How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

[abgah]

At the moment she's at a private primary school.

The local state primary in my village is within walking distance.. it has an ofsted ' good ' rating.

The class size is of course 30 children per class. In DDs private primary, there are 15 children per class.

We made the decision to send her to private school because we thought she'd massively benefit from smaller class size and will enjoy better facilities.

But it's such a stress to send her there, mainly because it's 30 minutes away due to traffic really. I leave the house before 8 and I'm not back until after 9 in the mornings and the same in the evenings. It's absolutely exhausting.

I have recently started a job working from the office and getting back to pick her up is very stressful. My every day is massively stressful. I pay someone to drop her off on the mornings I go to work in the office but I do all the pickups.

It's just a huge stress but she's really thriving and loves her school so much. This is not even considering the huge financial burden it is on us to send her there.

I just keep going past the local primary school and thinking, is this going to be something I look back on and regret ? It's such a huge stress on us. I hope it will be worth it.

She goes to one of the through schools and we chose it for that reason, so she can stay on for secondary school more easily.

Are any parents in similar positions or have been in similar positions ? We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

I wouldn't pay for primary personally, unless you're in a grammar area...

That does sound stressful. Is there any possibility of moving nearer the school?

it will hard to take her out but financially you could pay for tutors if you need to and she could make friends locally

what year is she in ?

She will benefit from smaller classes, less disruption and better facilities. The question for you is whether the strain of the commute and the fees is worth that benefit. If it’s not - you can change it.

School doesn't matter quite as much as you think. My kids switched primary school 3 times for various reasons. At that age they can make new friends and they don't have exams etc so it's really not a drama to change. If the local school would make you a lot less stressed then do that and you can always supplement with tutoring and other paid activities

Just put her on the waiting list and wait to get a space then decide?

She's in reception. She's been going there since nursery, so 3 years old. So I've been doing the commute for 1 year and a term.

commute / drop off is surprisingly high in terms of our factors for consideration for primary. We are maybe lucky in that we have generally decent primaries near us.
but parents we spoke to with older kids generally regret going for further away schools for various reasons (commutes / play dates, local community etc)

In our circs we don’t think the juice is worth the squeeze on private primary

the ONLY reason we would consider private primary is for a feeder primary attached to secondary ie. you send them to habs prep and you are buying entry into habs boys (or wherever) for secondary
otherwise it’s a waste.

any intelligent adult can support learning of basics and they all need tutoring for 11+ even private primary if you are sitting exams for a few secondary schools

She’s 3 so i would 💯 apply for a state place you can decide to decline it later but if she has no state place you are going to be locked in as moving older children back into state system can be tricky

Yeah, sounds like an unnecessary hardship. Up to you though.

The OP doesn't mention fees so whether she saves money is presumably irrelevant. I teach at a school like that and it's lovely when kids go all through 3-18. OP do they do wraparound or could you find a childminder to do pick up to give you a bit more wriggle room?

Hire a nanny to do one of the pick ups
Move closer to the school
Are there school buses?
Anyone else going you can share a taxi with when she is older
It s what you chose
There are ways around it especially if you have ££ to pay someone else to do the driving

I would do this

Yes we decided on this school as the transition from primary to secondary should in theory be pretty straight forward. I didn't want to face the 11 plus debacle.

Yeah they have wraparound care until 6 pm and holiday clubs.

Your OP uses the words stress or stressful four times and you also say you’re exhausted. I imagine your child is tired too. Maybe it would benefit them to have less stressed and exhausted parents more than the perceived benefits of the distant primary school. They’d also benefit from having local friends, you’re going to have to travel a lot more to facilitate their social life as they get older.

If you're fed up at 3, imagine how you'll feel in a few years. Get her switched over.

My friend used to teach in a private primary. She used to say it was a complete waste of money. In KS1 the state school will split that class of 30 if they get a couple more kids ... What will you do for secondary? Is there a good state option? Or do you need to save for private?

I think a larger class size is actually important as they get to 7-8 as the friendship pool is too small in a class of 15. They can get really sick of each other by 10-11. You could move for juniors if that’s an option?

It would be absolutely life changing to be able to just walk her to school. You have no idea what I face in terms of traffic every day.

There are two classes and they interact with the other class all the time. So I don't think it's a huge issue. They have adjoining classrooms with no door. So it's a pool of 30 children who have play times together but teaching is done in their smaller groups.

What about friends? Is she missing out on building relationships with children who live locally?
What happens at secondary school age? Will she be isolated if she hasn't built up a peer network locally when they all move up?

Reception age - you could definitely move her now (if she was well established at primary then I would have said it was tricky)
this sounds like a no brainer to me

We don't actually live far from the school, it's traffic that's the issue. She has lots of friends within 10 minutes drive.

I'd have definitely sent her to the state primary. Small class sizes definitely have their advantages but I'd be very concerned that by the time they're in the later primary years, their friendship pool will be very limited

It also seems paying for school is a financial stretch so do you need to take her out and save for secondary school?

State school may not have before and after school care so how will you manage that?

To be honest I think paying for primary is not necessary unless there are particular SEN needs. It’s obviously affecting you in a big way so would definitely think about the benefits of not doing something - ability to walk to school, being more locally based, much happier parent because you’re not ridiculously stretched. In this situation I would save money for private secondary and get some of your life back.