To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

Stick to your resolve op
No Explanations or excuses needed to your soon to be Ex
”It hasn’t worked out” is enough

If you don't dump him, then you are accepting his behaviour. He won't change. He's cheap and a user.

did you ask him where the perfume was?

He sounds miserable. I’d rather be single to be honest. Get rid op, you deserve better and I wish you had bought yourself a gift instead of one for him! Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Start the new year by ridding the baggage and not settling for less!

Have you dumped him was this to his face or by text

if I’d seen just the wine like I said before he’d of been flung out of the house there and then.

oblivious my arse he knew.

I'm married and we ask each other if 1. We are doing gifts and if we are then 2. What the other one wants. Not very romantic but saves any guessing and being irritated :)

This. He's set his standards. In the toilet. You either dump or accept that this is as good as it gets.

In this case Op had not only recently got this guy a birthday present but also gave him a Christmas present before the 25th, so there was no need for him to guess.

Any decent person would know they should bring a Christmas present - he also already indicated that he was getting her perfume which has not materialised.

He’s definitely gaslighting you. He knows he’s so wrong for treating you like this!

Instead of quietly resenting him and letting things simmer or hoping things fade out you should take control and just let him know this isn’t working (via text) no point dragging it out!

He’s going to be annoying you each time he contacts you so it’s best to make a clean break now. Send a clear message that you don’t tolerate this disrespect.

Ugh I was hoping he'd bring a gift with him when you saw him, I far prefer to see people opening presents so I don't like giving mine in advance to go under the tree for Christmas day and I was hoping it was that and he just hasn't communicated it. Imagine what he'd be like after years together if this is how he is at the point where people are usually still trying to impress. At least you found out now.

Awful. There would be years of this zero treats or gifts. At least you know op. Get rid.

Exactly. And this isn't simply about the guy not getting the OP a Christmas present. It's about control and the message he is choosing to send by deliberately choosing not to, despite knowing the OP got him a lovely birthday and Christmas present. He is gameplaying.

OP, get that cologne back. Say that on reflection, he's absolutely right, it was too much. Even if he's opened it and it's non-returnable. give it to your dad. Anything so that HE doesn't have it.

When that's done, dump him on either the 30th or the morning of the 31st. I agree with another poster that that's fair returns.

He's been aggressive towards you. He should not get to keep that gift.

And yes, getting nothing for your girlfriend while going on about all the stuff you've bought others, and while accepting her gift pre-Christmas, is an act of aggression against her.

She will. Thats why men get away with treating women so badly as there are always mugs like her who will be treated like a door mat yet still oblige. Tragic that someone could have such low self - esteem, really.

You may have spent alot of money on him, but it was worth every penny to find out what he was really like. He's wasted enough of your money, don't let him waste your time too x

Ah, I'm sorry OP, I had been really
hoping he would turn up with the perfume today and he's a bloody useless shit that he didn't.

I reckon dump him and be honest about why: eg 'I think it's best if we leave it there. I find stinginess really unattractive. Best of luck, goodbye". And block.

Onwards and upwards OP! You'll find someone who matches your generous spirit soon enough.

Ha. That's a good way to look at it! You paid £200 to take a dickhead test and it came back positive. So many women would pay much more to find out so early - you got a bargain really!

Unpleasant. The OP is not a “mug” and there is no indication of low self-esteem.

Don’t be nasty.

Break up with him. Tell him he is not up your standards, so good bye.

Have you ended it?

Yes it's over 😔

Sorry to hear the relationship is over, sending hugs but i'm sure there are better men out there waiting for you in 2025.

He was obviously a user and as he didn't fight for you, then he's not the one for you.

See it as dodging a bullet. A cheap lesson learned at £200.

What did he say?

So sorry @Feelingabitsillyatxmas1 How are you feeling?

@Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

You know what? When we do something hard that’s good for ourselves it’s easier the next time.

You chose your self respect. This is a lesson and you’ll remember and it will help you weed out these arseholes in the future.

You've done a great thing for yourself.

Just view it as dodging a bullet op.