FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

[Charlottef94]

We are visiting our PIL in a few days and MIL said to DH on the phone this morning that FIL
”can’t wait” to take my DS around to all their random neighbours to show him off. My baby is 12 weeks old and I feel very uncomfortable that this was stated without even asking if I, his mother would be okay with that and insinuating he would be going alone with my baby. All I can say is he will absolutely not be doing so and my baby will not be leaving my eye line. What if I wanted to keep him away from germs etc? He also hates strangers at the moment and will assume FIL is also a stranger as he likes me to be nearby whenever family are holding him at the moment. Am I being unreasonable in demanding I join any of these visits?

@JollyHollyMe
How on earth did any child over the age of 10 survive?
Very common to take baby out in pram to 'show off', in MN land baby should be hidden from view until they're about 3!! I've never encountered any of these ideas in RL

Yep. MN is crackers and full of neurotic eejits.

Could it just have been badly worded and he’d assumed you’d be with him, but you assumed he meant going alone?

Could you compromise and visit over or two key neighbours?

I wouldn't love such a young baby being exposed to so many people (and their germs). I'd compromise on accompanying him to one or two of his friends, or better yet, volunteer to help him make an adorable show-off-the-baby video to send to his friends and neighbours. They should understand about the germs.

Pushing the baby around in a buggy will be fine. You need to unclench. I'm assuming you don't take lo out to any shops, other busy places?
I wouldn't want a 12 week old near anyone who was sick to be fair, but just been "seen" by the neighbours sounds normal. Be wary of keeping a potential involved grandparent at arm's length

I am picturing Mary telling the shepherds to bugger off.

So what was DH's response to MIL? (because what happens next kind of depends on that)

Not the only one. When did people get so uptight?

In France or Italy babies get handed round huge sociable groups and miraculously survive.

No…I’m same as you

I think you’re being unreasonable, but at the end of the day of this is a hill you want to die on, go ahead. The GP just wants to show them off; nothing more sinister than that. But you’re one half of the parent with your dh, so just decide between you.

🙄

Nope, wouldn't be happening.
Baby is not a toy.
Too many bugs about at this time of year.

I wouldn’t like this but if I liked FIL and this really mattered I would go with him. Baby and me wouldn’t be separated so I would be going round so and so house as well

Not at all normal. 12 weeks old. Baby should be with mum. Not be handed around and breathed on in the middle of winter virus season. The fucking cheek of it. In laws and grandparents need to know their place.

Me too. He's not a newborn, and I think you should get a grip. I also find it weird when people accuse proud GPs of not understanding the baby is a baby because they want to proudly show them off.

I see no issue with having FIL pushing my 3month old baby round the neighbours houses in the pram. Babies usually seem to bring a lot of joy to people.

Are you sure FIL or MIL have not already asked the babies dad who has agreed to this?

I agree. This kind of activity helps the GPs to bond, because lets face it, the GPs can't really do that much at the moment.

As ever, first quote nails it. When they say ah, won't be long, it'll be alright, just repeat and repeat and repeat, don't expand, just repeat, say it slower or louder for those who are hard of understanding 😑

I was always very relaxed but I don’t think I’d be comfortable with this. 12 weeks is quite young still, it’s winter and there’ll be all sorts of bugs and sniffles around.

You have an extremely proud fil who wants to show off his grandchild

he hasn’t asked you as he doesn’t see it as an issue he is excited and feels
love and joy over for his grandson what’s wrong with that

there is nothing weird about this at all ds is 17 and still shown off to famiky by my dad when we visit because is so proud

Go with him if you feel uncomfortable and babies survive not being attached to their mums and being held by others

Don’t be ridiculous. I was back at work full time when my dc were that old. The idea that mothers need to be tied to their babies is totally antiquated and misogynistic too.

I think you're acting like a completely sensible new mum. I would not allow my newborn baby to be shown around to every randomer, especially without me there.

Unfortunately some inlaws are very good at over stepping and don't realise it.

I wouldn’t be ok with that. And I doubt the neighbours are that interested anyway.

Medal on its way to you. If she wants to be with her baby, that’s her choice.