Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

She has made sexist comments about women “having it all” and women being superior parents to men. I’m not saying SAHM don’t have interests but her attitude makes it sound like she has absolutely no ambitions or interests outside of family life. Sorry if you find that rude but there have been plenty of extremely rude comments from this person regarding working women..

@Betchyaby and I don’t know what you mean by “faux concern” or “wonder why” .

If my daughter was in that position I would be genuinely fearful and concerned for her.

If my daughter was in that position What position is that? Do you know the unique position of every SAHM? This is where so many of the faux concern arguments fall flat and get exposed as outright condescension. Don't you think it is rather patronising to assume these grown women have not put things in place to ensure their own safety net should the worst happen.

I've skimmed through and haven't seen PP say anything particularly rude, you just don't agree with her outlook. She certainly hasn't aimed rude comments or made assumptions about anyone specifically in in the way you have.

@Betchyaby I’ve read the whole thread and not just skimmed.no I 100 percent don’t agree with the trad wife attitude or the attitude that women are built to be carers. Sorry if that offends you.

Do you see how many threads pop up where OP is desperately unhappy in her marriage but can’t leave due to financial reasons because they are a SAHM? Or even worse, they aren’t even married in the first place.

Even with things put in place, it is still a risk as pp herself has acknowledged.

@Betchyaby anyway sounds like I’ve really hit a nerve here with you. “Wonder why” . I won’t be commenting anymore on this thread. It’s been a real eye opener though I must say. Good luck :)

I actually see many more threads pop up where working women can't afford to leave, considering 72.1% of women work.

This notion that having a job in place will save you from financial ruin upon separation is bollocks (unless you have a highly paid career and are able to live off your single salary alone) Most do not.

The average wage for women in the UK is £26,878 with a median of £22,776 so the majority are not earning enough to run a house, car, or feed a family without contribution from either a partner or benefits. So if a SAHM without anything in place, got herself a job she wouldn't be any worse off than the majority of women who have found themselves single for whatever reason. Though, I'd point out SAHM tend to be married to higher earners so that means higher divorce settlements and higher life insurance pay outs.

Even with things put in place, it is still a risk
That would depend on the things put in place.

As an example:

Sharon earning £32k pa married to John earning £40k pa with a limited amount of interest in a modest combined house and 3 kids, is ending up with shit all at the end of it.

Tracey a SAHM married to David earing £150k pa with interest in an expensive house and 3 kids, is getting a larger settlement and hefty child maintenance payments.

You are not being unreasonable to want to work part time but equally he is not being unreasonable to want you to contribute more equally financially. Maybe look at dividing more the household labour?

I get feeling exhausted. I find it hard to stay on top of working full time cooking and cleaning and there is only me in my household so if I had to labour for another person I would find it beyond exhausting.

No nerve hit at all, just pointing out veiled insults are usually disguising some fairly strong feelings (usually jealousy) otherwise why would anyone feel the need to make such comments. You are the one getting worked up over other women's choices.

I don't care whether you agree with traditional gender roles or not, why would that offend me? You are entitled to your opinion. If only you extended that courtesy to others and stopped projecting.

It also depends how long the SAHM has been out of work for. A few years, the risk is definitely lower but many years? They may struggle to get even a job that pays the average wage, it might be the minimum wage.

Divorce settlements take time. Not to mention, those who are higher earners can also be better at hiding money they are earning. Child maintenance isn’t the greatest system either and far too many men don’t pay near enough as they should, if anything at all.

Yes, but this is going down the route of what ifs. What's to say a SAHM doesn't have a degree she could easily get back into work on.

Many women are struggling to get jobs above minimum wage that's why the median is at £22,776. Earning minimum wage of £11.44 working 37.5 hrs per week would make £22,308 pa.

Divorce settlements take time. Not to mention, those who are higher earners can also be better at hiding money they are earning. Child maintenance isn’t the greatest system either and far too many men don’t pay near enough as they should, if anything at all.
All true, but not exclusive to SAHM. We can't deny women married to wealthy men are more likely to receive a larger sum though.

Why do many women struggle to get jobs above minimum wage? Men don’t seem to have that issue.

Even with a degree, after so much time out. You aren’t always going to go back at the level you were at previously. It’s a reason why I’d never be a SAHM myself because I’d be throwing away my career progression.

Not exclusive to SAHM, no but a working mother will at least have her own income to rely on whilst everything is going through. Even if it is the national average, it’s a better position than having nothing at all.

Why do many women struggle to get jobs above minimum wage? Men don’t seem to have that issue.
That is a whole other topic that would derail the thread... but its largely to do with the line of work women choose to enter. The median wage for women will also be affected by the fact more women work PT than men.

Even with a degree, after so much time out. You aren’t always going to go back at the level you were at previously.
Perhaps not, but this isn't about that really. It is about getting a job in the first place.

Not exclusive to SAHM, no but a working mother will at least have her own income to rely on whilst everything is going through. Even if it is the national average, it’s a better position than having nothing at all.
That is why a SAHM would go and get a job in the event of needing one. It's really not that difficult.

My mum abused me. Is she still automatically better than all the dads in the world by virtue of being a woman and not a man?

It isn’t always easy for a SAHM to just go and get a job. There’s also the question of what she would do financially in the meantime.

It’s a shame that generally women are encouraged into poorly paid roles.

Benefits.

I don't necessarily think women are encouraged, we all chose what we wanted to do at GCSE, then A Level and uni based upon our own interests. I liked STEM subjects, consequently my classes were 95% male. 3 of my close friends chose childcare courses at college, one went to work in a factory, the other is a postwoman. The factory worker earns far more than the others (£45k pa) but has to work gruelling 12hr shifts from 6am-6pm or vice versa and works with predominantly males. You see the pattern.

I clearly said if the mother is a good person and not unwell (mentally or otherwise )…. Your mum is not a good person. Sorry you had to go through that.

I went to a girls school in a deprived area and we were encouraged into low paid jobs. Luckily I had other guidance but I remember starting uni and being flabbergasted at the different types of engineering fields they were.

Our careers advisors had only encouraged us to do B-Techs in hair and beauty or childcare.

Then you don't need to mention that you could live off his salary

Do you think it’s just a coincidence that women are more likely to choose poorly paid roles?

Of course they are encouraged a certain way, society influences everyone.

Exactly.

Men aren’t encouraged into hair and beauty or childcare.

maybe? At the moment I can’t see that i would want to, especially not working for someone else unless I had to. I have a lot of hobbies I'd love to take up when I have the time. I settled down in my early 20s and had my kids fairly young so when theyre more independent I would love to travel with my husband, maybe renovate a property abroad and have an air bnb. My kids arent teenagers yet, but are very happy, well rounded kids and very family orientated. I know that might change but I'm a big believer in that we reap what we sow!

Lazy mare.