How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

[abgah]

At the moment she's at a private primary school.

The local state primary in my village is within walking distance.. it has an ofsted ' good ' rating.

The class size is of course 30 children per class. In DDs private primary, there are 15 children per class.

We made the decision to send her to private school because we thought she'd massively benefit from smaller class size and will enjoy better facilities.

But it's such a stress to send her there, mainly because it's 30 minutes away due to traffic really. I leave the house before 8 and I'm not back until after 9 in the mornings and the same in the evenings. It's absolutely exhausting.

I have recently started a job working from the office and getting back to pick her up is very stressful. My every day is massively stressful. I pay someone to drop her off on the mornings I go to work in the office but I do all the pickups.

It's just a huge stress but she's really thriving and loves her school so much. This is not even considering the huge financial burden it is on us to send her there.

I just keep going past the local primary school and thinking, is this going to be something I look back on and regret ? It's such a huge stress on us. I hope it will be worth it.

She goes to one of the through schools and we chose it for that reason, so she can stay on for secondary school more easily.

Are any parents in similar positions or have been in similar positions ? We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

It's not really a massive stretch but if we didn't send her, we could do a hell of a lot with the money haha

Thing is she's happy and thriving now, so you may well have made a mistake but it's done now and it could be harmful to dd to undo it. You could have a conversation with her and see if she'd be amenable but to be honest I'd be looking at other options, wrap around care or even moving house. You have over ten years of this still to go!

OP I'd seriously look at the nearer school. I'm like you and I'd hate doing this drop off every day. Don't underestimate how much better you will feel with less stress in your life overall. I chose a secondary school for DC1 based on how easy it was to get to every day. She can get a bus easily and if she needs a lift it doesn't bring me out of our way (it's also an excellent school) whereas the school for our local area has no bus service and is a long walk though technically in our locality and is just one long traffic jam twice a day with current parents saying while the school is great they are totally worn out from the traffic .

My dc moved school at start of year one..just because we moved house. He was absolutely fine. If you are going to move her I'd do it asap at least.

She’s only three! It might be difficult for the first couple of weeks but not for much longer than that. If the change was made at the beginning of the autumn term, assuming that works age wise, the six/seven week break would make it easier.

Although the private schools will do their best to emphasise the criticality of small class sizes, the evidence isn’t there. What you’re getting is a nicer uniform, better decor, and more specialist teaching in art, music and sports. They’re all doing the same phonics and maths. I have had children in both systems - one year apart, and they were even reading the same books in English. Put her on the waiting list (you can always decide not to take up a place you’re offered). Transferring from one school to another is very straightforward, and your dd will get a hour of extra childhood every school day, when she’s not having to sit in a car on congested roads.

I honestly think it would be unsettling to withdraw her now and then potentially send her back. I am not trying to dismiss the impact on you, I just think I’d personally try everything to keep her there now.

We sent our 4 to private from age 4 but if I had my time again Im not sure I’d bother with primary age, certainly not before 7 and probably not before 11. If you have a supportive home life I’m just not sure it makes much of a difference.

She's not 3. She's been there since she was 3, she's just about to turn 5.

Sorry, my mistake. Still too young to be consulted though - and the perfect age to change after the summer holidays.

This is so not worth it. I'd move her to the state one closer. Private school in primary is such a waste of money. I'm sure she'd rather mum and dad were less stressed, had more money to spend on fun stuff and had friends she could walk to in the future. Just my view.

Depends. Weigh up the pros and cons for each school and what works for your family. Mine all go to state schools. 3 in the same primary and one in secondary. I leave at 7:45 and get home about 9:10. We are only 15 minute drive away. But by the time I have got to the first school, then driven to the second, found somewhere to park and then dropped and come back it's a long morning. I also work full time although from home. I could move the younger ones to a closer primary but would still need to drive further for secondary, so no point moving the others!

So weigh up the pros and cons then go from there.

We used to live an hour away from DS prep school, so I absolutely feel your pain. If it goes all the way through then you are committing to this till she’s 18. We wanted to move DS a few years ago but he was so settled and happy, we ended up moving closer instead. If you are going to make a decision then I would do it sooner rather than later, also, bare in mind, the school day will likely get longer as she gets older with clubs etc, and it can be just as exhausting for them. DS was exhausted before we moved, it felt like we were trapped in a routine and not really thriving!

I'm all for reducing stress so I'd move her and then get a nanny who can stay late to do pick ups so getting back on time wasn't an issue

I put my older one in private primary but that was because he has severe SEN and was being completely failed by the porimary. The HT said to us 'face it, he's a bit weird'. Then she realised what she said and clamped her hand to her mouth and went white. Fucking unprofessional.

If the state primary is good then I would go there until secondary,. We did not have that as an option I was prepared to put up with.

I wouldn't struggle in every other way to send her there, as I really don't think it makes a enough of a positive difference to most children.

But then I also don't think half an hour's commute constitutes a particularly high level of stress.

I’ve always said about state primary and private secondary when it really matters.
I think it’s good to learn to mix with more kids and learn to handle friendships/ conflict etc in a bigger pool at primary. I think it’s sets them up more for real life.

How would your dad feel about leaving her friends?
This does play a factor in how well she will settle in a new school .

She did

It's over an hour though, there and back... I leave at 7:30-7:40 and I don't get back until 9:10.

Fifteen in a class means an average of four minutes per child, thirty means two minutes per child. However as virtually everything is adult led realistically 1:1 time with the teacher will be minimal in both. I really wouldn’t stress over class sizes too much.

Our two started at a primary school, about half an hour away in rush hour. We had to move them in year 2 and reception (they moved in January) for other reasons, but it did make a big difference to our day being able to leave at about 8.40 to walk them (or do the 5 min drive) instead of 8 (the private school started at 8.30). By year 5/6 they could walk home themselves too.

Dd is very friend orientated and had settled well into the private school, but she settled in really quickly at the state school too. We kept in touch with her old friends. Ds struggled, and took about 6 weeks to settle, but he was same with the old school too!

I think she needs extra support to listen and follow instructions. I'm worried if she was in a bigger class, she'd be more distracted without that support and intensity that a smaller class gives. I don't know if I'm right, it's just a feeling.

Similar situation to me. Private preschool a short drive away that became a 60 minute round trip in morning traffic. Sent to local good state primary and that has been perfectly fine. Mornings and evenings much easier, other parents MUCH nicer. Money saved from fees goes on music, sport etc.

The question is whether your child will adjust to moving midway through a term after making other friends. Generally they do but that's what would hold me back from switching.

i wouldn’t choose private for various reasons, but if you have; your reason for struggling with it seems a bit silly. You basically find The 30 min drive stressful?

All parents with school kids have to factor in shorter school day and wrap around care with their work arrangements. It’s hard but just a logistical challenge that would need solving regardless. Driving to school is pretty grim and horrible for the environment so I wouldn’t fancy that either. I would always choose an option that could be managed by foot or bike.

Shes young enough to move her if you’re now wishing she was more local but if she’s happy then could you move within walking distance to the school?