To ask if a friend's birthday was around Xmas time, would you be willing to celebrate their birthday in the summer instead?

[Appalonia]

My birthday is a few days after Xmas. As many of us on here know, who also have their birthday at this time, it tends to get overlooked. I've come to terms with it, but it still makes me feel a bit sad, and tbh it feels like I don't really have a birthday. I totally understand that Pp are busy, or away, or don't have much money and that it's just one more thing to have to deal with at this time of year.

This year I have a significant birthday coming up and I'm wondering whether I should just have a celebration in the Spring/Summer instead? It feels a bit of a cheek tbh, but if I'd really like to have something that's just for me! I don't want presents, I just want to feel a bit special for one day. If someone invited you to something like this, honestly, how would you feel..?

So you’d pare back your spending/NYE plans to be able to go out on 2nd Jan (DH’s birthday)? Really? Because in the 23 years I’ve known him, nobody ever has

Thats a shame. I’ve already said I regularly do exactly that. Spending isn’t a barrier, birthdays aren’t exactly a shock.

😂 As if the food and cake would be plastic, and the rest of the guests mannequins...

What is the point of the pretense? Just admit you're having a me-me-me party and go for it.

It is not a pretence if you tell people why you are having a party at a later date, though?

Only on MN would someone describe a birthday party at a convenient date as a ‘me-me-me’ party!

I'd go, it makes total sense to me though if it's so far away from the actual date I suppose you'd be constantly reminding people 'yes, this is for my birthday' or also risk feeling a bit forgotten when much, much later it is your actual day and everybody's forgotten or 'already done that'.
January is a tight month for many, but depending on what you were planning or how you and friends do gifts, would that be the most realistic option?

Have a sibling with an actual Christmas birthday, so party always had to be done at least 2-3 weeks beforehand to get anyone to come.

Oh I know exactly how that feels, it makes me feel really sad, even though I know pp are busy and financially stretched. I try and pretend it doesn't matter, but actually it makes me feel like I don't matter. Happy birthday to you! 🤴💜👑💎

I don't have a family.

I've read the whole thread now and just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who said that they'd be happy to come to such a delayed birthday, you've really cheered me up. I'm not a 'self indulgent' or ' me me me' kind of person, just the opposite, which is why I'm struggling with the idea of having a 'fake' birthday party, but just want to do something nice for myself rather than just pretending that I don't mind. I don't want presents, just to have something that for many people is just a fun, joyful, normal thing to do.

And to all the people who said you'd come, I wish I could invite you all!!!😁❤💑

Thank you. That means a lot!
I hope you have a wonderful birthday too 😊

I'd do it. I've just had the most miserable 50th birthday ever on Christmas Eve. Presents wrapped in Christmas paper, my daughter's didn't bother with a card and son didn't even wrap up a present so I was so sad and deflated. It's shit enough without being made even shitter with more reminders at how Christmassy it is.

Absolutely do it. My friend has a birthday around Christmas and I would be happy to celebrate it anytime she wanted. I'm sure your friends will feel the same.

The issue op is plenty of people don't seem to really like their friends and don't want to have to be put out doing anything for them.

If a friend says I'm throwing a party in August, will you come, I'd check my diary and say yes. In fact friends of ours hold a BBQ every August for no reason. So a birthday would definitely be something I'd try to attend whenever it's held. Obviously that's easier outside of the festive season

I'm so sorry! I hope you take a leaf out of OP's book and arrange or get something lovely for yourself another time, though that doesn't solve the problem of lack of effort from family.

Oh I'm so sorry, that just sucks. I totally understand how that feels. Maybe you should do the same as me and have a big celebration just for you! People who have a normal birthday just don't understand how painful it is to be overlooked like this. And it's every single year...

Big birthday hugs from me!😁💃❤👑

Yup. Why not. Great idea.

I am sorry, but I think you have some odd expectations of what adult birthday celebrations are like.

Not being funny but presents get wrapped up with Xmas paper all year round, I have had this and my birthday is in May. Most people do not have perfectly organized homes or lives and will need to grab whatever paper is available. Perfectly normal for gifts not to be wrapped at all, if you are an adult. I personally think it’s odd to hand cards over to people who you are in the same room with, and most people I know think of cards as a way to send a message to someone who is somewhere else.

I know a couple of people who have December birthdays and are like this. They feel deflated every year not because their birthdays are actually any different to any other adult’s birthday but because they seem to have built up some extraordinary fantasy in their heads of what their birthdays would suppposedly look like if it was at a different time of year (spoiler, they wouldn’t actually be any different).

It's a great idea. I do feel sorry for people whose birthdays are near Christmas.

My SIL announced that in future she would be celebrating her saint's day in the summer instead of her December birthday. It did take a LOT of reminding and hint-dropping before everyone got the hang of it, but she was patient with us and we mostly get it right now.

My birthday is in March but every year i celebrate it in May as the weather is better/evenings lighter and people are more inclined to go out. Most of my friends think my birthday is in May but the ones who have asked for specifics know its March. Everyones comes anyway and we have a great time. Anyone who says they wouldnt come is just being weird, who cares what day you celebrate, most people rarely celebrate on the actual day as adults, they wait for the weekend for exactly the same reason - better situation.

I have a December birthday & wouldn't for me as it's not really my birthday so wouldn't feel right.

I'd go to a friend's party/celebration but probably be thinking "what a palaver, her birthday is in December, it's shit I know but there's no need for this carry on & no doubt I'll still need to buy a present for her actual birthday too" (& July & August are my only birthday free months).

I do however wish I'd thought about this for DD1 who is a leap day baby as we celebrate on 28th February but really as 3 years out of 4 she doesn't actually have a birthday we could've picked any date to celebrate on those years & a summer date would have been nicer.

@GreenTeaLikesMe - if receiving a card from my adult children for my 50th birthday and having my birthday present actually wrapped in birthday paper is a high expectation then I'm ok with that as personally I think that's the bare minimum.

We're having a Christmas party tonight.
If it was my birthday today - I'd just call it a birthday party.
We got enough people happy to come to make a great party.

my mum reminded me just yesterday how every year as a child she would organise a birthday party for me and "no one would come as they all forgot", yeah i know. Jan 2nd.

Organize a "celebration" party in June!

I think a lot of people who are disappointed with their birthday celebrations at Christmas time might still find them disappointing at any other time of the year.
Lots of adults don’t get many birthday presents or big celebrations or a fuss made.
You don’t have to look hard to see there are regular threads on here by posters upset and disappointed about their birthday celebrations (or lack thereof).
Are you sure the people in your life will actually be better at celebrating your birthday with you in summer rather than at Christmas?
It would be worse to arrange a celebration in summer and still be dissatisfied with it.
FWIW Christmas isn’t the only unfortunate time for your birthday to fall. Mine was on the day we went back to school after the summer holidays nearly every single year of my childhood. One year my mum wrapped a calculator up as one of my presents. My siblings are twins and have to share a birthday. My cousin’s birthday is on the anniversary of my gm’s death.
If you do it in summer, make sure no one has booked holidays.

I agree that November or January is better than an arbitrary date in summer.
I say this as the parent of a mid December child.
My brother is also Christmas eve and when we were young always had a night out in town on Christmas eve night. Now he's older he'll go for a drink with me on the day and maybe meet some friends in the couple of weeks after Christmas.

You do you though. I wouldn't think anything of it if a friend wanted to do this.

ABSOLUTELY!!

Not being funny but presents get wrapped up with Xmas paper all year round, I have had this and my birthday is in May. Most people do not have perfectly organized homes or lives and will need to grab whatever paper is available. Perfectly normal for gifts not to be wrapped at all, if you are an adult. I personally think it’s odd to hand cards over to people who you are in the same room with, and most people I know think of cards as a way to send a message to someone who is somewhere else.

Well I must be an outlier then, I always have a stash of birthday wrapping paper and gift bags, my friends/family will always get given a card and a wrapped up gift, or a bottle in a bottle bag. 🤷🏻‍♀️