I don't like my niece and nephews

[FeelBadAboutIt]

Is that normal?

I'm pretty sure it's unreasonable

My niece and nephews are objectively quite nice little people. They mean no harm. They r all primary school age and a little younger than my own DC. The problem is though, I don't like them!

I often hear friends rave about their niece's and nephews. Only today a friend texted me about how lovely it has been for her to spend Christmas with her niece and nephew.

But I don't feel it at all. I know I should love my niece and nephews to bits, but I just dont. In fact, I actively dislike them! (Sorry, I know that's not nice. I obviously don't let them know. I'm v nice to them, praise them, tell their parents how sweet/clever/etc.. they are....)

I obviously love my own DCs, and I like most of their friends - so it isn't a blanket dislike of all children who aren't mine! But my niece and nephews really annoy me and no, I don't enjoy spending time with them.

Anyone else?
Why is this?
Will I grow to love them and stop finding them annoying?

Thanks all! I was feeling a bit mean, but you've helped me see its ok to not like them.

The thread has also made me reflect on what it is I don't like and why they grate on me, which is helpful. I think if I'm honest, the trait I don't like in my sibling (and it's only one! They r otherwise great and we get on v well. We r v close) is what I see most in my nephew (superiority/pretentiousness).

Regarding my other niece and nephew, they r very much like my sil and sil is not someone I'd choose as a friend (and vice versa I'm sure) and we'd not be friends if we weren't related, so I suppose it makes sense that if her children are like her, we are just not going to be each others cups of tea. We r just v different.

I dislike one of mine. And I’m sure one or more of my siblings probably dislike my child too. You can’t force yourself to love them.

Sounds like you are very much projecting your relationships with the parents onto the children. That’s really unfair. They are completely separate people and while they may have some traits that remind you of their parents , they are completely other to them. You need to get to know them as people in their own right and not just as extensions of their parents

My 11yo nephew told my 4yo DD to "fuck off you fat ugly bitch" yesterday because he'd decided to try and lock her out of her own bedroom so yeah I actively dislike my nephew.

I get it. I thought I'd be a great aunt, fun and stuff, but I had my dc first and had no interest when the nieces came along. They weren't as well behaved as mine either.
I do think the fact they don't really resemble our family has some bearing too; they could be anyone's kids. And I'm not massively keen on other people's kids anyway. When I was a kid, I couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't like kids. Now I do.

This is interesting. I wanted to ask whether they are your own sibling's children or your DH's sibling's children, and whether that makes a difference.

I have several nieces and nephews via my DP, but my only sibling never had children so I have no "blood" niblings. I get on well with most of them (apart from one who I find difficult to like), but I wouldn't say we were close. I've often wondered if I would feel differently if they were my own brother's children. From what you've said, you feel the same about both sides.

You say your DH seems to love his niblings, does he feel the same about your sibling's son?

I wouldn't overthink it. I'm not all over mine either! I'm polite, always nice, demonstrate an interest and ask them questions about school/uni/work etc but I'm not actually that into them. I think that's fine. Two nephews are about to go travelling round South America in 2025, we had a great chat about what they hope to see and where they will go etc, but I won't miss them.

I feel absolutely nothing for mine at all.
They are just children I see a few times a year, I feel no connection with them at all.

Sounds perfectly fine.
I have a large family with many nieces and nephews. Some I would die for, others I can barely be in the same room with.

Family disloyalty is rife in this day and age, so you are not alone.

I think the way you feel is ok. In my experience people who adore their niece/nephews do not have children. I love my siblings kids but have 3 of my own so when we are all together it is lovely but hectic. I adored my oldest niece when she was born (before I had kids) but I now have 5 niece/nephews.

i laughed at 'they mean no harm'

I love and, most of the time, like all mine - they're all on my side as DH is an only child. However, I do remember feeling less fond of my sister's youngest when my first was born, and very defensive when I perceived that he was being a bit mean to DD (he was about 2.5 🫠 I was a muppet). Think childfree uncles and aunts are the best!

Can't stand Bil:s children especially the boy. He's 18 and looks down on my husband and myself because we're not rich as his dad. Hardly says hi to our kids and can't be arsed to be polite and is just so sure of himself and his worth and his superiority to the other children because his dad is rich. His sister (16) is spoilt rotten as well but she is way nicer and don't have this superior way so I like her better but still she's out of touch with reality. All this is not her fault ofcourse, it's on the parents really. DH brother used to be kind until he became CEO for a large company, divorced his wife and took on a young model.

Sounds like my nephews. Both diagnosed, but honestly, they are awful . Rude, destructive, and it doesn’t matter where they are—at home, at someone else’s house, it’s always chaos. Family gatherings basically turn into disaster management, where everything has to be about them or it’s total mayhem.

I never let them win the board games tho 🤭

Thanks. I've thought about that, but I don't think thats what Im doing. I adore my sibling and if my nephew was like my sibling a lot, I'm sure I'd adore him too. But the trait that I see most in him is the one I don't like in my sibling. Its not the one I see first in my sibling, in fact my siblings is so lovely it's very easy to look past their one and only negative trait! I would like not to see this trait in my nephew, but it is v much there. He's an only child and believes he is god's gift to the world. Maybe he will be one day but at the moment he's only 8, so I just find him a little much. He grates. He is sweet in some ways and obviously he's only little, so maybe he'll change as he gets older. Also, we don't see each other often so I haven't had opportunity to really get to know him. I will.try but maybe it's ok just to accept I don't gel.with him at the moment and know that that might change in the future.

Regarding the other niece and nephew. I just don't like them. I don't want to say the details of why here because I will sound very very mean! I do recognise they are only little, so I think it's a bit unfair to start criticising too much. I think my sil is v different from me and her children are v much like her, so I just don't know if we'll ever gel. But I do try with them. They are more down to earth than my other nephew and easier to be around, and we do see them marginally more often, so I will keep trying with their relationship. I don't know. I don't think I'm projecting. I do think people bring their children up very differently and it's likely some traits in the parent will pop up in the child...

Thanks. I think this is largely how I feel. The traits they have which grate are nothing major. I just don't adore them and don't really like them that much! Im sure their school.teachera see them as perfectly nice kids though. They r good kids, just annoying (to me!)

I am the same.

I can't stand my SIL and her husband. They are selfish, entitled, rude and expect everyone to drop everything for them. Constantly dumping their kids on anyone who will take them so they can have date nights etc. My nieces also behave the same way as they model this behaviour.

My MIL is obsessed with SIL kids and speaks of nothing but them. If I try to talk about my own child's achievements, she says "oh but SIL kids do that, they do this, they've achieved this".

My child will forever live in their shadow and for that reason I find it very hard to 'like' my own nieces.

The worst part about it is there's no hint of ND, it's just bad parenting. His parents did absolutely nothing about it, I was furious but there's not much I can do when his parents won't engage. Highly frustrating and I totally don't blame you for not letting them win 😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣!!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I also don't like my niece and nephew. As they grow older I see traits of my BIL which are rude, entitled and mean. My nephew is that child in the class and whereever there is chaos he usually is at the centre (said in a round about way by teacher). I'm not mean to them either and try really hard. Niece is sweeter but hard work too.
My DC seems to have to conform to their ways when at grandparents as GP enable their bad behaviour. I have said something about this and how my DC shouldn't have to stop playing with a toy that he was playing with nicely because nephew wants it and is having a full on meltdown over it.
It's tough

My comment was “shitty” but a WHOLE thread going on about how she dislikes children who are primary aged and younger than her own isn’t shitty?
disliking children who are ‘nice little people’ is really weird, maybe you’re not close to them and that’s fine but to write a thread about it means you’re obviously thinking a lot about how much you dislike them. Is it jealousy that you think they are better than your own children?

Thanks. I think this is largely how I feel. The traits they have which grate are nothing major. I just don't adore them and don't really like them that much! Im sure their school.teachera see them as perfectly nice kids though. They r good kids, just annoying (to me!)

But you said in your OP, "I actively dislike them!". That's the part that jumps out, @FeelBadAboutIt.

Wow this sounds exactly like my family. My mum does this about niece and nephew whenever I try to talk about my DC.
Dsis and BIL also try to dump children on people for date nights. I've never had that much help with my DC though.
Whenever I see niece and nephew I feel like they become jealous that my DC is getting any kind of attention from grandparents and I struggle witg that. Dsis also enables this I feel to be the favourite

The reason I wrote the thread is to understand the relationship better and because I feel mean that I don't particularly like them. I was after some advice and to hear people's thoughts and understand if this is normal or not, because most people I know seem to adore their nieces and nephews.

I've just spent three days with these little people and was reflecting after they left about how I just don't seem to like them. I don't normally think about it, but as we've all just seen each other it's fresh in my mind.

You seem quite angry that I have posted. I'm sorry if I have offended you by posting. Please feel free to leave the thread, there is no need to engage with it if it's making you cross.