To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

He's had it since Thursday and hasn't reciprocated! Whilst telling you what he's bought for other people. Throw this one back, OP. Hope Santa brings you a better boyfriend next year.

I think that’s a bit crap OP. He’s had time to pop out and get you something in return. It’s mean not to.

💯% or what's the point? 4 months is plenty of time!

This makes it even worse! I'd be gutted, and I'd be looking to end the relationship, tbh.

I was going to ask about present giving but clearly it is a custom for him too.

I dunno - tbh even if I had the “talk” with a guy I am not sure I would buy a present for somebody I had only been dating for 4 months.

I’d wait and see. If he hasn’t got you anything, I think I’d end it to be honest. It’s not being grabby, it’s about being on the same page. Enjoy the next few days and let him show himself.

The only one who should feel like a tit is him. Never regret being kind and thoughtful. You know now he’s not worth it.

So in 4 months you've got him two gifts, and he's given you none. whilst buying for others. and this is meant to be him wooing you.

After 4 months I would get someone a token. Eg fancy chocolate or a (not hugely expensive) aftershave. I would expect something even a boots gift set and a card or similar. So a token for £10 would be fine but I would find nothing a bit odd. I actually think it would be fine to get nothing in an established relationship if you said to each other we are skint, let's not do presents this year. But with no discussion I would expect a little something.
How did he react when you gave him a present?

If you don't feel comfortable saying "I'm starting to make my list, remind me, are we doing Christmas presents for each other this year?" you can bring it up when you're discussing Christmas plans: "Since we aren't seeing each other on CD or BD, when were you thinking we'd exchange Christmas gifts? The XXth?"

Nah, don't feel like a tit.

You just behaved like yourself, which you should be able to do in a relationship.

The fact you gave him a birthday present should have clued him in you were likely to get him a Christmas present too. The fact it didn't occur to him - or he just didn't want or felt the need to get you one - isn't good.

Regarding talking about it - I think I might have said "are we doing gifts?" Rather than state baldly i was expecting a christmas present. It's entirely possible to talk about this.

Dial back the generosity massively.

If the promised perfume doesn’t materialise then he’s a tight arse Scrooge.

Stop paying for anything extra until you know his character.

You shouldn’t have to tell a guy you’re shagging that you want a Christmas present. It’s a bloody well given! The end!

Oh ok I take back my earlier comment / that would annoy me tbh and I would feel a way about continuing.

You are trying far far too hard OP.
A tiny token perhaps for his birthday.
Likewise for Christmas if you must.
Tiny being the word.
Spending large amounts is not wise.
Learn from this.
If he doesn't get you anything and doesn't at least say I am bringing you out for a special night or something I suggest you pull back big time.
Tight or thoughtless.....neither are a good look.

I sure as hell wouldn't be sleeping with him anytime soon if he is tight and thoughtless. Ick.

Exactly this. Honestly… dump him if he’s at the point of future-faking a bottle of perfume already!

Agreed with this poster. What you have done is thoughtful and dare I say it absolutely normal.

You deserve better @Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

If he doesn't think of you at this time of the year and can't even give you a token gift at this early stage - LTB

He might have ordered something and it's not arrived yet.

That for me would be the issue. I would not buy or expect a gift after 4 months. But if the guy I was dating bought me a gift I would think “shit” and buy him a small token of my affection (which would likely be shit as I would not know him well enough to know what to get but it’s the thought.)

Tbh OP this isn't a great start to a relationship. It wouldn't have hurt just to buy a box of chocolates or even some flowers, but nothing shows that he doesn't care.😔

Come on, 4 months is the honeymoon stage.

The OP was thoughtful enough to buy him a birthday present, it wouldn't have broken the bank to have bought a good quality bunch of flowers and a card.

That's what a thoughtful person would do, to give the message to the other person that they care about them/are enjoying their company whatever. Instead this bloke is showing who he is, it won't get much better that's for sure.

In the bin he goes! Next.

Dump him if he doesn't give you anything, it's just so rude to tell you about his gifts for others. If he didn't want to do presents with you he shouldn't have accepted yours.

I would say a small inexpensive gift would have been good. Thoughtful from what he knows about you so far but not love bombingy!

I understand why you would expect a gift but perhaps too early to let it determine your future potential relationship

It’s perfectly normal to be given birthday and Christmas presents from your boyfriend. Therefore not grabby to have expected it. Sorry op, it’s disappointing!