Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

[Noihin]

My mum was one of 5 siblings, and when my GPs died over 20 years ago, the siblings divided their parents belongings amongst each other. GPs were not wealthy but had some nice things. My mum got their wedding silver. Mum was really happy and we used them every Christmas. It was a big deal for her. I was also close to my GPs.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her. We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad, and we prefer it that way. I told her no. And that we use it, and it is part of our tradition.

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.

Now, i'm at my dads and i saw that the silver is gone. My dad said aunt came and demanded it last summer and he gave it her. He says its only materia and he doesn't think its right but he doesn't care.
I am deeply hurt. She went behind my back to do this, and has not once mentioned this to me all this time. I texted her to ask why she did this and she turned defensive and nasty. A side i've never seen if her before. I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The monetary value is not much, but its the greed, betrayal and disregard, as well as seeing the shady side of her that has shaken me. I don't know what to do. Im very bad at keeping up the appearances if someone has hurt me. On the other hand my children will miss her if i stop seeing her.

I am so sorry you are going through this.
People's heads can turn when there's inheritances they think are up for grabs.

I’d be furious at that OP and I don’t think I’d ever speak to her again.

In time she will regret it when she is lonely - as they cutlery won’t be able to speak to her.

I’d also let her siblings know that she stole your mums things

Cut her out, she's a thief

I'd be furious at both your aunt and your dad. Why did he hand it over?

Wow, that was a really shitty thing to do.

Shes willing to risk a close relationship with her niece over some cutlery?

If she has no children she might leave the cutlery to you in her will and you might get it back.

If your mum was given the silver then it should stay in your part of the family. You should ask for it back and say she has effectively stolen it. If she refuses then try work out a way to steal it back !

She "has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc"

To look at her side of this, isn't she allowed the cutlery given all that she's done for you?
After all from the sentimental side it's something left from the aunt's parents. And monetarily, the babysitting etc has probably been worth more than the cutlery.

My dad has a new partner. They dont live together and are not married but my aunt views this as a betrayal of her sister. I don't. Im glad he has someone and is not lonely. And she is a nice person.
I think thats why my dad handed it over. Just to be rid of her hassling.
I have muted aunt on WhatsApp. She wants to talk to me (to prove her point) when shes back in town, but ive said theres nothing to talk about. She has acted in a wrong way and against inheritance laws, and im deeply hurt.

I’m so sorry OP I think that’s awful of her and I do sympathise. I’d now go NC with her if I were you. ❤️

i also think your Dad, as your late Mum’s next of kin, had the right to give this to your Aunt if that’s what he wanted to do.

It was not your Dad's to give away.
I would raise the issue with your Aunt.

Ask after your mother's silver.
Tell her you expect to have it back for special occasions and charge her to take good care of it while she borrows it.
I would also go so far as to have a lawyer write a letter to the same.and detailing the fact that your mother's silver is in her care.

Within a year of my mum dying one of my aunts tried to do similar, Dad even found her poking about looking for things under the guise of "looking for the loo" (in our house shed been to multiple times!). I don't think we dealt with it directly, Dad just basically hid important stuff and didn't let her mooch about the house at all - i do remember at a family meal she was again bemoaning wanting to have a particular thing and even her husband told her to give it a rest (rare!!).

It changed my perception of her and it's never quite got back - so massive sympathies OP, it's shit.

What a nasty thing to do!
I can see why you're upset.

Mercenary old cow! That’s disgusting. God. She must’ve been coveting that all these years. I wouldn’t speak to her again. I’m very tolerant but that is cruel. I’d write her a note to explain she is a cruel and greedy thief and her mother and Father, your GPs would be appalled!

She’d be dead to me after that op - it’s a betrayal and just nasty to behave like that.

I think he has the right attitude re “stuff”. Stuff is not important.

But it’s shown you who she really is and for the betrayal I’d cut her out.

I completely understand OP, it’s horrible to see another side to people that you previously trusted.
My grandfather left his navy medals to my Dad when he died. When my Dad passed away, my aunt turned up demanding them back. Apparently now that my Dad was dead they couldn’t stay with us as we weren’t ‘proper’ family and had to go to my aunt’s grandchildren. Mum was so overwhelmed she let them in. My cousin walked out on her kids a few year’s later and so now no-one knows where anything is. Sad, but I can’t help thinking it’s Karma for my Dad’s horrible family.

Tell her you will talk to her when she returns your mother’s property and not before.

Im so sad. Not even angry. I just opened a present from her. Hand-knitted socks! They completely lack the warmth i thought there was in between us. Thats hurts more than the silver. She can keep it.

See if you can play nice enough to steal it back, then never see her again.

Your aunt played to long game to get the family silver. She didn’t babysit from the goodness of her heart, she’s a scheming manipulative thief.

I’d probably give her one opportunity “These were passed to MY mother, it’s enough that I’ve lost her without you harassing my bereaved father to take sentimental items from my mother’s home. You can either return them and NEVER mention them again or we are done”

i think you’ll then see what the relationship means to her.

Bearing in mind how good she is to you, you should think about how she doesn't have a family with her own kids. All she has is memories of her childhood which included the silver. I can see how she'd think it's ridiculous that her BIL now has her parents' heirloom.

I would never see or speak to this nasty conniving woman again.

the silver was your mothers, to pass down to her children and grandchildren. How awful she has taken that away. I would honestly go nc , that bridge would have been well burnt.

I don't blame you for feeling betrayed.

Is she away from town?