Now I know how you all love a good child-free wedding rant....

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

My dear ol' brother is getting married in 4 weeks time. He is having a child-free wedding. I have no problems with this. It is his wedding, he can have a clown theme if that's what he so desires. Not my wedding, not my choice. The wedding has been planned for a year. I did have some concerns as I have a bf baby who I was reluctant to leave. DB assures me all along that they don't mean babies, just children. I have asked several times just to make sure and each time he has said that bringing dd is fine. Lovely, we've bought her a dress and dh has taken time off work.

Last night db phoned and said they've changed their mind and dd can't come. Okay, still their wedding, they make their own choices but with 4 weeks to go I'm slightly peeved. I have tried to find a babysitter to no avail. All usual babysitters will be at the wedding and the only other option- the ILs- are on holiday. I explained this to db quite rationally and calmly this morning, said I was very sorry that I couldn't find arrangements for dd and could I just sit at the back of the church with dd for the ceremony at least? I don't want to miss my brother's wedding. The answer was no. No children. Apart from their own bf baby who's only a couple of months younger than my own dd.

All of the above isn't really what has made me cross. What has riled me beyond all imagination is the fact that db is no longer talking to me because I 'refuse to attend his wedding'.

So come on then. I dare you to call me unreasonable...

[ALMummy]

That made me laugh so much TMMJ .

I think that is outrageous TTWISNG. I wouldn't go I don't think. He sounds very immature and petty. Have your family day out instead and let DD wear her pretty dress on that.

[wonderstuff]

omg tmmj what a picture, sh really dosen't look happy eithr!!!

[Pinkjenny]

Icod - thanks for the absolution. And yes, my SIL's baby was also the first grandchild, and I wanted all the attention on me.

And I think that was reasonable. It was my bloody wedding.

Having said that, he didn't actually take any of the attention away from me. It was all me, me, me. And now its all dd, dd, dd and my SIL looks at me very smugly these days.

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

Oh look a zombie thread.

I thought I'd resurrect this and have a rant on here about it. So, anyway...

The wedding did happen but there were some awkward twists and turns along the way. It transpired that the wedding wasn't so much childfree as invitation only. Their friends' dc were invited, as were SIL's nephews (and I quote 'they're important to us, we want them there'). DD remained uninvited. Until 2 days before the wedding when my Mum burst into tears and had a word with sil. I had a tearful message left on my phone along the lines of 'if you insist on bringing her, then I suppose you'll have to'.

I DID take dd to the ceremony (so that we could be there as a family) and then dh took her home for a few hours and I nipped home twice to feed her. A very good friend then took over for a couple of hours so that dh could come back to the reception and celebrate with my brother. We were in NONE of the photos. SIL did not speak to me once during the day.

Fast forward a couple of years to this weekend. I looked after my eldest niece on Saturday at another family wedding (she's 10 and my db's dsd). We were chatting about weddings and she asked about mine (before db and sil met) and I told her what a lovely day I had. She then piped up 'mum always says you ruined her wedding'. I looked at her blankly and she said 'she hated the whole day because you took your dd along when she wasn't invited and ruined the whole thing'.

I. Said. Nothing.

[nethunsreject]

[ChristinedePizan]

Your SIL sounds barking. How can a baby ruin a wedding unless they screamed throughout??

And why on earth are you looking after her DD for her? I presume you won't be doing that again.

Good on you for biting your tongue :)

[MonstaMunch]

sorry i wouldnt have stood for that

mind you I wouldnt have gone in the first place

[cottonreels]

- thats unbelievable of you sil. What a cow!! How gracious you were to remain silent to your neice - well done.

[Eglu]

OMG!!!! So they did invite other children, that just makes it even worse. Clearly they were jealous of your DD.

[tribpot]

"I had a tearful message left on my phone along the lines of 'if you insist on bringing her, then I suppose you'll have to'."



"she said 'she hated the whole day because you took your dd along when she wasn't invited and ruined the whole thing'."



Holy. Shit.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

SO your SIL has remained a deranged bitch for three years then? SOunds like she and your DB are a good match in unreasonable selfishness. THe poor kids.

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

I had no idea sil felt this way until this weekend. We see a lot of each other. I look after my nieces regularly. We get along just fine. Or I thought so anyway. We sat together at the wedding on Saturday and reminisced about our wedding nights of all things. I'm not cross, it's too far in the past for me to give a tiny shit tbh but I am surprised.

[Clytaemnestra]

I would be quietly smug that I had the better grandchild AND she made herself miserable forever more by trying to upset me and spoiled her own wedding day. Win win really :)

[glitzy]

ill second that

[glitzy]

or about 10th it by the time I posted

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

I wish I could be smug. I feel a bit sad tbh that sil's so unhappy. She must be pretty miserable.

I've phoned up today and asked if she wants me to take the dc for a day over half term so that my dd and them can have a day together and she can have some time off.

I didn't realise she was quite so unhappy.

[saffy85]

OMG what a fucking twat your SIL is. And your brother.

You should get a frigging medal for keeping your trap shut. I'd have flipped. Although not at your niece. Not her fault she has a couple of dipshits like them bringing her up.

[Rapaccioli]

Did your baby disturb the saying of the vows? Did you have to take her out during the ceremony, or let her cry?

No? Didn't think so.

Which just leaves one thing to do, doesn't it? Shall I slap the bitch or do you want the pleasure? :o

I was almost sympathetic till the end. Their wedding, their choice, you have a husband so I didn't accept the claims that you had no-one with whom to leave your child.

But then SIL's begrudging "invitation". And the discovery of the other DC. And then the final comment!

Just slap her.

[ClaireDeLoon]

You're being far too nice to her. She is only unhappy because she has made herself so.

[Clytaemnestra]

I don't think she sounds miserable. I think she sounds spoilt.

You're a much better person than me though I suspect. :)

[bubblecoral]

Is there something else that's making you think she's unhappy?

Maybe she's just a bitch?

Who would say a thing like that to a child? About their Auntie?

You say you get on with her, but even bitches have friends you know.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable - THEY ARE! cheeky so and so's!

Personally I hate the idea of excluding any groups from weddings..and we made sure that the little people were included in our wedding last year...

What makes this particularly distasteful is that your brother said you could take your BF'ing little one and then changed his mind...AFTER you had gone out and bought a dress etc. Was that really his idea or his other half's?
Whoever it was...it was extremely out of order!

In your situation I would tell the brother what I thought...and would then decline the invitation. He should be moving heaven and earth for you (his sister) to be at his wedding...instead he's putting up obstacles. Not good!

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

I honestly think she's genuinely unhappy. I can't believe she'd choose to be this miserable if she could help it.

I'm rather cross that they'd involve their 10yo in it though. She has Aspergers so will report things verbatim. You have to be very careful what you say in front of her because she is always listening.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

Oh this is a resurrected thread...........

I personally wouldn't pander to someone's unreasonable behaviour. If people keep bending to adjust to unreasonable demands then the behaviour continues...if people make a stand and say no, it's intolerable/unreasonable etc then the person learns (hopefully) to change their behaviour.