Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

[Noihin]

My mum was one of 5 siblings, and when my GPs died over 20 years ago, the siblings divided their parents belongings amongst each other. GPs were not wealthy but had some nice things. My mum got their wedding silver. Mum was really happy and we used them every Christmas. It was a big deal for her. I was also close to my GPs.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her. We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad, and we prefer it that way. I told her no. And that we use it, and it is part of our tradition.

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.

Now, i'm at my dads and i saw that the silver is gone. My dad said aunt came and demanded it last summer and he gave it her. He says its only materia and he doesn't think its right but he doesn't care.
I am deeply hurt. She went behind my back to do this, and has not once mentioned this to me all this time. I texted her to ask why she did this and she turned defensive and nasty. A side i've never seen if her before. I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The monetary value is not much, but its the greed, betrayal and disregard, as well as seeing the shady side of her that has shaken me. I don't know what to do. Im very bad at keeping up the appearances if someone has hurt me. On the other hand my children will miss her if i stop seeing her.

Her BIL was her sister's husband and as such, in the absence of a will, was her next of kin who legally inherited his late wife's property. Sadly if he gave it to the grabby aunt and coercion cannot be proved then there's not much in law that could be done. Personally I would be seeking out the local scallies to recover it though!

Ah, my mistake!

@Rosscameasdoody when people die it's not unusual for relatives to ask for something to remember them by. The person being asked can either say yes or no. OP's father said yes.

Ah man I don’t think I could get too bothered about this as I wouldn’t have attached too much sentimental value to the silver. It clearly mattered to the aunt and I would personally find peace and let it go and tell myself it would be much loved by aunt and probably in a cupboard unpolished at my house

OP something similar happened after my father's death regarding a painting. A cousin claimed my Dad had promised he could have it and in fact had already taken it away to his house. There was no way of knowing whether it was true that my Dad had promised it to him, but my brother & I decided it was better to let him have it because the alternative was to insist he return it, effectively calling the cousin a liar.... so we gave him the benefit of the doubt. But we felt uncomfortable because there was a sense he may have worked on my father in the period before his death and that my father may have said yes just to stop being pestered about it

My GP gave something valuable to my dad, telling dad that he wanted him to have it as he was the eldest son. My Grandfather passed and nothing was said about the item by the wife of the younger son (who sadly died months before his father.)
After my dad sadly passed away, my aunt, the dil mentioned above, contacted me to demand that I send her the item. I refused, we’re not talking. It was very upsetting and none of us needed this at such a difficult time. I know that she wouldn’t have asked my dad for it because she knew it was legitimately his as she knew my GP passed it to him. She thought I would be a soft touch. Awful behaviour from a greedy grasping woman. So I understand how you feel @Noihin

Lots of countries that follow Napoleonic law, like France and Italy. Should my DH due before me, our son inherits. I'd get left a smaller percentage and the right to live in the house, or sell it and buy another for my son. I'm fine with that. It stops the money leaving the blood family and protects the children.

We've got loads of silver; in DH culture it's a very common wedding gift. I'll be telling DS to sell it all off when we die, or if DH passes before me, I'll look into selling it. Takes up a lot of space, barely gets used, and ups the insurance premium.

I could have written this! What goes around, comes around and my aunt insisted that something had been left to her, but turns out there was no will and when she came to sell said item, she had to split the proceeds, even trying to get all other parties to sign it over to her, which didn't work! Sadly I lost links to a side of the family that once we were close to and that's the real loss, one of trust and care, something that is very easy to lose and impossible to fully get back.

That's disgusting. Your mum's things would NOT go to her sister unless she specifically said so in her will. How could she take advantage of her sister's death like that! In effect she stole them. I don't think I would ever speak to her again, and I would tell all the family what she did behind your back.

Bit late to the thread so you may not reply. You haven't said what your siblings think about it. Have you not spoken to them.
Surely it would be up to all of you to decide what to do.
If you let it go without them knowing they may think you are in with the aunt hoping to receive them off her for yourself.

Take a pause and calm down. This (feeling like her sister has been replaced) is probably the crux of it rather than her trying to steal your cutlery. If she feels like that she probably doesn’t want the new GF to be using your mums important, sentimental items. She is grieving her sister. Don’t let this wash away all the stuff she has done for you and with you. Is it worth throwing all that away before speaking with her to make sure you understand the context properly and at least then you can decide what you want to do with full information?

I know a little about how you feel. My mum took stuff from my nan’s house before she died. My nan always said my DS could have these little ornaments that they played with from when he was a little baby. They were really close and always cuddling.

I don’t talk to my mum as I can’t deal with her. I noticed in the summer that the ornaments were missing. My Nan said my mum took them. My mum took so much stuff from my nan’s house that it was practically bare.

when my Nan died, she was in hospital and my mum took all her rings and jewellery off her for alleged safekeeping and took all the jewellery from her house. She was not an only child. She has a brother!!!

I asked for the ornaments for my DS and mum said that she had given them to random cousins of hers. She isn’t in touch with the family. I’ve never met them my entire life apart from maybe my great nan funeral when I was a teenager over 30 years ago.
my DS was hurt as they aren’t even valuable just a momento. Then a year later she magically finds one and gives it to him. It’s not even the same one but clearly one she found at a car boot sale!

then my uncle finds out that his sister has drained the bank accounts that she had access to before my nan even died she had the money that my nan set aside for inheritance!

I got nothing from my nan to remember her by. My aunt in law who I don’t know grabbed some clothes and I’ve sealed them up so they still retain the scent of my Nan.

none of my siblings speak to our mum as she’s so narcissistic we just can’t deal.

It wasn't his to give away. Read the thread.

@kittybiscuits then her anger is misplaced if her father gave away something that wasn’t his to give?

As stated anyone can ask for anything, the answer can be yes or no. It can even be "no because it doesn’t belong to me".

Her father chose the yes option and then didn’t tell the OP. I’ve read the thread…