Family always leave me out at Christmas…

[CoolMoose]

As the title says really, my family always leave me out at Christmas. I have several sisters and they have children and they are always invited to my parents at Christmas. They can sleep over and have Christmas dinner together and everything.

Last year I kicked up a bit of a fuss because we are never invited Christmas Eve/Christmas Day or Boxing Day. I made it clear to my parents that it hurts that they never want to see me, my husband and children at Christmas but always have my sisters over. After being ignored for several days after saying I felt upset, my parents said we could go to theirs for dinner last year but they said it was the last time they were having anyone over at Christmas because they are getting too old (early 60s).

So fast forward to this year, I assumed no one was going around over Christmas and my parents told me that they were assigning a set day to each child over the festive period to make it more manageable. I was totally ok with that until I tried to call everyone today to wish my sisters and parents merry Christmas. No one answered at first, then my sister called me back. It turns out they are all round my parents for Christmas dinner whereas we have been assigned New Year’s Day.

AIBU for now not wanting to go on New Year’s Day? I have only seen my parents twice in the last 12 months because they always make excuses, but I find it stressful to constantly put my feelings aside…

I can relate to this as I am eldest daughter and two sets of half siblings, on both sides I have always been less important/special and its taken me a long time to realise its nothing I have done. I tried really hard with by step parents and have a good relationship with them all, I am very close to all my half siblings but the reality is the ‘second’ families are closer and more of a unit.

I just do things on my terms now, I focus on my own family and i don’t take any of it to heart.

At some point you might find it useful. to share your feelings with your mother as she is really at the heart of making differences here, you could write a letter and get your feelings out especially the subterfuge and ‘hiding’ whats going on. I imagine that your Mum is annoyed because you have effectively called her out on her behaviour, she’s just deflecting back to you to try & make you the problem.

Good Luck in whatever you decide to do and know its not you that the problem.

You can feck off with your opinion on this. What an utterly pathetic thing to say

There is only one word for this behaviour…bullying.

to intentionally ostracise someone in such an obvious callous way is heartbreaking. Best to distance yourself from them all. Don’t answer calls, or messages. Leave any family groups and archive their messages on WhatsApp so that you only see them on your terms. Sending the biggest hug

My old partner experienced this.
His mother left for a younger man. He and older sister remained with his father. It affected him dreadfully.

However, she started a new family. Had 2 more children. On her death, all her money was left to husband and new family, completely ignoring her previous children and grandchildren.

Thank you, couldn't have put this better myself. My dd is an only through no choice of mine, what a thoroughly insensitive thing to say. I'd have loved another but we don't all get the fertility we want now do we?!

@CoolMoose how are you doing?

Unfortunately we don’t but I bet your daughter is loved beyond measure which unfortunately a lot of children don’t have. I have always thought far better to have one than none at all and we are so lucky to have been able to the ones we do have xxx

Hands up who thinking this is the poster who posted about her partners stepdaughter bring left out by partners family??