Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

Your lifestyle doesn’t bother me at all. In fact I think sahm have a tough job in the early years .. I couldn’t do it and admire them for it. I don’t think I am a better parent because I work and I don’t think sahm are better parents because they don’t work.

its your preachiness and assumptions about working mothers I find incredibly irritating and insulting.

You aren’t necessarily a better parent or role model to your kids because you are at home all the time.. yet this is what you are implying constantly.

You aren’t a better parent cos you “birthed” kids out of your vagina either. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous. And I don’t have a daughter btw.

But it’s not a case of being a better parent in my view, it’s what I believe to be opitmal
for the child.

I don’t think I’m a better parent simply because my children came out of my vagina - don’t be obtuse. I’ve said many, many times that the fact I birthed my kids makes me by default the better caregiver due to the natural and innate bond we will have formed. Biologically speaking, fetomaternal stem cell transfer occurs in all pregnancies and in humans the fetal cells can persist for decades. We are literally designed to be nurterers. If I was abusive or unwell, then this would be different. But to put it simply, my husband and I love our children the same and he’s a wonderful dad. He still doesn’t have the bond I do with my kids or the natural intuition I have, and he never will, because he’s their dad. I’m not sure I can explain this better.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a working mum

But there's everything wrong with being a working mum who doesn't want to be one

So why are you repeating yourself? You've completely derailed a thread where no kids are involved at all. It's weird.

Sorry but there isn’t “everything wrong” with it. Lots of people, most I’d say, don’t have a choice.

There’s also everything wrong with being solely financially responsible for an adult when you don’t want to be.

Haha that's life if you want a roof over your head and food on the table.

I must be biologically broken then because I don’t have a stronger bond with my children or a more natural intuition than my husband.

There's everything wrong with living s life you don't want tbh

Hard agree that lots of people don't have a choice. But the op does and that's why I advised her to run

Exactly - i don't think this is the guy for her and she should run

@mumofoneAlonebutokay That’s life though isn’t it ? We don’t always get what we want all the time in life. Most people have to work, both men and women.

If the op wants to run and find another man who wants to work full time to fund her cooking from scratch and cleaning good luck to her. As someone previously suggested I wouldn’t be putting it on my dating profile anyway…

We should have what we want in life though

Or at least aim for it. Not every woman wants to be a kept woman but some do

And there are men out there who want to take care of their wives in that way. Each to their own. But if op wants to be a stay at home mum, I think she's just got a glimpse of the man she'll be facing

Equally he got a future vision of a woman happy not to work whilst he’s the work donkey she’s expecting to finance her.grim

😂

I am not sure the fetomaternal stem cells make enough of a biological difference to warrant any sweeping statements about mothers being better parents by default. It is not your vagina nor them cells.

She hasn’t said she wants to be a mum full stop.
Just making the point it won’t be super easy to find a man who wants a woman whose ambition in life is to be kept.
it’s not a very attractive ambition in a person is it ?

@mumofoneAlonebutokay i certainly wouldn’t find a man with such ambitions attractive anyway.

“Birthing one out of yours makes you the best choice for your child” a quote from MumWifeOther earlier in then evening regarding vaginas.

If u both wanted more time and agreed on cutting both your working hours then fine. I don't however think he should support your desire to work.part time for the reasons you have stated. If the roles were reversed would u be prepared to.do this? Do meal.planning together, invest in a slow cooker. I've heard good things about Gusto and other similar food deliveries.

What a load of shit.

What is the household income? You say he can afford for you to go PT but at what cost? I quit work because my DH could make in a month what I was making in a year. My financial contribution was so insignificant that being a housewife is a more important contribution.

Bottom line, he doesn't want to do it so if you want that lifestyle/dynamic you need to be looking elsewhere. It won't work if he resents you.

DON'T have children with this control freak. If you're knackered now having kids and working will decimate you.

You sound very bitter.

There are plenty of men who want to provide for their partners and find it very attractive to have a partner who wants to
invest her time supporting him, their family and looking after herself.

For a start, in Islam, the husband is required to provide for his wife and family. If for any reason the woman wants to work, the money is considered hers alone and not to be used to support the family. It’s considered haram to take money from your wife.

I find it grossly unattractive for a man to not be able to provide for his family.

I’m the opposite. I find it unattractive for a man to expect his wife to throw away her own career in favour of his own and to think that women are good for nothing but having babies, cooking and cleaning.