How much easier my life would be if I just sent my DD to the local state primary

[abgah]

At the moment she's at a private primary school.

The local state primary in my village is within walking distance.. it has an ofsted ' good ' rating.

The class size is of course 30 children per class. In DDs private primary, there are 15 children per class.

We made the decision to send her to private school because we thought she'd massively benefit from smaller class size and will enjoy better facilities.

But it's such a stress to send her there, mainly because it's 30 minutes away due to traffic really. I leave the house before 8 and I'm not back until after 9 in the mornings and the same in the evenings. It's absolutely exhausting.

I have recently started a job working from the office and getting back to pick her up is very stressful. My every day is massively stressful. I pay someone to drop her off on the mornings I go to work in the office but I do all the pickups.

It's just a huge stress but she's really thriving and loves her school so much. This is not even considering the huge financial burden it is on us to send her there.

I just keep going past the local primary school and thinking, is this going to be something I look back on and regret ? It's such a huge stress on us. I hope it will be worth it.

She goes to one of the through schools and we chose it for that reason, so she can stay on for secondary school more easily.

Are any parents in similar positions or have been in similar positions ? We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

I think it’s a waste for primary, especially for a good ofsted school. I was fortunate to live in an area with outstanding schools and both DC left with top GCSE’s. Other reasons I wouldn’t have wanted them to attend private, which is largely an opinion I have formed due to the people I personally know who went private.

What's the school bus situation? Can they use that from age 7, that seems to be the norm around here for private schools.

It sounds like you believe your DD benefits from the smaller class size and the extra attention that comes with that. She has made good friends and is happy there so the only problem is the time it takes to get there and back?

Could you move somewhere that is walking distance away from this school instead?

If you stay where you are - will she be able to get to school herself when she is older and secondary age? Lots of kids get buses, trains etc . If the issue is just while she is little I think I’d keep going.

The problem here (like everywhere on Mumsnet) is that the answers you get will be heavily influenced by what the posters have done themselves. We are all very invested in our own choices.
That said. Posting openly as someone who went to state primary and private secondary, and with 2 kids currently wholly in the state sector. Here's my 10 pence worth.
Use the local state primary and save your money. Let her make new friends locally and she will have an invaluable experience.
See how it goes then.
Bank the money now and be prepared to spend it at secondary level where you get real bang for your buck on academic support and tuition.
You may find you don't need to if she is thriving in the state sector. Avoid single sex at all costs.

The thing is, it is a sacrifice and I can understand why you're questioning the benefit, hut you'll never know unless you pull her out.

On paper, I get it, smaller class sounds great.

We go to a great state primary, no endemic issues, lovely parents and families, very "naice middle class", very walkable, teachers are fab. We honestly couldn't pay for better.

What I'm saying is go with your gut. If it feels too hard, it probably means it doesn't feel like the right choice. It's OK to just want a nice easy walkable primary. You don't always have to pay top money for top quality - state schools aren't a pit of despair, there are nice ones with nice families who go on nice holidays and live in nice houses, it's not all a cesspit of failure!

This.

Save your big energy and efforts for secondary age

Right now prioritise time together, and less stress.

It's a waste of money at that age. I'd move her to lessen the stress.

How do you feel the class size impacts her? I'm not a parent but remember from my own state primary I liked the large class size as I could make lots of friends, surely it's at secondary where you benefit more from closed teacher attention. I can see smaller classes helping if your DD has SEN or is generally struggling and the state school doesn't have TAs.
So wouldn't say it's as simple as smaller class = better. Think about the overall impact on both you and DD and weigh it up.

Gosh reception? If thinking of changing do it now. The older the harder it is. I moved mine in Y2 snd Y4 snd it was a hard adjustment for both - actually surprisingly hard for the younger one who was initially more keen on her new school.

We really are just trying to do the best for her, no matter what the sacrifice. Like all parents are.

Who are we?

I'm only hearing about one parent doing all the running round?

Also - at 4 having a school that goes through to 18 sounds like a great idea.
The reality can be that it can be very insular and isolating, particularly if a small school like it sounds like your one is. There are definitely benefits in revaluating school choices at 7 and 11 and 16. Not least because the school you thought would be ideal at 4 (or 3 in your case) may not be as your child gets older.

Tbh I’m a bit confused about where you’re doing school drop-offs/pick-ups from and to, and how often.
I think you need to work out what your actual journeys are and how often.
And be careful that you’re not just swapping one stress for another. At the end of the day, you have to pick her up from a certain place by a certain time - that’s just what working whilst having kids involves.

FWIW I went to state primary, then private primary, then private secondary then state secondary - if I had the option I would go for private primary always then probably state secondary if it was half-decent. I can’t afford private though, so my kids are at state. While they were in primary I did a 30-min detour to get them to school, before my 20-min drive to work. So my “commute” was 50 minutes each way. So I do understand long, pain-in-the-arse school runs, but sometimes you’ve just got to do it and think that it won’t be forever.

If it really is affecting you that much then change - but just be sure a change in school will actually give you the change you want.

Sounds like the other parent is working all hours to pay for it.

Honestly I'd take her out it sounds far too stressful for you all. The money you save I'd keep separate for either tutoring for 11+ or secondary private fees if you think she'd benefit from going back to it.

I’ve done both state and private for primary for mine.
My conclusion is that a well run state primary school is more than good enough. They literally just need to leave being able to read, write, do basic maths and learn a bit about the outside world (science, art etc.).
If there is any weakness in the state school - like a unliked head, high turnover or a discipline issue - then private beats it.
The extras - swimming, netball etc. - are often hyped and can actually stop the normal kids from even trying if they’ve got county hockey players in their class.

I hear you, it can feel relentless, all 3 of mine were at different schools at one point and their prep was 30 min drive away then I did a commute into London 4 days a week before covid. However I think you need to take the long view, prep is just the start of her education and it sounds like you might have other children? Would you want her to go back to that school in secondary? Is it very competitive at that point? Are there state or other private alternatives you'd consider at that point, or is this the school you want for her? I know it seems like a long time into the future but the pre-prep years go so quickly and then like others say there are often mini bus services that you can use.

Good luck, for what tummies worth I've never regretted private primary for mine, it was a genuinely lovely, nurturing environment and 'prepared' them brilliantly for secondary.

For example in her report it says something like ' she receives support when taking turns speaking and focusing her attention when following direction during adult led activities.

She is beginning to follow directions more frequently during class activities..

Doesn't that sound like she isn't really listening / following instructions particularly well, or am I over reacting ?

Do you think she has SEN? If so I would veer more towards state in that case, I have a few friends who have been asked to leave prep when SEN has become apparent. State primary schools also have TA/LSA support.

Yes, but why is it always the man who has the big important job that simply can't ever accommodate the school runs?

Women's big important jobs generally have to.

It sounds like she is a Reception age child.

They will all be learning to take turns, sit still, focus on the activity etc.
Have you had a parents' evening? Did they raise any particular concerns?

Also, worth saying that some private schools are more traditional and expect more in terms of children sitting and following instructions than state schools (and less traditional private ones) would at the same age. So, if yours is a school like this, you need to consider this.

@redskydarknight yes we had parents evening and they said lovely things about her.

When she was in nursery they said they were a bit concerned about turn taking / following instructions but never mentioned SEN.

At parents evening in reception they said she was a lovely child and getting on well.

In this case it sounds like OP has only recently started working, and if you are a SAHM then it really is your job to take your child to school.

I agree that it might be worth OP and her DH rethinking how they manage school runs in light of the new job, but it sounds like they have done this in terms of someone else now doing the morning drop off, and presumably they could pay the same someone (or someone else) to do the afternoon pickups if wanted.

State school budgets have been gutted and it's a very long and difficult process to get TA/LSA support these days if your child needs one (EHCP), and there is no consistency due to the constant turnover due to poor pay. Classroom TAs/LSAs (as in every class has one) are a thing of the past in most schools.

If she's only 3 and you're already struggling you should send her to your local school. I'm a primary school teacher. My daughter used to go to my school. Not private but we got outstanding in our last inspection report. She actually went to my school as I thought it would be handy but then my husband started working from home full time after COVID so we sent her to our local primary school (again not private but in Northern Ireland this doesn't really seem to be a thing). The transition was easy (she was 6) & she settled quickly. In fact she is so much happier not having to do the long commute. She gets an extra half hour in bed, she's home much earlier, it's a 5 mins walk and most importantly her friends live close by. My husband and I have made friends with the parents and it's just so nice to be part of the community. It's at least worth a try. At this age and those first few years in primary they adapt and make friends a lot easier than older primary age/teenagers.

To be fair if I have understood correctly she's only a few months into reception class. A lot of what goes on in this year at school is about teaching children to listen, pay attention and sit still so I wouldn't worry about that at this stage. Most children who struggle with this calm down in year one or two. I would think a lot of the children have received comments in their reports like this, all of them are still learning these skills.
Reception is usually a lot of free play and is noisy and distracting. There will be times when they all sit down and have to listen but the expectations will be the same whether it is 15 children or 30.