Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AIBU?

Now I know how you all love a good child-free wedding rant....

168 replies

ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo · 02/05/2008 08:58

My dear ol' brother is getting married in 4 weeks time. He is having a child-free wedding. I have no problems with this. It is his wedding, he can have a clown theme if that's what he so desires. Not my wedding, not my choice. The wedding has been planned for a year. I did have some concerns as I have a bf baby who I was reluctant to leave. DB assures me all along that they don't mean babies, just children. I have asked several times just to make sure and each time he has said that bringing dd is fine. Lovely, we've bought her a dress and dh has taken time off work.

Last night db phoned and said they've changed their mind and dd can't come. Okay, still their wedding, they make their own choices but with 4 weeks to go I'm slightly peeved. I have tried to find a babysitter to no avail. All usual babysitters will be at the wedding and the only other option- the ILs- are on holiday. I explained this to db quite rationally and calmly this morning, said I was very sorry that I couldn't find arrangements for dd and could I just sit at the back of the church with dd for the ceremony at least? I don't want to miss my brother's wedding. The answer was no. No children. Apart from their own bf baby who's only a couple of months younger than my own dd.

All of the above isn't really what has made me cross. What has riled me beyond all imagination is the fact that db is no longer talking to me because I 'refuse to attend his wedding'.

So come on then. I dare you to call me unreasonable...

OP posts:

Report

Bumperlicioso · 31/05/2011 14:34

Omg SIL is a nutjob! Can't believe people hold grudges about these things. Especially as they had a bf baby too. I think you were very reasonable and restrained by not saying anything to your niece.

MackerelOfFact · 31/05/2011 15:18

Wow, thanks for the update. Your SIL sounds very troubled. How odd that after 3 years, her overriding memory of her wedding is that it was ruined by her baby neice being there. Not by her crying at an inappropriate time, or vomiting on the wedding cake, or pooing on her wedding dress. Just being there. :(

She wasn't even there for the whole thing FFS. You only took her to the ceremony!

DiscretionGuaranteed · 31/05/2011 15:36

I think that the true moral of this thread is that getting married while you have a 2 month old baby (esp if bf) is the action of a madwoman, and even if you were not insane to start off with it will make you so.

Seriously, no wonder she didn't enjoy her bloody wedding. And no wonder she was crazed with jealousy at seeing a guest just sitting there with a lovely cuddly little 4 month old in a pretty frock. And no wonder she acted insane over the invitations - if I've done my sums right (on phone so can't check back, but I think OP said her own DD was 4 months old) the "no we've changed our mind and your DD is disinvited" message came when their own DC was 4 weeks old - not a point at which most parents make totally rational choices.

I think this thread should stand as a horrible lesson to any mners who are contemplating a big wedding while their DCs are tiny. No Good Will Come Of It.

maypole1 · 31/05/2011 15:40

I hate these threads he would of given your more notice BUT its their wedding and if they have changed their mind you have 2choices go, don't go

Its their wedding as as for being breast fed we have bottles you can express If you don't want to don't go

LiverpoolLeap · 31/05/2011 15:47

When I read the first page of the original thread, I thought, well, it's YOU they don't want to attend, not your DD. It's like watching one of those horror films unfold and you're screaming at a three-year-old thread, "No, don't go there!"

But you did, and she'll never forgive you, because they are miserable, two-faced people. It's a great thing that your niece is so honest, as now you know. But now you do, I'd reduce contact to nearly nil, as hearing awful things said about you has a way of making you feel... awful.

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 31/05/2011 15:50

maypole, you're right. All women can express. All babies take bottles. And even though the op says that what she was peeved about was the accusation that she was 'refusing to go' because she had done what you said and said 'sorry can't make it then' as opposed to the childfree (though not childfree after all) aspect, is all irrelevant. Everything that happened subsequently was the OP's fault. You're entirely right.

LiverpoolLeap · 31/05/2011 15:57

Your DB and your SIL do not like you. You are in their life because you provide something to bitch & gossip about, as well as free childcare, which feeds into the bitching & gossiping when their DCs bring home new intel.

You sound really lovely, it's a pity some people are like this, and it's a real pity one of them is your DB.

HippyHippopotamus · 31/05/2011 16:08

turtles, you're wrong. Yes, i can express but neither of my children have ever taken a bottle despite many many attempts.

yoshiLunk · 31/05/2011 16:11

Miggsie · 31/05/2011 16:22

Tothewedding: this sounds like my SIL, she ruined her own wedding as well, and she's made my brother's life hell. She also does not like me and is deeply jealous of me, she once said "me and my friends all hate you because you don't need to wear make-up".

Gosh, thanks SIL!

So reading this thread I think I can safely state, your SIL doesn't like you, she is jealous of you, your DB is putting up with it for a quiet life and you are being far too nice to them. Amd at some point this wil escalate and she'll ban you from the house...going by my SIL, this will be in about 8 years time.

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 31/05/2011 16:25

I wasn't being sarcastic. I was being ridiculously sarcastic.

lljkk · 31/05/2011 16:51

Good thread, OP :). You couldn't make it up, could you?

HippyHippopotamus · 31/05/2011 17:24

sorry, i'll go back into my hole now!

warthog · 31/05/2011 17:52

they sound awful and tbh i'm not sure i'd be as generous as you are being!

yoshiLunk · 31/05/2011 18:39

dont' go hippy , sometimes when a few people are talking a lot of shite it's easy to misinterpret !

SockShitter · 31/05/2011 23:03

I do wonder if the SIL was maybe suffering with PND at the time? Maybe after your mother called to tell them dd should be invited she decided everyone was upset with her and that ruined the day?

Not saying its right just wonder if thats the case. You did the right thing, she was acting mad.

BubaMarra · 01/06/2011 15:26

My brain is still unable to process the idea of not inviting just a specific child to a wedding. Particularly if that child happens to be few MONTHS old groom's niece.

slowshow · 01/06/2011 15:47

Wow, you are too too too nice OP.

They treated you appallingly! I can't believe other children were invited. Nor can I believe that your SIL let the presence of your daughter, a little baby who (presumably?) didn't cause any trouble, totally ruin her wedding day.

NOT your fault! If SIL wants to be a martyr about it, her choice. And indeed, her loss.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.