Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

[Noihin]

My mum was one of 5 siblings, and when my GPs died over 20 years ago, the siblings divided their parents belongings amongst each other. GPs were not wealthy but had some nice things. My mum got their wedding silver. Mum was really happy and we used them every Christmas. It was a big deal for her. I was also close to my GPs.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her. We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad, and we prefer it that way. I told her no. And that we use it, and it is part of our tradition.

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.

Now, i'm at my dads and i saw that the silver is gone. My dad said aunt came and demanded it last summer and he gave it her. He says its only materia and he doesn't think its right but he doesn't care.
I am deeply hurt. She went behind my back to do this, and has not once mentioned this to me all this time. I texted her to ask why she did this and she turned defensive and nasty. A side i've never seen if her before. I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The monetary value is not much, but its the greed, betrayal and disregard, as well as seeing the shady side of her that has shaken me. I don't know what to do. Im very bad at keeping up the appearances if someone has hurt me. On the other hand my children will miss her if i stop seeing her.

You seem confused about whether the silver has material or sentimental value. If it has sentimental value for you, then that sentiment would be much greater for her because it belonged to her parents. It doesn't seem likely that she plans to sell it. Given she has no children, it would have been nice to let her have it if she put in her will for it to come back to you. She is likely very worried that the new girlfriend will marry to get everything on your dad's death and have it sold. Whether that is likely or not you simply can't know yet, you'd be surprised how often it happens. If it was given to you rather than your dad holding into it, then that might have been the better solution for everyone. Now your aunt's taken it, it sounds you'll never have a relarionship again and that's a shame for all of you, but it is what it is. Hopefully she can still be persuaded to leave it to someone in the family in her will.

Yep. Totally agree. I hope it was worth it to her.

Well actually it most likely was the dad's to give away unless the OP's mum put in her will it was to go to someone else. Please don't encourage the OP to have any animosity towards her dad over this, he hasn't done anything wrong.

Go NC. She values the silver more than the love and respect of her family

Shes annoyed ME and I don’t even know the woman.

Presumably your father inherited all her belongings from your mother when she died? If so, the silver is (legally) his to do whatever he wishes with. However, it is possible that your mother's sister coerced your father into parting with the silver, in which case you might have some legal recourse.

I think the father was very wrong. Aunt was worse, but he gave away something his family treasured, just to avoid a hassle.

YANBU

what a grasping bitch

“Nothing destroys one's respect in the hearts of others more than greed“. A quote from someone whose name I can’t see because I haven’t got my glasses on.

if I die tomorrow the contents of our house will go from being the joint property of me and DH to being his sole property unless I've specified otherwise in my will (which I haven't)

On that basis your aunt didn't steal it. It belonged to your dad and when she demanded/asked for it he gave it to her. As he had every right to do because it belonged to him. If it mattered to him he would have said no. And seeing as it originally belonged to her late mother I can understand why she would want to have it herself rather than her BIL keeping it.

Hopefully the two of you will remain close and she will do the honourable thing and pass it on to you eventually.

All these convoluted reasons from some posters why she's behaved like an asshole.

I think the set is worth £200 max £300, so no one would have their lives changed if sold. I remember them from GPs house (who i was really close to) and they've been part of our family Christmas for 25 years.
Im not going to demand them back. I can't hide my feelings and i don't do fake relationships. She isn't the person i thought she was and this is a tough pill to swallow. My kids never knew my mum. Being her sister (they looked so alike), she has been like a replacement grandmother. It hurts.

It was actually. Unless there was a will saying otherwise everything that was hers is now his to do with as he pleases.

When my mother died, I inherited some things from her and it's not the same thing, but I asked my cousins if they would like something to remember her by. My cousin chose some ornaments that were always displayed on my mothers mantelpiece and although I had said she could have them, I later missed having them, but I searched in antique shops and found the same range, so I bought them. I know it is not the original ones that my mum had, but when I see them in my house, I still think of my mum. If you can afford to do so, do you think you could find and buy a similar silver tea set to remind you of your grandmother?

Maybe she feels great sentimental attachment to it as well if it was her sister's? Your dad gave it to her, be angry with him too not just her if you're going to be angry.

I agree with this. When my gran died she didn't have much but my mum did want a clock she had, my gran loved clocks. Anyway uncle had it, mum was OK with it as he was her baby brother. He got divorced some years later and his ex took the clock. She now has dementia and no one knows where it is. Not a valuable clock but my gran loved it, my mum loved it and my uncle loved it and now we have no idea where it is.

I think I'd say I'd let her borrow it but I'd be having it back when she has no more use for it i.e. when she's dead.

Im not angry. Just a few days ago she dropped off some presents for us and hugged me and said how much she loves me. I don't lie to and deceive people i love. She knew i objected. My dad didn't. I hadnt even talked about the silver with him because i honestly couldn't see this coming. Its the shadyness. And i feel manipulated.

I have an aunt like this. So nice to your face. Pillar of the community. Loved by all. Can do no wrong. When she found out my DF had given a family heirloom to his own aunt (my great aunt) she went to that 85 year old aunt's house and pressured her to give aunt the heirloom, so she got it. She also did corkers like stealing DF's inheritance from DGM. There's loads more. But she's so nice.
I hope there's a hell and she burns in it TBH.
So sorry you've been stung by one of these awful people.

You should return the knitted tat she gave you, filled with dogshit.

Thats the minimum she deserves.

I agree, the aunt is terrible but OP’s dad has seriously betrayed his own children. His late wife’s possessions might all legally belong to him, but they are not part of his family history, and morally, he had absolutely no right to be giving away his children’s family heirlooms. I would wait until the new year and tell dad in no uncertain terms that he was responsible for getting the silver back by next Christmas.

But the silver was never yours was it? It was your dad's property and he chose to hand it over.

@Noihin she virtually stole it!! she is a horrible person who will rot in hell! why the hell did you let her into your house, whether or not she had presents?????

So your father did what the OPs father did and gave away an heirloom from your family?

Absolutely this. You need to talk to your dad about it then when you're calmer your aunt and discuss how you feel. This is how families split,is it really worth it?

I disagree with this. The silver hadn’t come from his side of the family. I know legally it was probably his as the surviving spouse but it should have been able to be passed down. If the OPs mother had had it then that meant being passed down to her children eventually.

regardless of the legalities the aunt has been deceptive, she was told no and then went behind the OPs back to get it and has been nasty once confronted. I’m not sure I’d maintain a relationship