How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

[abgah]

At the moment she's at a private primary school.

The local state primary in my village is within walking distance.. it has an ofsted ' good ' rating.

The class size is of course 30 children per class. In DDs private primary, there are 15 children per class.

We made the decision to send her to private school because we thought she'd massively benefit from smaller class size and will enjoy better facilities.

But it's such a stress to send her there, mainly because it's 30 minutes away due to traffic really. I leave the house before 8 and I'm not back until after 9 in the mornings and the same in the evenings. It's absolutely exhausting.

I have recently started a job working from the office and getting back to pick her up is very stressful. My every day is massively stressful. I pay someone to drop her off on the mornings I go to work in the office but I do all the pickups.

It's just a huge stress but she's really thriving and loves her school so much. This is not even considering the huge financial burden it is on us to send her there.

I just keep going past the local primary school and thinking, is this going to be something I look back on and regret ? It's such a huge stress on us. I hope it will be worth it.

She goes to one of the through schools and we chose it for that reason, so she can stay on for secondary school more easily.

Are any parents in similar positions or have been in similar positions ? We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

Exactly this. Small classes make a HUGE difference. Many studies have shown this

Why are so many people against private education - I don’t get it ? Perhaps jealousy?

I’m at the other end of private primary - we are almost finished. On a map school is 12 minutes away. However, due to ongoing road works and the resulting terrible traffic it’s been an absolute ordeal getting there and back (some days an hour each way) and I regret sending my child to that particular school just for the commute.

At such an early stage, the move is unlikely to upset your daughter. This is an opportunity to make life a bit easier, so if the local primary is good, then I’d move now.

I think convenience and less stress is massively important and I won’t be sending her to a senior school that is far from our home. Fortunately we have some excellent senior schools close by. I am literally counting down to finishing primary and moving to a closer school.

Nothing like jealousy in my case. I detest inequality and buying privilege, I find it obscene that life chances can be dictated by parental wealth. It’s time we stopped allowing it and became a true meritocracy.

Many US ‘public’ schools are ultra academic and competitive (think top UK selective grammar schools) and far more rigorous than many private schools. So, this claim re. Nobel laureates doesn’t hold water

If you can afford it pay for someone to do drop offs and pick ups.

I thought private schools referred to themselves as preparatory, not primary, or has this changed? 🤔

So what if they do? Doesn't mean we all have to buy into their silly language in talking about them

At my DDs school, they refer to it as ' junior school '. Not prep school.

Not sure it matters, primary school is easy to understand.

I am in a similar situation and know if I got one of those bikes with a trailer for the kids, the trip would go down to 10 minutes because we have cycle lanes. Would that help?

I think the confusion from pp is the age differences
preprep is up to 8
prep is up to 13 ( ie 5 years )
then senior 13 to 18 ( ie 5 years )

Infant, primary and Secondary terms are different ages and if you don’t know the system you wouldn’t know what age groups they refer to
Its the same as using Year 1,2,3 etc. I would have no idea what age children would be in them because my kids schools didn’t use that to reference a year group. Much the same as you may not know what a Shell or Remove kid is,

So, we strongly considered sending our eldest to a "better" primary school a short commute away vs sending her to the one that is a 60 second walk away. In the end, we opted for the latter, and I am SO GLAD that we did. She can play until 8.45am and then we can get her ready, out of the door 8.55am, back home for WFH 9.05am... all playdates with school friends are in walking distance etc.

You mentioned concerns based on nursery reports - I'd say that the things you mention are very much developmentally appropriate for preschoolers, and state schools will also be set up to help kids handle the transition required of school in terms of listening, waiting to talk etc. I've also been amazed at home much my DD has grown and developed over just the first 6 months of school - I was worried she would struggle but she hasn't, it's like her brain and social development has just "levelled up".

Firstly, "good" isn't that great. It's not "outstanding". And different schools suit different kids - I sent my elder daughter to a "good" junior school while her sister went to an "outstanding" one, because they were right for each of them. My elder daughter would have hated the outstanding one.

Secondly, do they have places? Often schools are full and the LA could give you a place at a school miles away.

Thirdly, if your daughter has additional needs she will probably be better served at a decent state school. In the private sector their basic offering is attractive to parents, but the minute you need extra resources they will probably charge you for it or ask you to leave.

Fourthly, I suggest you get your daughter assessed by a speech and language therapist - they do a lot more than help kids speak. We had our daughter assessed and it was incredibly helpful. I was extremely dubious when advised to have her assessed but it was life changing. The issues you mention would fall under Speech and language.

An all-through private school would refer to the primary part as “Junior School” because it’s not “prepping” the children to do an 11+ exam to get into a senior school. They will simply progress to the senior school part of the same institution.

Private primaries that are not connected to a specific private secondary often describe themselves as “prep schools” because their raison d’etre is preparing the kids for competitive entry to a rage of private senior schools.

Some non-connected private primary schools have also done away with “prep” as it sounds archaic and a bit snooty.

I’d move her to the good local state primary if you can. You sound exhausted in your original post.
The benefits of her current school don’t seem enough to warrant the current hassle.
She’d probably be perfectly happy and do well at your local state school.

I had this problem and solved it by switching my school run commute to a long tail cargo ebike. 40 min each way slog by car to go a miniscule distance became an 11 minute cycle each way. We all enjoy the fresh air and I get some exercise each day.

I sent my two DS private but waited until they were 11. Reading your posts and her age, I'd go on the waiting list and save yourself all of the stress.

I have a feeling you will regret this commute and stress .

Hi OP,

I've only read your posts, not the whole thread, but I wondered if I could chip in some thoughts as a state school parent?

It might be worth visiting the local state primary school that you are considering. You already know which year group she would be in so you could go and see the classroom while they are teaching and see what the kids are like and what the vibe in the classroom is like.

My son went right through state primary, and the main thing I found was that the quality of education was incredibly dependent on what set of kids they had in the year group. State schools have to take a lot of kids with special educational needs these days (mine included). There are some classes where send kids can be extremely disruptive, and there are other kids where everything is very calm and quiet and absolutely fine.

It also depends massively on the teacher who has the class each year. My son had some really wonderful teachers, but also some really ropey ones. Unfortunately if you get a year with a rubbish teacher then it can be a long miserable slog until you get to the next year.

There was a huge amount of staff turnover in our school and we got through even 5 or maybe 6 head teachers in the 7 years we were there. Two years running the classroom teacher left at Christmas and we got a new one, and those were the two best years.

I think the best thing really would be to go and see the state school. It does sound as though the driving that you are having to do is just far too much and if you see the state school then you might get a very clear idea of whether it would be better.

The last thing that is worth knowing is that state secondary can be very very difficult for SEND children. I've had to take my son out under absolutely miserable circumstances, in year 9 because they could not "meet need". If you have the option financially to stay in the private school then that would be best for a send child, but it sounds as though the travel may just be too much.

Good luck and I totally hear how hard it is. I hope you find a solution.

That’s not the case in either of my childrens all through privates
They both used pre prep, prep and senior.

Most schools in olden times were just the prep years 8 to 13.
Students didn’t do formal school before and after they’d go to Cambridge or similar at age 13

The prep has nothing to do with prepping for the 11 plus. Private schools have been around for a lot lot longer than the 11plus.

OK but I’m not clear - what do you think “prep” is referring to then?

I was referring to entrance exams for senior school generally when I said 11+. There have always been entrance exams.

NB OP’s all -through school, my son’s and another near my son’s all use “Junior” rather than prep.

Prep originally referred to preparing for the world of University which they went onto after prep. If in fact they did at all as even those wealthy people who could afford school didn’t all continue after age 13 in which case it was simply preparing for life.

Prep now means preparing for senior school as it’s compulsory to stay on now.

Senior schools ie 11plus didn’t exist at that age in the private sector.
Senior school exams originally in private schools were and still are at age 13 as senior school starts at age 13. It’s only more recently that some private schools may start at 11. It’s not the norm and certainly wasn’t historically, not in the UK.

OP I think the nature of your child is really important here.

Reintroducing your daughter to private education in a through school at the beginning of secondary can be a little challenging, as the cohort has already spent years building friendships and might not be open to welcoming a new student into their group.

I know of a few real life instances where this was done, and whilst the children loved the school they struggled to make friends for the first couple of years because the students were already 'grouped'. Not to mention they also missed their friends from primary. They were also behind a little on certain subjects that others were not, as the curriculum was slightly different and the through students had already studied these things in primary (in these cases I mention it was maths, science, French and Japanese).

I think it might be wise, if you're considering pulling your daughter out and placing her in public school and still want a private secondary education, to consider a school that isn't a through school, so she's on an even footing with everyone else.

This isn't something to worry about though if your child makes friends easily.

Either way there's a lot to consider and I empathise with how stressful this has been for you. Best of luck and hopefully you find a solution that works for everyone.

Yeah I'm not going to move her. Unless things change and she's not happy, she'll stay put. We can organise the pick ups a bit better and once both my kids are there, it will be easier too.

I've come to realise that most school runs are just stressful and I actually don't think it will make that much difference in the end. Seeing as someone else already does the drop offs on my office days and after school at the local state school, I would need to sort out child care anyway, which would also mean I would need to rush back etc. things would probably be 20 percent easier tor us but I think if I get someone to do pick ups for me on my office days well, it will already be a lot easier.

Senior school exams originally in private schools were and still are at age 13 as senior school starts at age 13.

Interesting about the history but this is incorrect about when kids do senior private school entry exams. You have to do the exam well in advance of when you start.

I hear you !
I have 3 children ( grown up now ) and at some point I had 2 different schools ( because it was a split site school) and a kindy to drop at and pick up from .
I really don’t know how much time I spent driving through city traffic at rush hour 😳
We were renting at that point so we searched for and found a rental so that the oldest could walk to school and I had an easier drive to kindy and primary school.
The days the little one wasn’t in kindy we walked to the primary school it was great 😊