To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

I hope you're having a nice day OP. Merry Christmas xx

Thank you for the Christmas wishes 🙂

I am having a lovely day with family, parents and siblings. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a touch sad though.

Don’t be embarrassed about being kind and generous. He’s the one who should be embarrassed. It doesn’t matter in the scheme of things. Try not to overthink it.

OP, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You're kind and generous and have no problem with commitment and showing your special someone that you care. He's the one who clearly has attachment issues.

I think the OP who reframed this as a 200-pound fee to smoke out bad partners is brilliant!

I'd leave it a couple of weeks and then dump him, saying you're not feeling a spark anymore. Don't say it's because of his behaviour at Christmas. Tell him you've gone off him. Prick his ego.

I've learnt something from this thread, and that's that presents should be discussed ahead of time.

But then OP wouldn't have seen what a colossal lump he is.

Never mind, OP! He's not for you. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Try to enjoy what's left of your Christmas. Hugs xxxx

Thank you for the kind comments I appreciate them. This has been eye opening that's for sure.

Usually, he checks in with me throughout the day irrespective of what he's doing (working, activities with the kids, running errands etc). He's one of those people who just texts. A lot.

Today he has been the quietest he's ever been.

I did reply to his message thanking me for his present earlier, I just said "no problem, glad you like it" and he left me on read.

He can go and fuck himself now.

Your turn to go quiet OP. Onwards and upwards. Enjoy your Christmas with your loved ones.

That's awful! It's not about having a present either is it it's the thought and there was no thought on his side xx

Op not sure why you replied to him but don’t accept this behaviour as ok. Please just move on. Know your own self worth and don’t put up with these crumbs

I hope he's died of embarrassment and that's why he's not been in touch that much. Weird little man 🤢

I predicted this would happen. What a twat!

He will probably contact you later today/ tomorrow/ day after pretending nothing has happened/ hasn’t done anything wrong. I would just block him. I would also advise that you don’t tell him how upset/ hurt you are as he is obviously getting a kick out of hurting you. He has done all this on purpose so don’t give away the bit of power over him you have left. Just leave the relationship and tell him you’re not into games and false promises and you’d like to find a real man, that he’s not the one for you and block.

To be honest, it's only in the early days that I consider them important. Now we are married, my husband and I share our money- so if we buy the other something, it is both of us buying it. Presents are all about the kids now really. In the first year or two of our relationship was the only time presents really mattered to me. OP, YANBU to be disappointed to not have anything.

Kick him into touch!

Don't beat yourself up: you bought those gifts in good faith and because you wanted to. If he doesn't reciprocate somehow, that's on him. He's possibly been busy with family today and a bit taken aback by your generosity (it's Christmas, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt).
However, I'd give him until Friday at the latest to either produce the perfume he was 'going to get you' (talk is cheap) or return the gift you bought for him. If neither of those things happen, I would write him (and Tom Ford) off as an expensive mistake. Like I said, don't beat yourself up: we've all done something out of character at the start of a new relationship with someone we like (well, I have anyway x)

Just to add, OP, don't just be a little disappointed... I think you have the right to be downright hurt and furious.

Okay, he didn't have to get you a £200 gift. But a box of chocolates or something, or flowers, just as a noce gesture? Especially knowing you had something for him, AND especially as he had mentioned getting something for you? Of course he should have. I'm not one for gifts generally, but the way he has acted here is very telling and I'd be finishing with him ... not specifically because he didn't get you a gift, but because he has shown he doesn't really care.

He’s obviously a fuckin twat!

So it's agreed that we're not naming him clubcard cnt in your contacts - you are just blocking him right, right *??? 👍 🙏

Merry Christmas btw 😘

Wow he sent you links knowing full well the implications of that. And he did buy for others, so his GF would be assumed too! Sorry op, you deserve better. You didn't do anything wrong. It's all on him. He should feel absolutely ashamed of himself

OP, as an aside if you don’t have kids you’re better off dating men without kids anyway. Even men without kids may fail to do things for women due to selfishness and laziness but I feel it often escalates once they have children.

It kind of gives them a legitimate reason to not prioritise you which they will gleefully use to explain why they can’t do x and y for/with you.

They often go on about how much they do for their kids, as if excuses how little they do for their partner. I’m sure he’ll be along soon to tell you how much he spoilt his kids.

I see this all the time on here and some women actually fall for it, excusing their partner from doing the bare minimum due to the man having kids.

When you date again start afresh with a man in a similar situation with you. It’s less complicated.

I wish you could get your money back for the cologne, OP. If he hasn't opened the cellophane then you should be able to. Could you text him saying that you did get carried away and that on reflection it was too much, and if he hasn't opened it, could you please have it back? You can deal with the relationship part later, but letting him know you'd like it back is time-sensitive because of the packaging. Then at least you would get your money back.

Even if he's opened it and you can't return it, I'd get it back from him and give it to a male relative instead.

The relationship needs to end anyway, seeing as he's upset you so much at Christmas, so even if there's no truly graceful way to get the gift back, it doesn't matter because things are ending anyway (from what I can tell), and at least HE won't have it.

Even if he rocks up with the perfume he promised in the next few days, I think you should stand firm. Just think about the game-playing and how he was happy to upset you on Christmas.

Take it as a blessing. A lesson that cost
you a bottle of aftershave. You know who he is, and you know he is not worthy of your time.

I would wait

until tomorrow happens - if it is going to ?

and I suppose that depends on him getting in touch to confirm / make firm arrangements

as he has all day today, and some of tomorrow to buy the perfume he had initially mentioned and he may even get it in a sale !!!

then I would take the weekend to consider the ' relationship '

It’s only been 4 months and he’s proven himself to be selfish and insensitive, so I wouldn’t even meet up with him to end things. A text or a call would be enough and I’d do it before the end of the year.

Ltb

You absolutely need to finish with him, it’s no reflection on you that it hasn’t worked, he’s shown his true colours an imo you need to run a mile. Sending hugs 🤗 you are worth more

Me too.