DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

You're currently abusing him OP. You need to go and apologise to him now.

He can be there for you without having to hear constant complaining. It is very draining on the people around you even when you don’t intend it to be.

It sounds like he’s sick of you moaning and using your diagnoses as more reason to moan. Just have a think and really analyse whether you have been fun to live with recently (or for a long while).

You moaned THREE times that you were cold despite the heating being on. Yeah, you were being annoying.

You were upset at being cold. Your husband had acknowledged you were cold and tried to "fix" it by putting the heating on. What precisely else do you want him to do? Listening to someone moan is not helping them.

As an aside, I have Raynaud's syndrome. This means that I always wear extra layers and generally have even more with me because I know I get cold. If you know you get colder than the average person then why are you not doing the same?

He should “be there for you” because you’re a bit cold in his car? Bloody hell I’ve heard it all now.

I probably would’ve had a rant at you as well in his situation, just moan moan moaning about something that can’t be solved. That would drive me insane. And as for the comment in your original post about how “husbands should listen, just listen”…poor, poor guy.

Problem with your thyroids can effect your ability to regulate - I have Haisimotos disease can make you feel either.

But I’m team DH here. My children walk to school with a coat, scarf and gloves. I suffer the cold badly but I wouldn’t moan to my partner about his car and we have 2014 plates. Or moan if I was walking or didn’t have a car.

What do you want your partner to do? Magic warmth in the car? You are lucky you have a car and that it has a working heater. For me, myself and my partner went for a coffee yesterday but our usual coffee shop was closed (dog friendly) and we went to one that wasn’t dog friendly so had to sit outside. He checked I was ok with that, they did have outside heaters but they were off and he did go in and ask nicely if they could pop them on. He also nipped back to the car and got me a blanket. That was kind of him and he knows sitting in the cold is hard for me (I have some joint issues too). It was nice with a heater on and blanket even in 3 degrees. That was for 45 minutes.

As a tip though, leave your children’s clothes including socks on the radiator overnight and then they are warm to put on, same with your clothes and coats and scarfs and hats. Putting on toasty warm clothes on a cold morning is lovely. Invest in decent coats and a pair on driving gloves etc and nice warm boots. Good kit is half the battle. But don’t moan at him.

You say his car is older and takes a while to warm up.
You said you were cold twice. Then you said you were concerned about it being cold when he takes the children to school in the morning and then you complained that your feet were still cold.

You complained 4 times about something he could do absolutely nothing about. He can't magically make his car heat up faster. You didn't present solutions you just moaned.
I think it's a bit pathetic really. You know you have health issues. You knew you were going in the older car so you should have put warmer/extra clothes on.
I'm not surprised he was pissed off at you. He shouldn't have "ranted" though but I would also have been annoyed if you'd gone on like that.

'Be there for you' about cold feet in the car? Give over

Kids won’t be cold - surely they’ll have coats on and be dressed for the outdoors? Honestly, dial down the complaining. It’s really tiresome being on the other end of it.

Poor man. I hope he doesn’t apologise as he hasn’t done anything wrong and if he does it’ll only be to appease you.

I imagine he’s doing the proverbial walking on eggshells that people always suggest means a very bad relationship.

Buck up or he’ll leave you.

Not the point I know, but the last time I said drama queen on mumsnet I was called a misogynist! She is being a drama queen though.

Flipping heck. If it's cold in the car, reach out your hand and put the heater on, don't repeatedly moan to someone else about it!

My DS has hypothyroidism and our car is an 07 plate-and cold.
He may mention that it’s cold every now and then (but only once per journey!) any more and I would ask him to be quiet.

Unless the hot air from your complaints heats up the car there is literally no point to it.

Also, he has nothing to apologise for, so you not "forgiving" him is a bit mad. Sounds like you're the one who needs the forgiveness!

I’m sorry, OP but I think I might have had a rant at you for repeatedly moaning about being cold. Being cold isn’t nice but you could have worn more/different clothes to prevent being so cold.

Moaning without doing anything to improve the situation is a waste of your breath and annoying for those who have to listen.

Cars take a while to warm up in the morning. I imagine every child in the country who is driven to school in the winter starts their journey in a cold car, ffs.

It's also why we keep a couple of throw blankets in the car in the winter.

YABU, OP

Who on earth voted this person is not unreasonable?!
Even if you like listening to whining about nothing, stonewalling is abuse.

Sorry but that would get on my nerves. Don't you think he's knows the car is cold? Unless he's driving with the air con blasting and the windows down, YABVU.

He has turned the heat up, to the best of his ability, there's no point moaning on. If you're like this about other things it really does sound like you're a pain in the arse.

Please consider:
having a blanket you can grab by the front door ready for when you go out
always having gloves in your coat pockets - thicker ones in the winter
wearing thermal trousers and warm boots
woolly hat
hot water bottle - I take one of these if car is going to be cold
In addition to all of the above, starting the car 10 minutes early and giving it time to warm up.

You sound tiresome as hell OP.

Some of these replies are unnecessarily unpleasant - suggesting that your husband will leave you etc. HOWEVER like a couple of posters here I have a mum who moans and complains incessantly. Go for a lovely meal and she complains that something isn’t on the menu, or it’s draughty when someone opens the door, or the food is taking too long or the music is to loud or all of them! Go to the theatre and she will nitpick every minor thing even though everyone else had a great time. We make a family joke of it but the truth is, it is a real drag. It’s depressing and spoils things when someone complains relentlessly especially if there’s nothing you can do about it. I honestly believe it has become a habit for my mum and she doesn’t realise how much she does it or the effect on other people. Could that be you? I know you feel upset that your husband lost his temper with you but maybe reflect on how pointless moaning makes him feel. I also know that autistic thinking can be very black and white - ‘a good husband listens with exception’. But while we all vent at our partners from time to time, being married doesn’t make one partner a limitless receptacle for complaints.

Gosh sorry you're getting slated OP. I really feel for you. I am a bit of a complainer and luckily I have a partner who takes it all in good jest. He might slightly rib me and we will have a laugh about it. But he's never ranted at me and got angry. Contrary to what others are saying, I would perceive that as being abusive, not what you are doing. All you did was express your opinion that you're feeling cold, and then empathically wonder if your kids also feel cold in the mornings. That's being a good, caring mum. I think posters here are reading too much into what you did (assuming you're being overly grumpy and negative) as opposed to the reality which was that you were expressing some mild feelings (feeling a bit cold). There are definitely people out there who can react to this nicely and it isn't too much to expect. I am also ND so maybe I am more understanding of you than other posters here. My partner is also ND which is perhaps why he's a good match for me in that respect. He can say anything to me about how he is feeling/thinking, and I can say anything to him, we don't attach more to it than a genuine expression of feelings.

What's being nd got to do with this?
My car takes ages to warm up . No amount of telling me it's cold will heat the car quicker . It drives me mad when people say it all the time

Contrary to what others are saying, I would perceive that as being abusive, not what you are doing

Of course you would, because you behave the same way and don’t want to accept it’s shoddy behaviour.