How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

[abgah]

At the moment she's at a private primary school.

The local state primary in my village is within walking distance.. it has an ofsted ' good ' rating.

The class size is of course 30 children per class. In DDs private primary, there are 15 children per class.

We made the decision to send her to private school because we thought she'd massively benefit from smaller class size and will enjoy better facilities.

But it's such a stress to send her there, mainly because it's 30 minutes away due to traffic really. I leave the house before 8 and I'm not back until after 9 in the mornings and the same in the evenings. It's absolutely exhausting.

I have recently started a job working from the office and getting back to pick her up is very stressful. My every day is massively stressful. I pay someone to drop her off on the mornings I go to work in the office but I do all the pickups.

It's just a huge stress but she's really thriving and loves her school so much. This is not even considering the huge financial burden it is on us to send her there.

I just keep going past the local primary school and thinking, is this going to be something I look back on and regret ? It's such a huge stress on us. I hope it will be worth it.

She goes to one of the through schools and we chose it for that reason, so she can stay on for secondary school more easily.

Are any parents in similar positions or have been in similar positions ? We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

She's so young she'd be fine to move now as friendships are more flexible.go and visit the local school first though

But how would you manage to get to state school pick up ? They finish around 3 pm, even after school clubs rarely go as late as wrap round care at private schools do ?
Does you state primary have a breakfast club that starts early enough for you to get her there and back to office in time ?
One of the many factors I thought of when choosing private education from nursery onwards was...I needed food consistent wrap round care with no bun fight to get a place each term in after school clubs.
Does you school run mini busses ? Could you get to a pick up point easier than all the way to school?
I used to do a 1.45 HR round trip to get girls to school...I actually liked the time in the car with them ..chatting , singing to fave CDs etc.

Have you checked what the actual class sizes are in the state primary currently rather than just what their advertised maximum intake per year is?

Most village schools I know (and I'm involved with a few) are really struggling with pupil numbers at the moment even in the historically popular villages. Several close to us have drawn up a memorandum of understanding that they won't try and poach from each other.

Reception intake next year into ours is currently predicted to be 5 -10 children, normally it's between 10-15. This September it was 8.

I would absolutely prefer the local school. Walking to school is such a good way to start the day and it's great to be part of the local community. It sound alike it will be less stressful for her too.

However if you don't get home until late don't you need the childcare?

I would need to use a child minder / nanny.

I'd move her if a space becomes available. And I say that as someone whose child went to a private primary from 3 to 11, with a car commute. My reasons would be:

You are paying a load of money AND creating stress for yourself. The whole reason we used private primary was to take the stress off (guaranteed place, guaranteed wraparound, guaranteed holiday clubs). Plus we were commuting to work afterwards.

It doesn't sound like those factors apply to you particularly (although do check wraparound at the local school before committing). Secondary is a long way off. The linked one might suit her. But it might not.

My additional reason would be that class sizes of 15 may not be viable. DD's primary was capped at 22 and they always had a waiting list except in year 3 when the nearby public school admissions started.

Have you looked at their accounts?

Well the flip side is she will learn to be more self-motivated, and learn to study independently because she is less closely supervised during class. Also, the classes have TAs so it's not a complete desert in terms of support. If she is bright she will thrive anyway.

That doesn't sound abnormally stressful to me tbh. It sounds quite normal. I had to leave well before 8 a.m to get through rush hour traffic, drop children off at two different private schools in the city, then drive through more rush hour traffic to opposite end of city to work. Then the opposite at night. It was nearly an hour and a half commute each way. I just got used to it over the years. From what you've said about her needing the extra support, I wouldn't move her just to make your life easier.

I sympathise I have a similar journey to get my daughter to school. Do you feel this way all year round or is it particularly in the winter? I’m ambivalent most of the year but in the winter I despise it and it seems such a slog. One of the benefits of private school is at least the terms are short so I get regular breaks.

We did the opposite to you so tried out the local school first but quickly switched to private. For us it’s worth every penny, we love the school, the community, the opportunities. We would never switch back but would consider moving closer particularly for the secondary portion of her schooling.

Your daughter is still young so you could easily switch but at this point do a lot of research on the school/demographic. Visit the school, speak to the head teacher (ours was very open about demographic, sen numbers/provision etc) keep an eye on the social media, try and find the weekly newsletter (some put it on their website others email directly), walk past regularly at playtimes and drop off pick ups. Try and build a picture of the school as a whole.

you could always commit to a year and see how you get on.

My experienced teacher friend says the priority at primary age is a short commute, and more family time.

And excellent parenting, supporting them with reading, good behaviour, trips to cultural stuff...

So no, I would say if it's stressing you out this much, private is not worth it at this age...

I'd leave her there. It's stressful on a practical level but it isn't forever.. she may not be happy changing and that to me would be even more stressful.

OK so you have a gut feeling about possible SEN? That could be a good reason not to rock the boat. That applied to us too.

Are you single by the way? Although our primary drop offs were a pain, we shared them.

I work in a lovely independent school, my kids are at our local primary - it's a total pain in the arse! They have such short hours, and any extra curricular has to be arranged separately.

As things stand I have to pay for "after school club" until 4. 30pm,which is just childcare in the hall - some colouring and lego, but no organised activities. If they were at my school they could stay until 5pm doing sports/music/fun activities every day for no extra cost (and they could stay until 6pm,with tea included, for a small cost).

Plus, the prep school kids at my school have such a different experience. Lots of proper sports (mine just do "multi skills") with access to the swimming pool, astro and sports hall, specialist music and art lessons, access to science labs, proper forest school (mine have a little corner of the field that they do a bonfire in occasionally, which they also call "forest school").

And the kids at the prep school don't have to practise the "quick evacuation" plan, for when they need to leave a classroom quickly due to unsafe behaviour from other children. If I could afford it, I would move my kids in a heartbeat.

I have to get a train as well.. so it's not exactly a walk in the park. And my health is not the best and my husbands work is relentless. He doesn't get home until after the kids are asleep and leaves before they're up. It's pretty full on TBH.

Local school, after school care and save the private school costs in a bank account for your child.

No one has suggested it but I just think she can do with the extra support.

Also, my eldest is very clever - she got into the grammar school without any extra tutoring, so in that sense it hasn't done her any harm going to the local (good rated) school. But she's not in any of the sports teams, and she's not in the orchestra (because she only plays guitar, because that was the only instrument available at her primary). In general (not always) the prep school kids stand out in confidence and skill.

This is a no-brainer. Put her in the local school, let her have an easier life where she can make local friends more easily and your life is easier.

Instead of commute the question should be - is the school giving her a better education? Just because it's private doesn't mean it's better. There are some good and bad on both sides. You have to ask yourself - what am I paying for?

Decide whether it's worth it. Then figure out the commute.

Do the school do a coach/mini bus service which she could take when she's older?

Could you sort before/after school care with a childminder who will do pick up and drop off? My friend had a childminder and she walked or drove (depending on weather) her kids to her house in the morning and collected them from her house in an evening. The childminder did the driving too and from school. This is probably the dream scenario.

If there is a mini bus service then you really are only looking at a few years of drudge - until your child is 8-9yrs old (depending on maturity/who is on the bus). Like our school does a 12 person mini bus with seat belts. You organise the pick up location. They can use the 'bus' when they no longer need a car seat.

Can you get any before/after school support even 1 or 2 days a week from family? Or can you do a car share with a class mate. You do 2 days. They do 2 days - even if that's just mornings.

To be honest I just don't think you'd find it less stressful. Doing the school run is just a PITA. Being able to walk to school is marginal gains. You'll have mornings where it's raining, windy, you get splashed by a car, your child is dragging their feet and complaining the entire way. Driving to a local school and trying to find somewhere to park can be an absolute nightmare. Private schools tend to have large car parks which makes that side of things easier. Local schools tend to just be on normal roads and if people are driving, they can be driving round 10 minutes for a parking spot.

I wouldn't rush to pull your child out of a school where she's thriving for an easier commute - if it is easier it will only be a marginally gain and give it 6mths once the novelty has worn off and you'll be back to moaning about it - like everyone does.

How much time does she actually get with a parent in the day?

Id be tempted for one of you to drop some hours so she gets decent time with a parent before bed OR local school with a nanny so she had that 1-1 attachment.

Or both!

The commute certainly doesn't sound sustainable for you.

Remember that if you are finding the journey stressful, it's likely that she is too.

My parents sent me to a private school that they thought was amazing, but the journey was also through heavy traffic; I found it very tiring and none of my friends were local (and a 10 minute drive away is still not local - it means she can't go and see them independently when she is older). So a lot of the benefits were IMO cancelled out. It's certainly no coincidence that my own DC went to the local walking distance schools.

She is the ideal age to move and settle in relatively quickly. Chances are she'll also enjoy being able to walk and be more part of the local community.

Young enough to move, would be much the same as leaving nursery and starting school at 5 years old.

id swap now and then rethink, if you need for secondary

@FatsiaJaponicaInTheGarden I pick her up at 5ish. I also get her ready in the morning and I drive her to school twice a week. I pick her up every day but 3 days a week someone else drives her to school. I think she gets the same time with me as most kids get with working parents.