Now I know how you all love a good child-free wedding rant....

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

My dear ol' brother is getting married in 4 weeks time. He is having a child-free wedding. I have no problems with this. It is his wedding, he can have a clown theme if that's what he so desires. Not my wedding, not my choice. The wedding has been planned for a year. I did have some concerns as I have a bf baby who I was reluctant to leave. DB assures me all along that they don't mean babies, just children. I have asked several times just to make sure and each time he has said that bringing dd is fine. Lovely, we've bought her a dress and dh has taken time off work.

Last night db phoned and said they've changed their mind and dd can't come. Okay, still their wedding, they make their own choices but with 4 weeks to go I'm slightly peeved. I have tried to find a babysitter to no avail. All usual babysitters will be at the wedding and the only other option- the ILs- are on holiday. I explained this to db quite rationally and calmly this morning, said I was very sorry that I couldn't find arrangements for dd and could I just sit at the back of the church with dd for the ceremony at least? I don't want to miss my brother's wedding. The answer was no. No children. Apart from their own bf baby who's only a couple of months younger than my own dd.

All of the above isn't really what has made me cross. What has riled me beyond all imagination is the fact that db is no longer talking to me because I 'refuse to attend his wedding'.

So come on then. I dare you to call me unreasonable...

[newfirsttimemum]

Can you find out whether the church has an enclosed porch area (there usually is, often with seating, and a loudspeaker where the church has a sound system) where dh can sit out with dd? You could then attend the ceremony, but be on hand whenever feeding is required. You wouldn't actually have to make an issue of saying dd is not "allowed" in if you don't want to - could make an excuse of she's teething/tired/whatever and therefore better off outside.

I very much admire the fact that you are trying to find a solution (yes, absolutely, db/sil are being completely unreasonable and in your position I know I'd have told them exactly where to go). If, and it does sound like it, sil's motives are actually about not wanting her baby upstaged, then that's her silly fault and she'll be irritated but unable to say so, but you at least get to go to your brother's wedding with dd nearby in the same building and a family row is avoided.

I hope it works out ok, whatever you end up doing.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Once you've invited someone to your wedding, you can't uninvite them, no matter how old they are!

[rookiemater]

YANBU your brother is being an arse.
Go to ceremony, DH stands outside with DD, meets you as everyone comes out of wedding, you announce cheerily well we are off now, leaving DB to answer any subsequent questions.

[ToTheWeddingIShallNotGo]

Oh thank you for responding everybody. Sorry I disappeared abruptly, rl has a nasty habit of interfering with MN.

I love some of the suggestions on here for sheer comedy value. I could turn up in a wedding dress. I could turn up in my wedding dress which is 2 sizes too small, unbuttoned at the back with my knickers hanging out and nobody would even notice the small person dangling from my nipple.

To clarify, it's the whole thing that is childfree. The church, the meal, the get drunk and dance round your handbag.

I think I've decided to go and leave dd with dh just for the ceremony. I really do love my db and want to spend his wedding with him despite his buffoonery. I can't afford a nanny for the day.

Families eh? Can't live with em, can't shoot em.

Oh and to whoever asked, yes my baby's cuter! The crux of the problem, of course.

[Pinkjenny]

Maybe I have a slight confession... 4 years ago, when I got married and was childless, I told my breastfeeding sister in law (who was also a bridesmaid) that she couldn't bring her 4 month old baby.

But worry not - he turned up anyway, his grandparents turned up with him, he cried all the way through the service and had to be taken out of church, and somehow appeared at the reception as well.

TBH, I was less concerned about it on the actual day. But it did hack me off.

Confession over.

[yurt1]

oooh your dd is the first grandchild.

Definitely 'their baby has to be the centre of attention syndrome'.

I guess go, and when people ask where dh/dd is say dd wasn't invited so he couldn't go.

[cornsilk]

Is their baby a bit..ugly?

[belgo]

lol cornsilk

[EyeballsintheSky]

Families are strange, aren't they? If my brother pulled a stunt like this there'd be a gang of family members queueing up to kick his arse. He simply wouldn't be allowed to get away with it. I understand why you want to go but I would be tempted to tell them to shove it.

[WideWebWitch]

Poor you. (I always turn up on these threads and rant a bit!) He is being completely unreasonable, my jaw dropped in fact at the bit about their baby being a couple of months younger than their dd.

How can he not be talking to you? Mad.

[WideWebWitch]

I reckon it's def baby one upmanship.
Blimey, he does sound an absolute arse. Can you email him this thread?

I wouldn't go, I would just be so cross.
The whole idea of making your dh and baby sit around the corner is bonkers.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[WideWebWitch]

I would send him something that explains the law around churches and weddings being in public places too.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[constancereader]

You are a saint to go without your dd.
I don't know if I could be that tolerant.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[Heathcliffscathy]

as someone that is 'pro' choice wrt child/childfree weddings i think your brother is behaving outrageously. what a git!

[FluffyMummy123]

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[BreeVanderCampLGJ]

[wonderstuff]

YANBU, he sounds a bit like my db, mine thinks i'm a hippy and that all my friends are 'posh' he has a real chip on shoulder issue and can't be reasoned with, i keep hoping one day he'll grow up and see the error of his ways. fwiw we had kids at our wedding and I really didn't notice them, even when one farted loudly during my vows, i was oblivious, my mates thought it was v.funny and the cute photos look so sweet in our album

[TotalChaos]

roflpmsl mmmj - you are dragging us into a whole new arena of argument now!