Heartbroken-greedy aunt wwyd

[Noihin]

My mum was one of 5 siblings, and when my GPs died over 20 years ago, the siblings divided their parents belongings amongst each other. GPs were not wealthy but had some nice things. My mum got their wedding silver. Mum was really happy and we used them every Christmas. It was a big deal for her. I was also close to my GPs.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her. We, my mums children have not divided her belongings at all. They are still in the house with my dad, and we prefer it that way. I told her no. And that we use it, and it is part of our tradition.

I have grown really close to this aunt since my mums death. She has no children of her own and has been a huge part of our lives with babysitting, borrowing me her car etc. I have thought we have a genuine love for each other.

Now, i'm at my dads and i saw that the silver is gone. My dad said aunt came and demanded it last summer and he gave it her. He says its only materia and he doesn't think its right but he doesn't care.
I am deeply hurt. She went behind my back to do this, and has not once mentioned this to me all this time. I texted her to ask why she did this and she turned defensive and nasty. A side i've never seen if her before. I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The monetary value is not much, but its the greed, betrayal and disregard, as well as seeing the shady side of her that has shaken me. I don't know what to do. Im very bad at keeping up the appearances if someone has hurt me. On the other hand my children will miss her if i stop seeing her.

This is important here

This even :)

Thank you. Its really about the feeling of being lied to and manipulated. She has really upped the i-love-yous and favours since the summer and im kind of feeling now it is guilty concience or a way to hit back with the 'all-that-ive-done-for-you' crap. Im not cutting her off, and im not asking the silver back, but i have told her how much this shadyness has hurt me, and i guess the way she reacts and what she does from now on will tell me the truth about our relationship. At least i know now.

I notice the OP is refusing to acknowledge she wasn’t bequeathed the Silver. So she’s knows it wasn’t hers or her siblings. The mother’s estate passed to the father. The father gave the silver to the Aunt. It’s the aunts.

There’s nothing shady going on.

Well Im aknowledging it now. We are not in the UK, and the inheritance law here says that children inherit a parent. Not the spouse. Therefore everything my mum owned, belong to me and my siblings. Her finances were divided between us when she passed, but items we decided to leave in the family home until my dad passes away.

As soon as my mum died 10 yrs ago (she is the only sibling that has passed and died quite young) my mums sister started to mention she wants the silver and it belongs to her.

Why does she believe it belongs to her? What were the terms of your grandparents' will? Who inherited their family home when your grandparents dies.

Do you not think that was pertinent to the OP?

No. Because im not asking for legal advice. Im asking how to continue the relationship i once thought was genuine and close and now it turns out there were lies and deceit.

Aunt has been saying that the silver was given to my mum to borrow it was never hers to keep. But i remember my mums joy when she was the one who was given them. And how she mentioned it every Christmas when we took them out. She also received a chest of drawers and a clock. Other children got other things. No one else has mentioned them before. Just this aunt.

This has all the hallmarks of gaslighting

Who decided who got what when your Grandmothers possessions were divided? Was it specified or did they take turns choosing or what? It's possible it was promised to you Aunt

And what does your Mothers will say?

Which country are you in that the children not the spouse inherit?

Let today go.

but your aunt may have assumed you knew she had the silver since the summer when she took it and you’ve been ok with it.

id un block her and say you were shocked, you understood your mum got the silver from grandparents because she and other siblings got other things. But your mums silver would pass to you. You left it at your dads so you could still have it used at Christmas as per how things were when your mum was alive, you would have taken it to your house if you didn’t think they would happen. That you understand her not thinking your dad and his new partner should have it but you don’t understand why she feels you can’t have it, so you would like to arrange a date to come and collect it as you can’t see any family justification for you not having the silver. That 27th works for you unless she’d like to offer an alternative date for collection.

make her say no to you.

make her justify that she should have it not you.

I'm interested to know which jurisdiction, where absent a will, children inherit everything to the exclusion of a spouse.

I don't know who decided. The children did a weekend together at GPs house and divided items with whatever method they felt comfortable. No one ever said anything about it being unfair until my mum passed and suddenly the silver wasnt hers anymore (according to aunt)

Surely this is on your dad? He gave her the silver. He didn't have to do that.

My dad didn't lie.

I think children trump siblings and I would do anything I had to to get them back.

Do talk to your aunt and be clear the silver would go to your house, because she might be happy for her sisters child to have use of it, not her sisters husbands new partner.

On one hand awful of her the way she did it, on the other, it was her mother’s, now her sister is gone maybe she honestly just wants it because of childhood memories.

It was her parents wedding silver !
This thread is bizarre. Let her have it.

Look at it from her perspective. This is her family's silver. Passed from a parent to a child to a grandchild. Except a grandchild didn't take it. Instead it was left with a former in-law who is partnering up with a completely unrelated woman. Understandably she would like it to stay in the family.

Because when you didn't take possession of it, it belonged to your father to do with as he wished. Which he did. Your father wouldn't have given it away if he saw it as yours.

Unfortunately, when your mum died, your father automatically inherited, if your mum failed to leave a will or failed to mention what she wanted for her belongings before she died

It was technically your father's to decide what to do with

The fact that your aunt mithered him into handing it over is awful, but your mother's belongings should have been dealt with when she died

I wouldn't trust your dad to look anything I hold dear and I would be holding your aunt at arm's length

You and your siblings are just as much family as your cousins are

Except it was originally the aunt’s parents, so the scenario could also read children trump nieces.

OP, your aunt doesn’t have her own family and is likely more attached to her nuclear family including sentimental items. For whatever reason she is hugely attached to this particular item. unfortunately it also holds sentimental value for you. But your dad agreed to this.

Also might be worth checking the law - children inheriting all makes no sense, you could make the surviving parent homeless.