FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

[Charlottef94]

We are visiting our PIL in a few days and MIL said to DH on the phone this morning that FIL
”can’t wait” to take my DS around to all their random neighbours to show him off. My baby is 12 weeks old and I feel very uncomfortable that this was stated without even asking if I, his mother would be okay with that and insinuating he would be going alone with my baby. All I can say is he will absolutely not be doing so and my baby will not be leaving my eye line. What if I wanted to keep him away from germs etc? He also hates strangers at the moment and will assume FIL is also a stranger as he likes me to be nearby whenever family are holding him at the moment. Am I being unreasonable in demanding I join any of these visits?

Seriously? If it's outside OK but I would not let him walk in to various people during flu season with a 12 week old baby. Just tell him your GP told you to limit visits during the winter months. He can't argue with that.

Well no. My GP was making the point that there are different vulnerabilities and those affected should be careful. And that includes babies’ - their immune systems aren’t fully mature for around three months, so exposing a child as young as OP’s to the kinds of bugs presently doing the rounds is an unnecessary risk.

Times seem to have changed since my day. I would have been happy to have a FIL that was so excited about the baby and wanted to show them off.

I was born at home and my Dad was showing me off to all the neighbours the same day. My Mum was a bit put out about that though as she had wanted to be the one to show me off but in those days women would be made to rest for a week after childbirth.

I am a granny, and a MIL, and I was so excited when our grandchild arrived, but I wouldn’t have dreamt of assuming I could take a 12 week old off to visit a bunch of people who were total strangers to her parents@Rosecoffeecup.

They toys might be sanitised but the babies and other mums aren’t.

of course in the real world people do take their babies to the supermarket and sometimes even stop and chat to people. Often babies are not in their prams but put in the little baby bassinets on top of the trolleys.

swimming pools are full of people secreting all kinds of body fluids into the water

then of course there are baby changing rooms, cafes, friends, neighbours.

in the real world people don’t behave like MN. It’s called life. Once your PFB is a bit older you will cringe reading these threads.

So babies need to stay at home in isolation from the world - I don’t think so.

I obviously did it all wrong but I'd hand my babies to anyone more or less, 30 years ago. They got attention and i got 5 minutes peace. Amazing the kids all survived and i remained sane.

Not just you ☝🏾

That’s not what she said. And not what I said. ‘Isolated from the world’ is not the same as appreciating the time of year, the fact that winter bugs are rife, and mitigating unnecessary risk.

No I won’t cringe at all. I’ll be glad I kept my baby safe from winter bugs. Babies don’t need to be passed around and poked at by people they don’t know. All the mums I know are the same and are fed up of boomers telling us ‘in my day’ and gas lighting that germs don’t hurt when doctors are saying literally the opposite.

Anyway, please just wash your hands and don’t touch babies you don’t know.

Nobody is poking babies.

Really dont get this whole obsession with germs. Kids pick up germs and they are good for them. If you have another then they will be covered in germs from your pfb. I would suggest going with your FIL. Don’t alienate the in laws especially if you are expecting free childcare and help when they’re a toddler and you need a hand.

Wouldn’t have bothered me. How lovely to have grandparents who want to show him off!

Not many people take a 12 week old to the supermarket
really? what age are they deemed allowed out int he world?
Some mums are back at work, having to take siblings to school, do the shop.
Not many have the luxury of hiding at home for 6months.
The level of paranoia on MN is never seen in RL, here in Scotland it's quite normal to take new baby out in the pram and come back with a good haul ££, from people popping £ in the pram.
Christ half of these loons would pass out and burn the pram.

Grandparents can get really weird with new babies and have some really odd or high expectations. I had this and to be honest, DC are teenagers now and they still throw the odd suggestion.

What's he gonna do? Knock on everyone's door and be like "look, a baby!" It's weird but not the end of the world - better for you to be there so you're not worried that people are kissing with cold sores etc etc. however, it's better to set expectations early on so if you're not comfortable, say so! Make sure they know what can and can't be done and that it's your baby and your things to approve.

Not sure why random people went to glance at a random baby tbh....

You and me both!

Me too

It's flu and RSV season. Hell no.

He's a dumbass.

Wouldn't bother me but then my kids are adults, I remember bringing DD home from hospital and pulling up in the close and 4-5 neighbours saw us and came in for a cuppa and a cuddle. If it bothers you OP don't allow it but I guess he's just really excited to show off DGC

Update:

He wouldn’t be going with the pram and showing them due to where they live but more going around to their house. I just didn’t like the sense that it was stated that was what grandad was going to do, as if it’s his baby. Also the idea he’d be allowing the random people cuddles or offering them a hold without his parents there. He has acted since baby was born extremely intense, saying he’d take baby out in the pram alone when he was a day old etc, and made me feel like an incubator when pregnant. I am made to feel like the baby’s mother not part of the family, so in this context I’m not inclined. I will say I will come if there are 1 or 2 he wants to see, there’s no way he’s taking him alone. He makes me feel extremely protective of my baby when he keeps suggesting taking him off when so young and also has made several comments about him having formula and buying it in (he is EBF) that suggest he wants my baby to himself, feeding him etc.

@Charlottef94 The update posts a slightly different picture, not of an over-eager proud Granddad, but one of a controlling fil.

Definitely set your boundaries!

Absolutely nope to this.
I had very similar comments about BF from in laws and I should formula feed as they wanted “alone time “. We held our boundaries and guess who still hasn’t had “alone time” 12 months later and quite honestly who knows if they ever will 😂
You need DH onside to help hold boundaries
Also completely normal to feel protective especially with those comments!

And me. Baby is three months old and doesn't need handling with kid gloves.

He's hardly going to be going round there for an hour. A five minute pop by to show off the new Grandchild that he loves is okay.

There was a situation when staying with my mum with our first, when her friend was coming round to meet baby. Friend was held up in a traffic jam and by the time she arrived we were in bathtime and bedtime routine, and one of our 'rules' was that baby went from bath to bed. So we wouldn't take her downstairs to meet the friend.

38 years on and I'm still mortified by our selfish preciousness. Neither my mum nor the friend said anything, but they must have been both disappointed and embarrassed. I can't believe that we behaved so ridiculously.

So, @Charlottef94 I'm going to try to save your FIL the same discomfort, and you the same regrets, and tell you to let him go.

Absolutely not OP.
He doesn't get to tell you anything about your baby.

Treating you like some incubator and telling you what they will be doing with your baby would mean I would be staying the hell away from them.

I think it is very odd his behaviour.
Your tiny baby is not a toy plaything for him.

I most certainly wouldn't be entertaining it for a minute.