Now I know how you all love a good child-free wedding rant....

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

My dear ol' brother is getting married in 4 weeks time. He is having a child-free wedding. I have no problems with this. It is his wedding, he can have a clown theme if that's what he so desires. Not my wedding, not my choice. The wedding has been planned for a year. I did have some concerns as I have a bf baby who I was reluctant to leave. DB assures me all along that they don't mean babies, just children. I have asked several times just to make sure and each time he has said that bringing dd is fine. Lovely, we've bought her a dress and dh has taken time off work.

Last night db phoned and said they've changed their mind and dd can't come. Okay, still their wedding, they make their own choices but with 4 weeks to go I'm slightly peeved. I have tried to find a babysitter to no avail. All usual babysitters will be at the wedding and the only other option- the ILs- are on holiday. I explained this to db quite rationally and calmly this morning, said I was very sorry that I couldn't find arrangements for dd and could I just sit at the back of the church with dd for the ceremony at least? I don't want to miss my brother's wedding. The answer was no. No children. Apart from their own bf baby who's only a couple of months younger than my own dd.

All of the above isn't really what has made me cross. What has riled me beyond all imagination is the fact that db is no longer talking to me because I 'refuse to attend his wedding'.

So come on then. I dare you to call me unreasonable...

[slowshow]

Wow, you are too too too nice OP.

They treated you appallingly! I can't believe other children were invited. Nor can I believe that your SIL let the presence of your daughter, a little baby who (presumably?) didn't cause any trouble, totally ruin her wedding day.

NOT your fault! If SIL wants to be a martyr about it, her choice. And indeed, her loss.

[BubaMarra]

My brain is still unable to process the idea of not inviting just a specific child to a wedding. Particularly if that child happens to be few MONTHS old groom's niece.

[SockShitter]

I do wonder if the SIL was maybe suffering with PND at the time? Maybe after your mother called to tell them dd should be invited she decided everyone was upset with her and that ruined the day?


Not saying its right just wonder if thats the case. You did the right thing, she was acting mad.

[yoshiLunk]

dont' go hippy , sometimes when a few people are talking a lot of shite it's easy to misinterpret !

[warthog]

they sound awful and tbh i'm not sure i'd be as generous as you are being!

[HippyHippopotamus]

sorry, i'll go back into my hole now!

[lljkk]

Good thread, OP :). You couldn't make it up, could you?

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

I wasn't being sarcastic. I was being ridiculously sarcastic.

[Miggsie]

Tothewedding: this sounds like my SIL, she ruined her own wedding as well, and she's made my brother's life hell. She also does not like me and is deeply jealous of me, she once said "me and my friends all hate you because you don't need to wear make-up".

Gosh, thanks SIL!

So reading this thread I think I can safely state, your SIL doesn't like you, she is jealous of you, your DB is putting up with it for a quiet life and you are being far too nice to them. Amd at some point this wil escalate and she'll ban you from the house...going by my SIL, this will be in about 8 years time.

[yoshiLunk]

[HippyHippopotamus]

turtles, you're wrong. Yes, i can express but neither of my children have ever taken a bottle despite many many attempts.

[LiverpoolLeap]

Your DB and your SIL do not like you. You are in their life because you provide something to bitch & gossip about, as well as free childcare, which feeds into the bitching & gossiping when their DCs bring home new intel.

You sound really lovely, it's a pity some people are like this, and it's a real pity one of them is your DB.

[TurtlesAreRetroRight]

maypole, you're right. All women can express. All babies take bottles. And even though the op says that what she was peeved about was the accusation that she was 'refusing to go' because she had done what you said and said 'sorry can't make it then' as opposed to the childfree (though not childfree after all) aspect, is all irrelevant. Everything that happened subsequently was the OP's fault. You're entirely right.

[LiverpoolLeap]

When I read the first page of the original thread, I thought, well, it's YOU they don't want to attend, not your DD. It's like watching one of those horror films unfold and you're screaming at a three-year-old thread, "No, don't go there!"

But you did, and she'll never forgive you, because they are miserable, two-faced people. It's a great thing that your niece is so honest, as now you know. But now you do, I'd reduce contact to nearly nil, as hearing awful things said about you has a way of making you feel... awful.

[maypole1]

I hate these threads he would of given your more notice BUT its their wedding and if they have changed their mind you have 2choices go, don't go


Its their wedding as as for being breast fed we have bottles you can express If you don't want to don't go

[DiscretionGuaranteed]

I think that the true moral of this thread is that getting married while you have a 2 month old baby (esp if bf) is the action of a madwoman, and even if you were not insane to start off with it will make you so.

Seriously, no wonder she didn't enjoy her bloody wedding. And no wonder she was crazed with jealousy at seeing a guest just sitting there with a lovely cuddly little 4 month old in a pretty frock. And no wonder she acted insane over the invitations - if I've done my sums right (on phone so can't check back, but I think OP said her own DD was 4 months old) the "no we've changed our mind and your DD is disinvited" message came when their own DC was 4 weeks old - not a point at which most parents make totally rational choices.

I think this thread should stand as a horrible lesson to any mners who are contemplating a big wedding while their DCs are tiny. No Good Will Come Of It.

[MackerelOfFact]

Wow, thanks for the update. Your SIL sounds very troubled. How odd that after 3 years, her overriding memory of her wedding is that it was ruined by her baby neice being there. Not by her crying at an inappropriate time, or vomiting on the wedding cake, or pooing on her wedding dress. Just being there. :(

She wasn't even there for the whole thing FFS. You only took her to the ceremony!

[Bumperlicioso]

Omg SIL is a nutjob! Can't believe people hold grudges about these things. Especially as they had a bf baby too. I think you were very reasonable and restrained by not saying anything to your niece.

[pigletmania]

What can I say I am . Yes you sound lovely and are rising above them, I certainly would not. They both sound very jealous of you, especially SIl. Don't get me started on her, she sounds rude, jealous, nasty. She probably did not want to invite you to the wedding but could not exactly do so as you are the grooms sister. I would find it very difficult to do her any favours. Good on you for being the better person, good luck with your pregnancy.

[MmeLindor.]

Good for you to have kept quiet about this. What a cheeky witch your SIL is.

[Wormshuffler]

Well OP all I can say is that you are a better person than Me!!! Firstly all that time ago when you found out selected children were invited, to not blow your top at DB is frankly saint-like, and now 3 years on now that it has transpired SinL still has such ill feeling regarding it, is just so shocking! you can feel good that you are a much nicer person than she is!!

[chelstonmum]

Oh gosh.

Your niece's deserve all the fun days out you can help with because their mother is obviously deeply troubled and unhappy.

My DH's cousins' child (9) from hell attended our wedding. Our own DC's were there, as well as a friend's baby.

However this child has a rather vicious tounge and told me I was a 'snobby cow' and she wished she didn't have to come to my fancy wedding. I ignored her and when her mother asked her what was wrong she said the 'snobby cow' didn't answer me..... to which I replied 'im sorry if you feel that you have been dragged here to enjoy a family day out. I can tell the bag of drawing things, sweets, bubbles and fairy wings are obviously upsetting you further, as is the four course meal you are about to eat and the free booze your mother is drinking......and i really must appoligise in advance for the childrens entertainer that is booked for during the speeches!' I then simply walked off.

I dread to think what they say behind my back!

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

I won't bring it up with them. It would serve no purpose whatsoever and would make it a bigger thing for me than it is.

My niece is reporting recent conversations too. She's very specific when she explains things. My sil hadn't wanted to go to the family wedding on Sat as ALL weddings remind her of how I ruined hers. So this is something she's said in the past week.

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

But it makes me so . I love my brother and contrary to the snap shot you're getting here, we get on although with some difficulty sometimes.

You are right in so many ways though Shouty. There's this perceived injustice on their side and it's just unfounded. Having the first grandchild for example, I clearly engineered it. I'm also pregnant with the first grandson (they have all girls, we already have a dd). Things that come down to chance but they perceive it as by design. I know they refer to my dd as 'the little princess' in private (again, you watch what you say in front of a 10yo who hears everything) and I know this baby I'm carrying will be the little prince. If we scrimp for 12yrs to buy our first run down two up two down we're 'lucky', if dh passes some work exams and gets a tiny pay rise he's 'jammy'.

It all seems so ridiculous. I just want to spend time with my family without the jibes and perceived slights.

But that's the way it is. It doesn't come from me. I'm more upset that they aren't happy with their lives. Hopefully I'm having my nieces for the day on Thursday so they're still having a relationship with dd that's uncomplicated by all this nonsense. Wish it was so easy for the grown ups involved.

[tribpot]

Is it possible your niece was repeating something which was actually said years ago? Although I notice she did say 'mum always says .. '.

An evil part of me hopes she reports to her mum what she's said to you.

In terms of you not going, then you would still have been in trouble - this time with your db for 'refusing' to attend.

As you say, however, there's nothing to be done about it now. Dragging it up with them, whilst satisfying, won't change anything. If they choose to pick on some imagined and minor problem with their wedding and have it cloud the whole event, that's their look-out.