To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

I think all this reflects very well on you. You’re generous and he’s mean spirited. Hold your head high and think of the story of the Christmas Carol. Scrooge turns his life around by being generous. You’re the good guy here. Clubcard cunt needs to be embarrassed

Let it be a lesson OP.
No doubt he will be back on to you as he sees you as the perfect soft touch with money and low esteem.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk for yourself for 2025.

Stay the hell away from men with children
They make awful partners and are usually selfish, mean, looking for a skivvy aupair for their children.

You deserve so much better than that.

Buy the book "Women who love too much"
Every woman should.

This. It's actually a good thing that he showed you so early on that he's stingy. You don't want to have DC with him so you dodged a bullet.

Don't reply at all.

Just take this onboard as a life lesson.

I like @orangewasp s reframing of it. Don't beat yourself up, or spend more precious energy worrying for now. It's Christmas.

Run babe. It's Christmas irregardless of how long you been together.

He has shown you how he will treat you for the rest of the relationship.

Don't lower your standards because of him. Unless you're willing to accept it if he can offer other things in the relationship.

The perfect response!

Thos. You deserve so much more than this.

I wouldn’t even reply to him now. What a clubcard cunt.

Nah that's not on OP.
Set the bar high now and ltb

Yes. Don't reply. Block if you want. Move away from this guy in your head. He's a drain. You're opening up to better things.

You have nothing to cringe or be embarrassed about, you wear your heart on your sleeve and some will misuse but its what will make others love you! Just be you, its their loss if they don't realise what a diamond they have.

Maybe the lesson is to be a bit more reserved about the extravagance of your gifts and keep it small to begin with. You do you ...and let them be them. Some guys just need to understand your hopes and expectations. But in fairness, as you gave him a birthday gift, he should have realised you were a giver and it needed reciprocating.

I'm going to add a different perspective here- early days of dating, my now husband bought me chanel perfume, I was suprised and embarrassed I hadn't got him a gift. We were only a few weeks together, but had been colleagues/ friends already. Next time I saw him, after Christmas, I gave him a smaller, but sentimental gift of something we had been talking about on one of our dates.

Please stop apologising for this waste of space!! The op has already said this guy said he would buy her perfume, he hasn’t! Nothing more to be said! I wish people would stop throwing another ‘perspective’ when op has written in detail what this waste of space has done to her!!

The OP asked for opinions, we gave them and she is fine, even thanking us but you just keep taking pops at us. We are allowed our point of view and just because you don't like it, doesn't mean we are going to stop having one. You seen very bitter and unhappy, almost hoping for a negative outcome.

People misjudge the situation sometimes and realise their error and make amends. In life, its how we deal with our failures that count and as the previous poster shows, its not always a negative outcome.

Go rain on someone else's parade.

As you can see from all op’s updates…. He hasn’t got her a present, he hasn’t sneaked one into op’s house and under the tree without her knowing, he hasn’t posted one through her letterbox and he hasn’t come round to her house with one today. Neither has he gone out and got her a last minute present! Myself and other posters saw this coming. Unfortunately when people have been the victims of abuse, it’s much easier to spot the very early signs of abuse as it usually starts with emotional manipulation and subtle ways of building up someone’s hopes, only to pull the rug from underneath them. He was never going to give her a present, otherwise he would have handed her one when she saw him yesterday. He’s a selfish, self centred prick and I saw this coming to the point I could have told you yesterday exactly how this scenario would play out. I have had years of dealing with people who behave like this.

You are very naive!!

Ha ha I'm simply saying, if he's good in other ways, I would wait and see if he makes it up to her. I only got my husband a cd after the perfume. He could have assessed I wasn't worth the effort, but he didn't, and 22 years later I'm glad he didn't assess me as a waste of space. However only the OP knows what other qualities he brings to the table.

But he said he was buying her a gift and your saying your piece all well and good but he’s in the wrong here all because he said he was buying something and didn’t,

Totally agree!

You do realise these people show up as being ‘good’ in the beginning then their behaviour (usually over many months/ years) slowly deteriorates! He may appear good in other ways now but as early as 4 months into a relationship he is showing op who he really is.

Awww if only you was correct in your naivety! Have a lovely Xmas 😁

It like you are feeding off other peoples potential misery. No it doesn't look good but it is by no means over yet. Let her decide.

He is actually a total embarrassment.

No im not. I’ve given my advice! Anyone giving op false hope with far fetched ‘ideas’ about how he might have sneaked one under he tree in her house without her knowing is just ridiculous. It seems you are feeding off her misery and trying to build up her hopes when we both know your imagination is way too far fetched! This isn’t a romantic movie it’s someone’s life whom after being a victim of abuse myself I am screaming my knowledge at the op to tell her to get out while she can! He’s shown her who he is. If you want to downplay that then you go find a guy who you’re happy to have treat you like that while hoping and praying you find a ‘surprise’ gift under your tree that you’re never going to get!

This. The false promises that never come to fruition.