To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

Perhaps in your world but that’s clearly not what everyone thinks.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

And anyway OP said he’s buying presents
for others and I’m assuming they’re not all children or she’d have mentioned this.

Yes I agree. I don’t know where the “lavish gifts” has come from as op has never mentioned that she wants a lavish gift. Some people just make stuff up as they go along.

Some people may think it’s too early into the relationship to expect gifts but if someone bought me a gift I’d feel a bit shit not buying them a gift in return.
I’ve been treated in a similar way before - being told I’d get a present and then nothing! People like this know exactly what they are doing and I can 100% say the people who do this absolutely enjoy and get a kick out of getting people all excited and then making them feel shit with their empty promises. It’s extremely cruel and narcissistic.

That’s just ridiculous.

Typical Sagittarius. They can be thoughtless.

I must be a child in that case as I still get presents from both my bf and family.

What a bizarre way of thinking!

You’re not “such a tit” OP! Far from it. You were just being nice and generous to the person you are in a relationship with at times of the year when it is natural to give someone a gift.

It is possible of course you might get a voucher from him by email tomorrow - a spa voucher or an experience type thing.

If not, I would set a timescale in my head as to how long I would give him to reciprocate with a gift or a treat - for example by Valentine’s Day, and, if he didn’t, I would reconsider the relationship (I would also not be giving him any further gifts until he starts reciprocating).

I do hope he has something nice planned for you over the next couple of weeks. 💐

Most of us are children then 🙄

If he doesn't give you something next time you see him I'd question if he's the right guy for you.

The fact you got him a birthday gift it was fairly obvious you were doing Xmas and if he didn't want to he should have said.

But to not get you anything shows a lack of care for your feelings

Do people actually do that?

I wouldn't say 'I want a present please' but I'd definitely raise it before Xmas. I'd ask what would be like to do about presents and what sort of budget. Otherwise you would risk going OTT or missing the mark.
I think people are WEIRD if they feel too embarrassed to talk about things like that.

4 months isn't that long so I wouldn't expect a proper present. Id have rather suggested doing something together like going for a meal.

So you requested no Christmas presents/vouchers etc.... very noble if I believed you.

Nope not unreasonable at all. He knows to buy you a gift, you’ve had ‘the’ chat, you’re exclusive. You’ve bought him a thoughtful and considered birthday present, he is fully capable of buying g other loved ones gifts.

he can either pull something out of the bag and gets you something nice when he does see you or you tell him you’re disappointed (yes people do have those chats) and resolve to openly communicate your needs and what you’d like in the future.
or you dump him.

Some people may think it’s too early into the relationship to expect gifts but if someone bought me a gift I’d feel a bit shit not buying them a gift in return.

Yeah it’s just rude not to reciprocate. If he thought it was too early when she gave the birthday present he should’ve made sure OP knew not to gift him anything for Christmas. He has kept silent knowing she‘s likely to get him a Christmas gift too while he just gives her an empty promise. Pathetic.

I’ve been treated in a similar way before - being told I’d get a present and then nothing!

Yeah it’s annoying! I’d rather they just never said anything.

I dunno how true this is but I read somewhere that (some) people do the fake promises things because they like the instant praise it gets them without actually having to do the work. So the best way to handle them is not to react. Only say thanks / show appreciation when they’ve actually given you what they’ve promised!

So when for example a friend of mine kept saying she would pay the dinner bill the next time we met up (I’d paid for it a few times in a row) I just remained silent or gave a kind of neutral “cool” . Lo and behold when the evening came there was some mishap with her card and she wasn’t able to pay for me 😂

You're not a tit for buying a gift. You'll only be a tit if you say and do nothing about it.

Oh it's not like he didn't know you've got him a present then - I think a decent bloke would be embarrassed not to get you something in return and would've grabbed you something in the meantime.

I’d be really tempted to tell him that you made a mistake with the gift and got them mixed up and that you gave him your dad’s/ uncle’s/ brother’s / (or any other male family member you can think of) and that his gift is still at your house then take it back from him and either don’t bother to get him anything or replace it with something cheap. Then watch his reaction lol!

It's a bit unfair to be disappointed your expectations not met when you didn't make him aware..
It will make it easier,no matter how new the relationship is if you are able to communicate

Nope. I beg you OP don't listen to this bollocks. It's not 'unfair' to expect a grown adult who presumably has experienced Christmas before to buy a present for someone he cares about without being asked.

The fact that he knows gifts are most definitely expected because he's been staring at the one you've given him for 5 days makes this almost 100% irreparable.

Although it's not Christmas yet so there IS still a chance this is a bluff and he's been planning for weeks to surprise you tomorrow by turning up at yours with a pony. But I have my reservations...

Tbh I think not buying presents after 4 months is fairly normal, depending on the couple. However it’s the fact he KNEW you’d bought him one, and also a bday present, but still didn’t get you anything! That’s extremely rude. You need to call him out on it next time you see him… ‘so where’s my Xmas pressie then?’

Strangely, I would say that I would not read too much into it. When I was just beginning to go out with my now dh, he gave me diamond earrings for Easter, a diamond ring for Christmas and a diamond pendant for the wedding, all in one year. And he was poor, i.e. no savings, and a mortgage (flat). Then we got married, had dc and nothing sparkling materialised as yet after the wedding, seriously. My best friend's husband was stingy beyond belief when they were dating, he insisted on them splitting bills, etc. He was very rich, he later told her he was testing 'she was not with him for his money'. They are married now and she gets a jewel every Christmas, and what jewels she gets! A Georgian en treblant flower brooch, a foil-backed Georgian think-of-me brooch, Chopard transformer earrings, etc. YOU NEVER KNOW!

In what world? I had been with my boyfriend for six weeks when it was my birthday and I got several gifts.

Not read too much into it? When he’s told op he would buy her some perfume but hasn’t bothered? As I said earlier it’s just cruel and nasty to make empty promises knowing op would be looking forward to receiving this “perfume” he said he would buy for her! I’d be reading an awful lot into someone who plays shit games like that. I doubt he’s testing her to see if she is not with him for his money.

Not ok. Tell him so. I'd consider dumping him.

Tell him that you've realised you accidentally gave him the present that you bought for your brother/dad/uncle and swap it for a parcel containing a chocolate orange.

Did he at least say something like, oh sorry I’d didn’t know we were doing presents? If he didn’t he’s an arse..

Not unreasonable or grabby in the slightest. This is weird. I’d find that really off putting and have to break up with him. Was he not even embarrassed that you’d got him something and he hadn’t got you anything ?

See if anything turns up tomorrow. Then if not you should ask him where your present is, or tell him that you were sad he didn’t get you anything. Nip this shit in the bud now or you’ll be one of the women on here in 10 years who’s never got anything at Christmas. Honestly the fact that people expect to be given presents and generally treated nicely but not have to buy presents is so deeply unsexy it’s like they think they’re five years old! Hoping something arrives tomorrow and merry christmas!