you meant to chat about when it’s over etc (“I meant to say, when you were in the kitchen with Bob, Betty told me she’s booked a surprise sky-dive for his 40th, can’t wait to see his reaction…. etc”)

Jesus I’m all for calling out shitty behaviour in men but the poor guy can’t even ask if you’ve enjoyed your Christmas without you getting irritated?

I would ask this so as to check in with others. It’s so sad that you are reading such bad faith into it

How odd to get irked by this.

My DH has also asks me a few times, usually giving me a hug and just seeking reassurance that I’ve had a lovely Christmas. Strangely, given how much I/we have to do to get the house ready for visiting family and all the present buying that usually lands at my feet, he tends to be concerned that the stress and business might not have been compensated for in how ‘lovely’ Christmas was and worries that I’ve not had a good time. I tend to see it as a caring and loving thing.

If you bite his head off every time he asks, then I can only assume that you are telegraphing your annoyance and irked-ness in other ways. Feel rather sorry for your DH tbh.

Perfectly normal and nice conversation to have. And kind.

Why do you only have to say yes? You can reply honestly as to what you felt. It doesn't have to be as extreme as going shit. There is an in-between. It could be possible that something irritated him or you or something was particularly nice. We all do that within a family, share/recap opinions and feelings.

Ah so you can say “I need time to think, can’t say right now, the five hour round trip was annoying”

if I were you I’d want to think about the concept of “unmentionable” and why I feel like that, what’s going on

Seriously OP? If this is all it takes to be pissed off at your husband then you need to check yourself. You sound very hard work.

Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. He's probably quite confused now. Maybe he's just checking that he hasn't misread what on the outside seemed a very good day to him? To me, it suggests that he actually cares if you had a good day or not.

I wouldn't like this either - feels too formal and like he doesn't know you or how you feel

You sound extremely prickly. Maybe he's walking on eggshells trying not to irritate you?

Blimey, I can’t see what he’s doing wrong here. You, on the other hand….

Sweet heavens 😥

Fucking hell, what a total bastard, you should leave him immediately!

This is the kind of thing I’d ask, just wanting to check in and confirm the day had genuinely been enjoyed, even if I’d been present and they seemed like they had been happy.
Unless there is some big backstory I think you’re being odd and really not very nice to get annoyed about this.

I think you’re seeing this as “small talk” where I think your husband is seeing it as checking in. He wants to be sure you’ve enjoyed it, id much rather this than he not check in at all.

My DP and I will do this when we’ve had a nice day together, just ask “have you had a nice day?” Because maybe I know I have, but just making sure you’ve also found it special and haven’t been disappointed by anything. It opens the conversation “Oh yes it’s been lovely, I did get a bit stressed at the market though, I’d rather skip that part next time”

Jesus. It's just a bid for connection. He wants to talk to you and hear your thoughts. His choice of opening isnt even that bad. I agree with others, you sound like super hard work.

🤣🤣

I do not wish to be rude, but suppose I am doing, but you sound a right odd bod ! Do you look for a negative in everything in the poor man?

Wow...you're being unreasonable. Completely normal to ask.

I don't think it matters that he was present for all the events you are describing. He might have enjoyed them but isn't treating you like an extension of him by assuming you did too so he's just asking.

You see able to tell him you need time to decompress when he asks about your day and you don't say that he gets annoyed by that so he seems to respect your boundaries too.

I think you need to give him credit for being interested in your life rather than being annoyed; that's just weird given that you are married.

Poor men can’t do anything right these days! 🙄