FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

[Charlottef94]

We are visiting our PIL in a few days and MIL said to DH on the phone this morning that FIL
”can’t wait” to take my DS around to all their random neighbours to show him off. My baby is 12 weeks old and I feel very uncomfortable that this was stated without even asking if I, his mother would be okay with that and insinuating he would be going alone with my baby. All I can say is he will absolutely not be doing so and my baby will not be leaving my eye line. What if I wanted to keep him away from germs etc? He also hates strangers at the moment and will assume FIL is also a stranger as he likes me to be nearby whenever family are holding him at the moment. Am I being unreasonable in demanding I join any of these visits?

Meh, not a big deal for me either. Not sure what the problem is tbh.
It's just a proud grandparent wanting yo show the neighbours the baby.
Mn is a very strange place.

I think you’re being a fuss budget.

what a strange turn of phrase especially when referring to family members.

In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

I'm sure that your in-laws have chosen their place and it's as far away from you as possible with that attitude.

What is this compulsion to go visiting with a 12-week old? Why? What is wrong staying in, letting your husband go and drop off whatever he wants to drop off and then relax at home? Why deliberately create difficulties oneself, to heroically overcome them later?

It is her choice but you stated that baby should be with mum as if anyone who doesn’t isn’t a fit parent. I too was back at work at 12 weeks and mine thrived still.
I personally wouldn’t have a problem with what FiL proposes but it’s up to the parents. But to treat his suggestion as some heinous crime is ridiculous.

@wizzywig I agree with you. I think it sounds like a lovely thing for a proud Grandad to do.

Not at all. We have a great relationship. I just know how to advocate for my child, especially when they are too young to advocate for themselves. And I am able to enforce boundaries enough to protect my child from overzealous relatives exposing them to germs during RSV, flu and covid season. 12 weeks old - a bug could land them in hospital. I love my kids enough not to take that risk to please someone else.

I would have loved this- time for a hot coffee and relax for me!

As I’ve said in a later post: I am able to enforce boundaries enough to protect my child from overzealous relatives exposing them to germs during RSV, flu and covid season. 12 weeks old - a bug could land them in hospital. I love my kids enough not to take that risk to please someone else. Let her protect her child. You do you.

On one hand I get the instinct to keep them away from germs but also wouldn’t mind that grandparents want to show them off a little as long as they’re not handing them over for cuddles. It’s completely up to you though!

I have a 3 week old and he’s had cuddles with lots of family members/friends over Christmas. I had a wobble about germs last week but also have a toddler at nursery and actually trust family and friends wouldn’t cuddle him if they were knowingly unwell! Wouldn’t hand him over to a stranger but wouldn’t mind them looking at him in his pram or carrier, especially on the doorstep.

So I don’t love mine enough then 🙄. Give over, pour yourself a drink and relax.

You’re not, I agree with you

But you cant just do what you like to do with someone else's young baby just because you're related

Christ cant believe people think this is normal

It isn’t ‘clenching’ not to want your 12 week old baby not to be exposed to other peoples’ germs. Or paraded round the neighbourhood like some trophy. And all without so much as asking OP - the mother - whether she would be OK with it.

Or better still, a large glass of wine!

Showing to close family with you there, yes.

Random strangers/ neighbours, no ! What the heck for ??

Not unreasonable at all. I remember when DC was 12 weeks it coincided with my SIL tying the knot and the party was in her flat. It was so unbelievably crowded and my anxiety was through the roof. I regret it but felt I had to make a concession given it was her wedding party. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, there is so much other people would like to do with your baby but you are well within your rights to say no xx

Tptally agree eith you, that's exactly what I'd do or expect any parent to do, but I dont expect people to know their place.

You aren't being unreasonable but you are being over dramatic - it's normal for excited grandparents to want to show their new grandkids off. When mine were babies if a neighbour was in the garden my mum would take the baby out and they would have a chat across the fence or whatever no big deal. I don't think I'd be happy with my fil taking the baby out of the house but I'd ask my husband to deal with that, I wouldn't get so upset.

Oh this is sad. GPs are so excited and proud of their new grand babies. Part of that is introducing the new baby to their own community. Can't you compromise and go with them (I wouldn't let my new baby go off with anyone without me either) and enjoy their pride and delight in the new baby?

Extended family and community used to love meeting and celebrating new babies, it's a source of joy for everyone and takes nothing away from you or your baby! All this bollocks about 'oh they might have a COLD' - so what? Babies develop their immune systems by coming into contact with their wider world and your baby is hardly a more vulnerable newborn any more if it's 12 weeks old! People never used to worry/complain about this, but then there wasn't this completely OTT attitude - 'how DARE you TOUCH my baby!' and it's really sad that this is the way things are now. Babies and children can't grow up in a bubble, and it's not good for them to try and insulate them from everything and everyone.

Makes me really sad, and I wonder how it would go down in the rest of Europe. My family is from Portugal and we are all pretty chill about stroking the cheek of a delightful baby in the supermarket/somebody you don't know TALKING to your child in your company/generally enjoying being in the presence of small children. Because of my upbringing, I think this type of intolerant attitude is shameful and ultimately, damaging to society and to children specifically, who won't grow up understanding how to relate to people who aren't their immediate family.

He’s proud of his grandchild, and just wants to show them off. He probably doesn’t know or has forgotten all about how vulnerable babies can be.
I doubt wants the baby to be unwell. Get dh to talk to him.

But think your opening post language is a little intense and dramatic. I wonder if you just don’t like them.

I also wouldn't mind at all. They are excited grandparents.

But also it's your baby so it's your choice.

Your baby, your rules. If you're not happy with him being away from you, that's completely fine and natural. Many people wouldn't be ok with this, and many people would - there's no hard and fast rules, but it's your baby and therefore you get to decide.

I think you’re reading too much into those words. I meant: it’s not for a grandparent (or anyone else for that matter) to overrule a parent and assume they can pick up a 12 week old and take them wherever they like without consulting the parents.

It’s a lovely idea, but at that age it would have been a no from me. DS’s heart rate would shoot up if he was handed to a stranger so we kept it to family members cuddles until he was happier with others.