AIBU to only do a token gift for my 12 yo but more for siblings?

[Lovelysummerdays]

DS wanted and is booked to do an expensive ski holiday with school costing over £1k plus buying skiwear. It’s not a case of everyone doing it as eldest has missed out due to covid. Also not run every year for youngest. Deal was it’d be birthday and Christmas for two years. Trip is in January 2026. It’s over what I’d normally spend tbh.

Is it unreasonable to stick to that? He does have a bit of sad face as I was trying to, gently, manage expectations. I do have to cough up another £200 quid in January.

I do think it’s a life lesson, but at the same time I feel a bit mean.

Have you at least got him a stocking?

Yippee a necessary school item to get homework done. 😒
Most secondary schools put homework online and the students upload it online. Textbooks are digital
A laptop is the equivalent of buying a textbook and writing notebook.

I think a few cheap token presents would take the sting out of it. Not unreasonable to not get a big present though especially as his dad will get him a big present.

Fair enough, but cutting something else is significant and could affect siblings.

Why not let DS make the choice?

Literally says it in the title of the post...

This is definitely where it's easier with just one DC. As a teen we often gave DS presents which covered both Christmas and birthday (eg play station), sometimes given at a time of year which was neither birthday nor Christmas, and just smaller presents to open at the birthday / Christmas. But with just one DC there wasn't the comparison.

That's on his dad - who knows what the laptop is for, whether it's an upgrade etc, if he games or watches or creates content etc. The child has been at secondary school a while now.

Loads of people give laptops as gifts. As well all sorts of other essentials like clothes, pyjamas, books, bikes, trainers etc.

Why not expand the choices? I think “the choice” of 2 years of Christmas/birthdays or school ski trip isn’t the only option available to OP and DS. There are likely other ways that are not as significant across the board.

There are many ways to skin a cat as they say.

@SummerFeverVenice

A laptop is the equivalent of buying a textbook and writing notebook.

Not for many families it isn't.

But you knew that when you wrote the post.

No wonder young people's expectations are so out of hand these days. People acting like it's cruel when the kid is going on an amazing trip which he's asked for. Wrapping up a few bits to open and reminding him he's going on a wonderful trip is more than enough OP. Have a lovely christmas.

To many kids and people a laptop is not something that you just get like pencils and pens as a perfunctory item.

Sure, but this seems a perfectly sensible choice to offer.

I'm just not getting the pathos here. Laptop, hoodie, token gifts, presumably gifts from other family, contribution to big holiday.

Is that really seen as a sad Christmas for a twelve year old?

If you think he'll be upset maybe see if you could do combined present opening with his dad, OP? But maybe he'll surprise you be showing more maturity than you might expect?

My son asked for money and saved it up for 2 birthdays and 2 Xmasses to buy the Lego Death Star when he was 7-8. He was so proud counting all his cash and Smyths vouchers when he finally went in to buy it. We could have just bought it for him but he wouldn’t have gotten the lessons about saving and goals and the sense of achievement. He is still a great saver and hard worker.

Maybe mock up a voucher towards the ski trip on computer and print it out. This voucher could be marked ski&equipment hire, next one could be ski lessons, 3rd one could be travel/flights, 4th one could be accommodation. Add ski goggles and ski lipblock or a few practical items he won’t grow out of to open on Xmas Day. 12 is a great time to learn that money doesn’t grow on trees and the value of “saving” for a big thing.

Aw id feel terrible doing that but he is getting token presents and a great present from his dad and a brilliant experience when it comes, delayed gratification as a thread on here was about last night. Will he have presents at yours to open from others on Xmas morning also?

Your DS is getting a laptop for Christmas! And those other bits you've got him, which would in themselves be equivalent to all that some kids get for Christmas. And knows he has this ski trip coming. AND YET still has a sad face!

I always thought - and was often told - that I was spoilt rotten as a kid but this seems like a whole new level that surpasses my understanding. Just wow.

Yes, I know all about all other families, because I’m an omniscient goddess.
What a stupid thing of you to say.

Yes what is with the claims that this is some sort of deprived miserable Christmas? Dreamland.

I think it’s cruel for a 12 year old a 15/16 year old maybe my daughter went to France this January and is off skiing too Easter 2026 similar price.
however we always said they could have one big trip each eldest went to new York with Sxhool middle missed out due to covid but we paid for first holiday abroad at 18.
i couldn’t let them sit there on Xmas day and have nothing to open that’s just me

This is a great idea OP I'd do this.

He can already ski though. Also I’ll put time and money into more skiing lessons/ practice throughout the year.

I couldn't do that. Forgoing presents for 2 years is cruel

Great idea! That’s lovely of you to do.

Maybe she should have said that in the first post because now this whole thing is a non issue. Hun.