To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

I'd been dating my DH a month at Christmas the first year we met. He bought me presents and wrote me a letter, and then turned up with more for my birthday which is Boxing Day. There's no way he'd have let it pass. This boyfriend of yours is a tight, thoughtless arse, OP. I'd really not accept that.

It's not being grabby, it's being in the early stages of a relationship and wanting to do nice things for the person you care for. Sod that. If he's like this now, imagine him years down the line - you'll be disappointed every birthday and Christmas.

And who the fuck tells someone they expect a present?! A present isn't something you should ask for, it's something someone should either want to give you or not. The OP's boyfriend chose not. He's a dickhead.

Oh, how true! I had a bf who was great fun but very tight fisted. Moths flew out of his wallet. He didn't get me a birthday present or card.

He sounds like the type of man who in years to come will have you doing all of his Christmas present buying but he still won't get you something. If he does it will be some random crap picked up Christmas eve.

Men who are mean with money are mean with love. You shouldn't need to remind someone to buy you a present for Christmas.

I’d toss this one back, if presents are important to you, @Feelingabitsillyatxmas1 . I know how he treats you the rest of the year is really important, but if he can’t be bothered to make the effort to give you a lovely gift when you’re in the first blush of the relationship, he’s never going to make the effort and that’s going to upset you several times a year for the rest of your relationship.

For comparison purposes, my now DH bought me two presents for our first Xmas together and we’d only been dating a couple of weeks. One was a book he thought I might like, the other was a radiator key because I’d mentioned in passing that my radiators weren’t warming up much and my flat was chilly, and he’d remembered. I still have the radiator key in the bottom of my jewellery box.

Op I think he’s a non starter. This is the heady feelings stage and he’s not even thought about you, despite getting two gifts already from you. He’s not even reciprocating. He’s buying others gifts so it’s not that he’s not a gift giver.
I’d throw him back tbh, especially if you want to feel loved and appreciated in your love life. Either you’ll have to tell him for the rest of your life to get you presents (possibly sending him links or you’ll end up with a household appliance) or he’ll never get you anything and you’ll feel totally unappreciated.
Also it’s not mercenary to want a gift, a handmade card or something cheap but thoughtful is just as amazing, even better because of the thought and time spent.
He’s just not bothered enough about you I’m afraid. Next!

I don’t think it’s good that he accepted a gift from you and didn’t say something about not getting anything for you or go out and buy at least a token gift in return.

Don't waste your money on him in future, and also give serious consideration to ending the relationship. If you continued this relationship you could end up always buying him presents and not getting a single one in return.

I'd dump someone if I'd been seeing them for more than a few weeks and they didn't buy at least a card/token gift.

I would ditch him.

My now DH and I had been together for 2 months when we had both our birthdays and Christmas. It didn't occur to me that we wouldn't exchange gifts .
That's a shame for you that you took the time to choose a gift and he hasn't reciprocated.

Honestly, dump him. You're getting a glimpse of your future. Give it a few years and you'll be one of those women on here buying and wrapping themselves presents so that the children don't ask why you haven't got anything.

Unless he has some cute surprise up his sleeve for tomorrow then he seems to be a bit rude / inconsiderate. It's absolutely not grabby to hope a new bf will mark your first Christmas together with a card / small gift or special day out etc. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, just a thoughtful gesture.

My DP is rubbish at gifts, most years I get something he's clearly ordered last minute that is not at all to my taste, now I know I have to spell out for him exactly what I'd like!! Gifts aren't very important to me so it doesn't upset me but if this is important to you, you should tell him you feel disappointed by his lack of effort.

I personally wouldn’t think to buy a partner of just 4 months a present but if I knew they’d got me one, then I would definitely get them one back.

I would be careful with this one.

Not only has he got you nothing, even though you’ve now got him 2 presents.

But he’s also said he’ll buy you something they hadn’t materialised - a well known tactic of dickhead men.

Maybe not put all of your eggs in one basket with this one, as I can’t see it lasting tbh.

It’s not a good sign for the future, really sorry OP. If nothing materialises you seriously have to wonder what he’s up to.

That's utterly crap.

Unless a present materialises in the next month or so I'd be reconsidering a future with this man.

He should still be absolutely besotted with you at this point!

• in the next week or so

For his birthday I got him the new football shirt out for the team he supports, which he loved.

For Christmas.. a high end mens perfume.

I feel awkward now because he'll know I splashed out when he sees what it is. I wish I'd just bought a token book or something.

I feel like such a tit.

I would be disappointed to not get something - just something to indicate he was thinking of you. If he doesn't give you anything at all - I would take it as a sign of things to come - if he can't make an effort when things are fresh he won't bother later.

Well, he’s made it clear that he’s not worth your time. So you can stop wasting it on him.

Unless he’s planned some sort of amazing surprise gift that he’ll be hand delivering to you tomorrow, time to get rid of this stingy git OP.

He didn’t even get you a card FFS 😵‍💫

As others have said, it’s a tale as old as time. The first few years are supposed to be the honeymoon period and he can’t even be arsed to get you a damn card let alone a present at Christmas?! He’s quite happy to tell you what he’s bought others though which again shows just how little he must think of you that you aren’t even an afterthought to him.

If you stay with him you’ll end up like those women who get nothing for birthdays, Mother’s Day etc and get upset about it, but why they expected any different when their partners have never bothered from the start.

Why though? Why do you feel like a tit for being a nice person?

The only person that should be embarrassed is him.

If he doesn’t get you anything when he sees you Friday, especially after seeing what you e given him, then dump him. You shouldn’t need to tell him you expect a gift. Men aren’t a different species; if he wanted to get you a present he would.

I’m telling you right now from massive amounts of experience - get rid. That’s just bullshit. It really is. I’m telling you, if you accept that… seriously, don’t accept it. If he doesn’t get you a Christmas present honesty, dump him. I can 100% guarantee you that he’ll be useless. Throw him back and tell him why. You deserve someone who gets you a Christmas present. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

See it as an investment in your future. Now that you know he's tight, you can think about dumping this investment and moving onto someone else who will give you a much better rate of return.

Sometimes you need to make a loss to gain something better.

You're not a tit, you're a lovely considerate person, unlike him, I'd wait until tomorrow to see if he got you something, after that I'd bin him off and find someone who really appreciates you