Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like my niece and nephews

230 replies

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 00:20

Is that normal?

I'm pretty sure it's unreasonable

My niece and nephews are objectively quite nice little people. They mean no harm. They r all primary school age and a little younger than my own DC. The problem is though, I don't like them!

I often hear friends rave about their niece's and nephews. Only today a friend texted me about how lovely it has been for her to spend Christmas with her niece and nephew.

But I don't feel it at all. I know I should love my niece and nephews to bits, but I just dont. In fact, I actively dislike them! (Sorry, I know that's not nice. I obviously don't let them know. I'm v nice to them, praise them, tell their parents how sweet/clever/etc.. they are....)

I obviously love my own DCs, and I like most of their friends - so it isn't a blanket dislike of all children who aren't mine! But my niece and nephews really annoy me and no, I don't enjoy spending time with them.

Anyone else?
Why is this?
Will I grow to love them and stop finding them annoying?

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 07:21

Twilightstarbright · 27/12/2024 07:18

I can relate OP. If a gun was at my head I couldn’t say I liked my niece because I just don’t know her. Without being massively outing, SIL and BIL are expats and my nephews went to an international school so speak English. Due to Covid I didn’t meet niece until she was almost 4, and it’s really hard as we FaceTime but she doesn’t speak English at all and despite SIL being half English she says she’s not going to teach her it. DH feels the same and doesn’t speak the language either beyond hello and goodbye. He’s told his sister it’ll impact the relationship between our children but since she’s got second and third cousins on her doorstep she doesn’t care. Makes me so sad.

MIL has told us that she doesn’t like our DS- concedes he’s a nice child but she thinks his interests and topics of conversation are boring (he’s 8). So yeah…

Gosh that sounds tough and Im sorry your mil has expressed such opinions about your little DS

OP posts:
ColinOfficeTrolley · 27/12/2024 07:21

I love my siblings kids way more than I love my husbands siblings kids.

I would walk over hot coals for my sibs kids. My husband's siblings kids, I could take or leave.

Kehlani · 27/12/2024 07:21

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 07:16

I think the poster was implying they are someone that might also be called nasty by canthinkofonenow. The poster was sharing their experience with me which was kind, and appearing to stick up for me in the face of someone calling me nasty, which I appreciated.

Show quote history

Surely you can see your situation is different though. You say your niece and nephews are nice little kids, and you see them once a year.

It’s fine not to like them but it’s strange you don’t seem to have much insight in why you don’t like them.

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 07:23

Kehlani · 27/12/2024 07:21

Surely you can see your situation is different though. You say your niece and nephews are nice little kids, and you see them once a year.

It’s fine not to like them but it’s strange you don’t seem to have much insight in why you don’t like them.

Edited
Show quote history

Sure, of course

OP posts:
RadioCountdown · 27/12/2024 07:29

HRTFT too tired. But ask yourself who they remind you of. Is it an aspect of your relatives that you don’t like. Or even an aspect of yourself.

Movingon2024 · 27/12/2024 07:32

This is such an enlightening thread.

i have three siblings, all with kids. We are a very dysfunctional family (abuse).

one adult niece I try to like and can’t. She is really rude and self absorbed. If I am honest like her mum, my SIL. Her sister is nice though.

my sister’s children I also try to like, but it’s hard - same self absorption and selfishness.

brother’s 3 kids I have the most affection for, they are lovely.

i treat them all the same, of course. But my relationship with them is very reflective of my relationship with their parents, my siblings.

need to think about this.

SneakyLilNameChange · 27/12/2024 07:40

I find my nephew quite difficult. It doesn’t help he and my eldest were born at virtually the same time so I was never able to obsess over him as a baby as I was super busy with my own newborn. He was a much more tricky newborn/toddler (cried a lot, tantrums) and now as a 7 year old is soooo loud and hyper, he wakes at 5am and wakes the whole house and is just a LOT. I love him but I don’t enjoy spending time with him tbh but would never let him know.

2021x · 27/12/2024 07:43

It’s Ok to not like people… even children. I like my neflings….their mother on the other hand…

TinselTuesday · 27/12/2024 07:46

We've just had a family debrief about the nieces/nephews. Will you keep in touch with your cousins and the answer is probably no.

I thought we'd all be hanging out loads pre children. As siblings the gaps in our 20s weren't huge but partners and kids sent us all off in different directions.
I honestly feel no connection or mild irritation tinged with sadness at them. I absolutely do judge the parents but as the kids get older I feel more justified in disliking them independently.
The grandparents in this have at times not helped but I also wonder if they are on here, looking for tips on managing six GCs plus two off the scale unpleasant step kids.

Newname71 · 27/12/2024 07:58

I have several neices and nephews on my husbands side but most of them were in their 20’s when DH and I met. DH isn’t particularly close to any of his siblings so we’re not close to any of the N’s or N’s, it wouldn’t bother me if I never saw any of them again. I have one niece on my side. She’s 17, I adore her!! She’s autistic, selective mute with people she doesn’t know and family only get 1or 2 word answers, apart from my 17 year old DS. She will happily chat with him. They’re so different, she’s very young for her age, DS is 17 going on 45. She has one friend, DS is a social butterfly. He’s so kind and patient and knows just what level to meet her on. She absolutely blooms in his company.

Tandora · 27/12/2024 08:20

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 06:57

That was a different poster who mentioned about hair pulling. Not me!

Show quote history

but so why do you actively dislike them? Are you going to engage with that question??
Not feeling particularly close/ not having a bond I can understand, but where does the active dislike come from , when you say they are nice kids? What is going on , I don’t get it?

Kehlani · 27/12/2024 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Miffylou · 27/12/2024 08:35

FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 06:57

That was a different poster who mentioned about hair pulling. Not me!

Show quote history

Oh, sorry! But that makes it even more puzzling to me how you can dislike any children when they are "objectively quite nice".

Miffylou · 27/12/2024 08:41

BitterAndTwistedClub · 27/12/2024 02:43

I have several nieces who were the most obnoxious and badly behaved children ever encountered. They have grown up to be obnoxious adults! I have always disliked them intensely. Mind you their parents are exactly the same. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to like them. Those who say they can’t understand this come across as slightly smug!

But in your case they were and are obnoxious, giving you good cause to dislike them. The OP says her niece and nephews are "quite nice" and doesn’t seem able to explain why, then, she dislikes them.

JohnMcClanesVest · 27/12/2024 08:50

My niece and nephew were horrible probably until the age of about 9/10. We used to say that black clouds were gathering whenever they came to visit, then they became the wonderful humans that they are. I love them like my own. You do need to make an effort to get to know them though.

Guinessandafire · 27/12/2024 09:01

I'm not bothered about mine at all, we don't live in the same city and I hardly give them a second thought.
When I do see them everything is fine, but there's no bond or real interest in either direction.
I don't believe in strong relationships just because 'faaaamily'

Blushingm · 27/12/2024 09:04

I'm not keen on my niece - she's irritating and spoiled and just has to be the centre of attention. Always has done.

My DB and SIL have both passed away but she was irritating and spoiled before that

TitaniasAss · 27/12/2024 09:06

I have 4 nieces and 1 nephew. I adore my nephew and 2 of my nieces but I dislike one of my nieces. I find her rude. She's the youngest out of all the family children (15) and I've tried really hard with her, but it's just the way it is. Her sister is a lovely, friendly girl and I adore her.

Rocksaltrita · 27/12/2024 09:06

Love my siblings’ DC - lovely little ones and nicely brought up. I suppose similarly to how we were brought up, so it works out! BIL and SIL’s DC - try really hard but they’ve been so wrapped up in cotton wool that even the most basic thing is a drama and it’s hard work.

Didimum · 27/12/2024 09:09

I’m quite indifferent to all my nieces and nephews – 6 of them. I’m indifferent to all kids except my own though. I did really like two of my nieces when they were first born, before I had kids of my own, but then it quickly became clear how hard work children are … it definitely put me off having my own for another few years.

Whattodo202023 · 27/12/2024 09:09

I thought I diskiked DNeph4 because he was always a handful, didn't do anything he was asked and continually played up.

Then we had him over without his parents there and it was like a totally different child. Really sweet, polite, kind and genuinely lovely.

Motherofacertainage · 27/12/2024 09:23

I get this totally. I have lots of nieces and nephews and some I totally love but one nephew I have never warmed to. He's a bit whingey and imho spoiled. It's not his fault, he's an indulged only one and only primary aged but compared with the others I just find him irritating. My other nieces and nephews I find funny, some quirky and all fab in their own sweet ways and I really like children in general. We spent Christmas day with him and he gets stroppy when everything is not on his terms which really grinds my gears. Thank you for giving me a safe space to confess that!!!

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 27/12/2024 09:55

livingafulllife · 27/12/2024 01:11

Im not close to any of my siblings kids not one of them.
Im more of big sister to my own son thats a different story.
Ive just never been that family needy person.

This sounds 🚩🚩🚩

Jifmicroliquid · 27/12/2024 10:27

If you admit that you don’t like a child very much, people assume you are a horrible person. The reality is that there are traits in some people, regardless of age, that we find difficult or unlikeable. Children are just people, albeit young ones.

I can only take my friends daughter in small doses. She is very switched on, but very spoilt and her parents are so keen to avoid her massive tantrums that they parent her very ‘gently/passively’. For instance she will shout loudly over and over for everyone to shut up because they are annoying her (when people are just talking) and her parents reaction is to go “oh ok, I’m sorry we are all annoying you, we’ll all be quiet”
If I’d have shouted at grown-ups to shut up at that age, I’d have been carted out of the room by my pig tails and been given a serious telling off.

Original poster
FeelBadAboutIt · 27/12/2024 10:53

Newname71 · 27/12/2024 07:58

I have several neices and nephews on my husbands side but most of them were in their 20’s when DH and I met. DH isn’t particularly close to any of his siblings so we’re not close to any of the N’s or N’s, it wouldn’t bother me if I never saw any of them again. I have one niece on my side. She’s 17, I adore her!! She’s autistic, selective mute with people she doesn’t know and family only get 1or 2 word answers, apart from my 17 year old DS. She will happily chat with him. They’re so different, she’s very young for her age, DS is 17 going on 45. She has one friend, DS is a social butterfly. He’s so kind and patient and knows just what level to meet her on. She absolutely blooms in his company.

Aww... That sounds like such a lovely relationship :)

OP posts: