Page 5 | FIL wants to take my 12 week old around to visit neighbours

Charlottef94 · 2024-12-26T14:57:12+00:00

We are visiting our PIL in a few days and MIL said to DH on the phone this morning that FIL ”can’t wait” to take my DS around to all their random neighbours to show him off. My baby is 12 weeks old and I feel very uncomfortable that this was stated without even asking if I, his mother would be okay with that and insinuating he would be going alone with my baby. All I can say is he will absolutely not be doing so and my baby will not be leaving my eye line. What if I wanted to keep him away from germs etc? He also hates strangers at the moment and will assume FIL is also a stranger as he likes me to be nearby whenever family are holding him at the moment. Am I being unreasonable in demanding I join any of these visits?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2024 16:38

Rosscameasdoody · 26/12/2024 16:33

I think it’s fine for the grandparents to have a relationship with their baby grandchild. Parading that child around the neighbours with so many winter bugs going around, not so much. It’s not paranoia - that’s really unkind. She’s minimising the risk to her new baby.

Edited

Show quote history

I think it IS paranoia though, and chose the word deliberately.

I’m not aiming to be unkind. I think it would be helpful for the OP to understand that it is okay to chill a bit. It won’t be helpful for her to be so possessive of her baby that she risks damaging her husband’s relationship with his parents.

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 16:39

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2024 16:32

Awaits medal.

You’ve chosen to ignore my point, which was to argue with you saying that babies shouldn’t ever be away from their mothers.

You also seem to be ignoring the fact that there’s a father involved too, who presumably wants his parents to have a relationship with his child.

Why should the mother’s paranoia trump what he might think?

Show quote history

I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that’s she carried the baby for 9 months and then squeezed it out her vag? At this young age, the mother’s opinion trumps everyone.

Tralalalal · 26/12/2024 16:39

If it bothers you say no. Or join in but remind them noones to touch baby due to the amount of bugs going around just now. No need to get uptight, imagine being a proud grandparent but being told you don’t have the right to show them off. People are far to precious, I remember with my first my own Gran was so excited to show her great grandchild off we went a walk around her village and she told everyone she saw about the new arrival in her life. It was beautiful. Grandparents are important too.

SALaw · 26/12/2024 16:40

My Dad used to LOVE taking the babies in a pram out for a walk and he'd pass all his neighbours' houses longing for them to come out so he could show them off. I loved the little break and my Dad got to be the proud Grandad

Thewholeplaceglitters · 26/12/2024 16:40

Wonderwall23 · 26/12/2024 15:10

I'm with you....

Show quote history

And me…I have lovely memories of my grandmother pushing dd around to show her off to her friends. She was so proud of her. You can ask him to keep dc in the pushchair & explain re germs, surely? But to me this is just a proud grandfather and I would want to encourage that relationship not discourage it.

Mrsbloggz · 26/12/2024 16:41

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/12/2024 14:57

Just say, "No, I'm not comfortable with that."

That's too mild, I'd go with 'you toucha my baby I breaka your face'

3luckystars · 26/12/2024 16:41

Just get a sling and laugh if anyone tries to take the baby. Not happening!!

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/12/2024 16:41

SovietSpy · 26/12/2024 16:33

No it’s because there’s more awareness that winter bugs can be deadly to little babies.
Why do you think they are giving the RSV vaccine to pregnant women? To help protect the baby after it’s born.

There was a thread on here recently about hand washing and how it was unreasonable to expect people to wash their hands. That’s why Brits are riddled with disgusting winter bugs. Unhygienic gross people everywhere.

Also all this proud grandparent rubbish is a massive load of shit as well. Weird behaviour to take your grandchild round to people like some toy.

Show quote history

Do you people not go to baby groups, the supermarket, swimming etc with your babies or do you just stay at home isolating all the time?

MN germaphobes with PFBs are not normal.

Rosscameasdoody · 26/12/2024 16:41

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/12/2024 16:15

So many uptight germaphobes on here. Wonder if this is a Covid hangover effect.

Edited

Show quote history

I’m having cancer treatment. Was advised to get all of my jabs as my immune system is compromised - GP said there are an unusual number of bugs doing the rounds this year, including a particularly nasty flu bug that has hospitalised people, as well as Covid and RSV. She advised they have been actively advising vulnerable people to get vaccinated and urging new mums to pay special attention to young babies as they’re particularly vulnerable. I wouldn’t call our GP a germophobe. And it’s definitely not a Covid hangover. I’d call it a mothers’ instinct to protect her child. Not to mention not wanting over zealous grandparents playing pass the parcel with a new baby.

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 16:42

GlomOfNit · 26/12/2024 16:32

Are you American, by any chance? (something about the turn of phrase) It's just that I think this very overzealous uber-protective attitude over babies and young children is something I've seen coming from North America in the last generation.

And surely only someone from North America could use the phrase 'I just know how to advocate for my child' when they're talking about not letting said child meet or come into close proximity with other humans. (rather than, for example, fighting for their child's SEN provision, or getting a second opinion at the hospital when something actually REAL and serious is going on, or standing up for their child against bullies.)

12 weeks is 3 months. Did you never take a 3 month old out to a baby and mums group? If not, what a shame. They are just beginning a period of neurological development that means they're SO interested in other people and their wider environment. In fact, studies done on the cohort of babies unlucky enough to have been born at the start of the covid pandemic with lockdown meaning babies and young children weren't socialised properly have shown how horribly detrimental this was to their neurological development and psychological wellbeing.

We never used to talk about 'flu and colds season' - it was just winter. People get bugs in winter. Doesn't mean you should lock your small children up for months on end!

Show quote history

I’m English. I just am aware of how badly things can go wrong when a baby ends up in intensive care. It isn’t about locking your baby up. It’s about minimising unnecessary risk. And visiting FIL’s random friends and neighbours who she has never met is the definition of “unnecessary”.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 26/12/2024 16:42

Wonderwall23 · 26/12/2024 15:10

I'm with you....

Show quote history

Me 3

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2024 16:43

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 16:39

I don’t know. Perhaps the fact that’s she carried the baby for 9 months and then squeezed it out her vag? At this young age, the mother’s opinion trumps everyone.

Show quote history

Totally disagree with this. The parents together should make decisions imo.

CatalinaLoo · 26/12/2024 16:43

Rosscameasdoody · 26/12/2024 16:41

I’m having cancer treatment. Was advised to get all of my jabs as my immune system is compromised - GP said there are an unusual number of bugs doing the rounds this year, including a particularly nasty flu bug that has hospitalised people, as well as Covid and RSV. She advised they have been actively advising vulnerable people to get vaccinated and urging new mums to pay special attention to young babies as they’re particularly vulnerable. I wouldn’t call our GP a germophobe. And it’s definitely not a Covid hangover. I’d call it a mothers’ instinct to protect her child. Not to mention not wanting over zealous grandparents playing pass the parcel with a new baby.

Show quote history

100%

Redebs · 26/12/2024 16:45

No, babies at that age are vulnerable to infection.
I was horrified when my 4 month old grandson was hit with bronchiolitis and had to be in hospital on oxygen. Poor little mite.

SerafinasGoose · 26/12/2024 16:47

It's highly unlikely that the neighbours are going to be interested in the slightest. They are probably just being polite.

MerryMaker · 26/12/2024 16:48

SerafinasGoose · 26/12/2024 16:47

It's highly unlikely that the neighbours are going to be interested in the slightest. They are probably just being polite.

My mum would have been very interested.

Rosecoffeecup · 26/12/2024 16:52

God forbid a proud grandparent wants to show off their new grandchild.

I wonder how many of the posters up in arms over this are also the type to complain when family inevitably have no bond with their child or won't do free childcare

EllieRosesMammy · 26/12/2024 16:52

You're absolutely not being unreasonable. Is he having a laugh?? 😂

CaptainAwkward · 26/12/2024 16:53

Surely you can do things to mitigate any cold/bugs risk but still let FIL show your baby off?

If it was me I’d say something like

“FIL that’s lovely but I’m a bit worried about all the horrible things that are going around at the moment (you can tell him about xyz you know who have all had norovirus/covid recently and been floored)

How about I put baby in a sling/keep them in the pram whilst we walk around to visit folk so they can see them without me worrying about catching something?”

I understand your worries about the situation but also FIL’s desire to show people his GC too

endofthelinefinally · 26/12/2024 16:55

DS2 got RSV at 16 weeks. We were in hospital, he was on oxygen and ventolin. He was very poorly. Another baby on the ward died from it. Winter germs can be serious in young babies. I would have no problem with friends visiting as long as they are well. I wouldn't pass a baby round the neighbours.

BeTaupeBear · 26/12/2024 16:56

It would be a no from me I didn’t want separating from my baby at that age at all it would have made me really anxious
If you want to please them go with them but keep baby in a sling

Rosscameasdoody · 26/12/2024 16:57

Rosecoffeecup · 26/12/2024 16:52

God forbid a proud grandparent wants to show off their new grandchild.

I wonder how many of the posters up in arms over this are also the type to complain when family inevitably have no bond with their child or won't do free childcare

Edited

I don’t think OP is trying to stop her family bonding with her baby. She just doesn’t want him parading round the neighbourhood in the middle of winter with so many nasty bugs doing the rounds. I really don’t think that’s unreasonable.

ButterCrackers · 26/12/2024 16:57

No. All the germs and hassle.

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/12/2024 17:00

Rosscameasdoody · 26/12/2024 16:41

I’m having cancer treatment. Was advised to get all of my jabs as my immune system is compromised - GP said there are an unusual number of bugs doing the rounds this year, including a particularly nasty flu bug that has hospitalised people, as well as Covid and RSV. She advised they have been actively advising vulnerable people to get vaccinated and urging new mums to pay special attention to young babies as they’re particularly vulnerable. I wouldn’t call our GP a germophobe. And it’s definitely not a Covid hangover. I’d call it a mothers’ instinct to protect her child. Not to mention not wanting over zealous grandparents playing pass the parcel with a new baby.

Show quote history

Having cancer treatment is of course obviously a completely different situation

Fit and healthy people including babies normally go out and about in the world and socialise with other humans. Baby groups, relatives, neighbours and even strangers.

SovietSpy · 26/12/2024 17:01

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/12/2024 16:41

Do you people not go to baby groups, the supermarket, swimming etc with your babies or do you just stay at home isolating all the time?

MN germaphobes with PFBs are not normal.

Show quote history

Baby groups I go to sanitise the toys between classes because no one wants babies to get sick from their group.
Not many people take a 12 week old to the supermarket and even if you did the baby isn’t touching anything in there or getting close enough to other people because they are in their pram. Swimming, no one touches your baby except you and don’t get close enough others in the class to get their germs. Doubt anyone would get in they weren’t feeling well or their baby was ill anyway.

What does make babies ill is stupid people touching and kissing them and people who don’t wash their hands regularly holding them.

Grandparents insisting there are no germs about and not washing their hands are not normal.