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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like my niece and nephews

230 replies

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:20

Is that normal?

I'm pretty sure it's unreasonable

My niece and nephews are objectively quite nice little people. They mean no harm. They r all primary school age and a little younger than my own DC. The problem is though, I don't like them!

I often hear friends rave about their niece's and nephews. Only today a friend texted me about how lovely it has been for her to spend Christmas with her niece and nephew.

But I don't feel it at all. I know I should love my niece and nephews to bits, but I just dont. In fact, I actively dislike them! (Sorry, I know that's not nice. I obviously don't let them know. I'm v nice to them, praise them, tell their parents how sweet/clever/etc.. they are....)

I obviously love my own DCs, and I like most of their friends - so it isn't a blanket dislike of all children who aren't mine! But my niece and nephews really annoy me and no, I don't enjoy spending time with them.

Anyone else?
Why is this?
Will I grow to love them and stop finding them annoying?

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 27/12/2024 00:22

I don’t think loving your nieces and nephews is automatic or compulsory. Just have minimal contact and be nice - they might get less annoying as they get bigger

CraftyOP · 27/12/2024 00:23

Not so weird. I'm pretty jealous of people who get to be a proper aunt, I really love mine and want to be the same but sometimes that doesn't work out

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 27/12/2024 00:25

Why do you dislike them?

As long as you make the effort when needed, there's little you can do. Maybe you'll grow to like them

KimberleyClark · 27/12/2024 00:26

It’s perfectly acceptable for you to dislike your niece and nephews as you have children. If you were childless and you disliked them you’d be a child hating monster.

OrwellianTimes · 27/12/2024 00:26

Are you my sister in law? She’s made it clear she doesn’t like my kids whilst constantly boasting about her own.

It’s just sad. My kids never get to play with their cousins. They are wonderful kids. Kind, intelligent, funny, well behaved. Just get over yourself for goodness sakes. They are kids.

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:27

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2024 00:22

I don’t think loving your nieces and nephews is automatic or compulsory. Just have minimal contact and be nice - they might get less annoying as they get bigger

Thanks. Most people I know seem to love their niece's and nephews so much. I feel like because they are family, I should love them and have some kind of a bond. But I just really dont...

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 27/12/2024 00:28

It's a little odd. Is there any backstory?

fourelementary · 27/12/2024 00:28

What’s your relationship like with their parent (your sibling)?

Sockmate123 · 27/12/2024 00:30

How do you feel about their parents? I love my nephews but can't stand their Mum (my sister!) and it affects how much i do with them because of their mum 😔

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:31

OrwellianTimes · 27/12/2024 00:26

Are you my sister in law? She’s made it clear she doesn’t like my kids whilst constantly boasting about her own.

It’s just sad. My kids never get to play with their cousins. They are wonderful kids. Kind, intelligent, funny, well behaved. Just get over yourself for goodness sakes. They are kids.

Edited

No, I'm not your sil. I am nice to my niece and nephews and try to spoil them a bit because I feel that's what I should do. I'm always complimentary about them. But it's not genuine (I'm sorry to admit).

OP posts:
OolongTeaDrinker · 27/12/2024 00:31

I can understand you feeling ambivalent towards them, but actively disliking them for no apparent reason does seem very odd, and in your position I would be curious to find out why as there is clearly something in your own psyche that they are triggering for you. Do you have a strained relationship with their parents, do they seem to have more advantages in life than your own kids etc? I would want to get to the bottom of any irrational feelings that I had..

thesunisastar · 27/12/2024 00:32

It does seem odd to have such a strong dislike to them specifically, while having positive feelings towards other children of similar ages. It makes me feel that there must be something else at play, even if it is at a subconscious level. Jealousy perhaps, for taking attention away from your DC in the wider family? Or something else?

What exactly is it about them you find irritating enough to cause you to actively not like them? The only thing I can think of (which would actually be quite understandable) is if they were bullying or being really unpleasant towards your own DC. Is that's what is happening?

OrwellianTimes · 27/12/2024 00:36

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:31

No, I'm not your sil. I am nice to my niece and nephews and try to spoil them a bit because I feel that's what I should do. I'm always complimentary about them. But it's not genuine (I'm sorry to admit).

Show quote history

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you make the effort with them and love them in that way it’s totally different from what we’ve experienced.

What we’ve experienced has been downright cruel and hurtful. We have no idea why (other than I stoped DH kowtowing to SiL’s every whim).

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:36

fourelementary · 27/12/2024 00:28

What’s your relationship like with their parent (your sibling)?

I have a nephew that is my sibling's son, and a niece and nephew that are my sil's children.

I love my sibling and we've always been close.

I'm not overly keen on my sil, but we get on and have never fallen out. We r just different people. She's nice enough. She probably feels same about me (ie. We get along ok, but she probably wouldn't choose me as a friend if we weren't in-laws)

My DH seems to love his niece and nephew
....

OP posts:
SingingSands · 27/12/2024 00:37

I felt like this about mine when they were children as they were the "golden grandchildren" and quite annoying.

I think they're great now they are in their twenties and much more interesting!

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:38

OrwellianTimes · 27/12/2024 00:36

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you make the effort with them and love them in that way it’s totally different from what we’ve experienced.

What we’ve experienced has been downright cruel and hurtful. We have no idea why (other than I stoped DH kowtowing to SiL’s every whim).

Show quote history

Sorry to hear that :(

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 27/12/2024 00:38

I'll admit it, I don't warm to DB's children. I really want to, but I just don't.
I adore my DSis's children though.

All my nieces and nephews are young adults now. I have an incredibly close relationship with my sister's children, and I absolutely adore the bond I have with them.
I just don't have the same with my brother's children.

If I'm honest, it's probably reflective of my sibling relationships?
My sister and I are close, and I love how she's raised her children - we feel like a unit together, as my children love her just as much.

My DB is an arsehole, and he's raised his children to be just like him.
It's not their fault, but I just don't have the warmth towards them.

Hopper123 · 27/12/2024 00:40

I love my nephews and if they were ever in need of help I'd be there like a shot because they are my nephews but I don't like them very much and that's because they have been so attached to the apron strings and nobody was allowed to look after them or do anything fun with them when they were little so we just have no relationship really as that bonding time never happened. I also am really perplexed that my brother does not seem to have instilled any manners or basic courtesy in them ie: never a thank you for gifts etc even if my brother is sitting there next to them, not moving or being asked by brother or sister in law to move off the comfortable chairs so their grandparents ornother adults can sit down our kids get told and have to suck it up on the floor!! not how we were brought up so I don't get it at all. They also as a family unit just seem to lack any kind of get up and go or personality so it's really hard going to get any kind of conversation going, again not how my brother used to be. So yes I don't think it's a natural thing to just adore them. My husbands brother and wife have 2 kids and I feel much more attached and do actually adore them but I'm allowed to be an aunty to them whereas I feel that was taken away from me with my blood nephews and my mum feels the same way about being grandma to them as she was never allowed near them either. It's just odd as we never had any family drama's or anything and we're not overbearing in any way my sister in law was just a massive coddler and my brother enabled it and it's led to a real disconnect. Very sad and I do mourn that loss of being a proper aunty to them.

Purplevelvetshoes · 27/12/2024 00:42

If there is genuinely no reason for you to dislike them then the issue is you. Maybe have a look at the wider relationship you have with your sibling and why you transfer that in to their kids

Stretchanoctave · 27/12/2024 00:47

Are you jealous maybe? Do you feel they are more clever/attractive/polite than your children. Seems odd to dislike children who you admit are quite nice little people.

catscalledbeanz · 27/12/2024 00:49

I love but do not like my nephews nor nieces. What's more- I have a favourite.in fact I have a tier- in case of emergency I'd save my fave first, and after that I'd have to go from "person I think will be good as an adult" to "I'm sorry this one is from my lone" . I fear that parenting has become useless. I don't blame my
Nieces and nephews but rather my siblings for the failure.

Endofyear · 27/12/2024 00:50

I think it's very odd to actively dislike small children when you've said that they are objectively nice little people. So it's not because of bad behaviour. Do you normally actively dislike people for no reason?

Cantthinkofonenow · 27/12/2024 00:52

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gloriawasright · 27/12/2024 00:52

Not weird at all. I can't muster up any affection for a lot of the children in my family. DNA might be there and they may be "blood" family. But if the feeling isn't there it just isn't.

mrlistersgelfbride · 27/12/2024 00:58

It's ok.
I secretly don't like my niece much but she's a spoilt thing like her dad ..my partner's brother.
(my own sibling doesn't have kids).
She hasn't been particularly nice to my DD and pulls her hair and screams at her. And we have to get on with it and can't say anything or we are the arseholes!
They may get less annoying as they get older, she's only little. I just bite my tongue and try my best but it's a relief when they have gone home!

My nephew is little ray of sunshine but again his mum and dad are more relaxed people that we get on with better...I think the parents are the crux of the whole situation really.