DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

OP: AIBU?
Majority of replies: Yes. Yes you are!
OP: No I’m not

🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you have any idea how draining it is for people around you. Sometimes people just have enough

Whingers are always so defensive. My mum’s reply is always “I was only saying” with a little pout and puppy eyes brimming with tears of self-pity.

So ironic when she makes out she's such a great listener!

Two of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism is being very irritable and feeling hot.

I was particularly irritable before diagnose, now I'm just a fucking grumpy old lady so make sure I try and switch it off as its really draining rot be with someone negative all the time

Don't be daft. These replies are so dramatic. I have a really easy going and happy relationship with my partner. He doesn't lose his rag when I say it's cold. I complain here and there and he ribs me for it. But I'm also incredibly joyful, I bring positivity, and stimulating conversations, and share great experiences, and we have lots of quiet time together which we both get a lot from, such as reading together, or each of us pursuing our separate activities. People are really inferring a lot more from what the OP than what is written, which is that she expressed she was cold when she was feeling a bit cold. It is possible to have a well rounded relationship in which you can express yourself honestly. Lots of assumptions are being casually thrown around, and posters are inferring that OP is continuously being negative and grumpy, that she is complaining 100% of the time. I don't think that's a fair assumption at all. Posters are also making the assumption that it's all the OPs fault they haven't been speaking for 2 days (that she is giving him the silent treatment). She didn't say that, that is another inference. If someone went off on an angry rant at her it's possible she is in an autistic shut down phase due to the emotional overload. It may also be her husband who initiated the silent treatment following his abusive rant.

Problem with your thyroids can effect your ability to regulate - I have Haisimotos disease can make you feel either.

Its not like that - hypo makes you feel cold hyper makes you feel hot

Hashimotos is the opposite of hyperthyroid - if you are hyper, you can literally live with the heating on at 14 degrees and wonder why every other fucker is complaining

What did you actually want him to do though? The heating is on. There is no more to say. Very dramatic to be concerned about the kids going to school.

I would agree/sympathise first time you mentioned but after that it is annoying.

This may be where your ND is making you blind to just how rude you were in this situation. Yes your DH did react rudely back to you, but not to be childish, you did start it off. I would expect you to apologise first and reflect on how complaining 3x about the car being cold is OTT when the person has already responded to the 1st complaint and done the best they can to fix it. Try and apply this, don’t keep complaining when it’s being fixed rule to other parts of life.

Also, if you are genuinely concerned the children are cold going to school in the morning, offer to swap cars for the winter and plan to trade his in for a newer one in the next year.

Obviously he should take your needs into account generally but this isn't exactly a disaster is it, and you mentioned it more than once, so tbh I'd be frustrated too.
One of my mottos for life is " Don't sweat the small stuff"

Things is OP will not realise she is being so irritable and negative if she is not being treated correctly and on the right level of medication

Best thing you can do Op is get your gp to do a blood test and see whats happening

You are getting terrible advice in this thread OP. Your husband had no right to be nasty to you because you said your feet were cold. Don't doubt yourself. If your husband has form for this, then write a more well-rounded post on mumsnet in the future which more accurately captures how your relationship plays out, as you've given a tiny snapshot and people are making possibly incorrect assumptions based on that.

Absolutely! You don't know cold until you've got dressed in a house with no central heating then walked to school in the snow!

It's OP who should apologise. Not him.

I expect he was cross/upset about the comments because there is nothing at all he can do about it. I'm a 'fixer' and your comments would make me think that you were expecting me to fix it. Unless you're proposing buying a newer car, then there is zero point commenting on the temperature in the car and instead just dress appropriately for the car (knowing it's cold).

There's quite a difference between just commenting.. 'I'm cold, it's cold, my feet are cold, the kids are cold' and... 'we're going to be taking your car, so I'll go and warm it up before we need to leave' or... 'I didn't realise how cold your car is, did you want to look at replacing it so it's more comfortable?'

I struggle with this, so I try to say something more positive if I'm going to be saying something negative. It also means I take more time to think before speaking and therefore don't blurt out as much.

Also can we please take into account on this thread that OP really may well not realise how they are behaving.

I went from a placid almost horizontal character to having to be told at work to leave my boss at work as I wanted to tear him a new one - I was awful and for the people around me they struggled with my change. Its bizarre

Oh come on, we don't live in Iceland. Loads of kids WALK to school in the car. They'll be fine.

Buy yourself a couple of pairs of pure wool socks and some ugg boots. Seriously, you need to look after your feet if they are so painful when cold.
Dress as if you are at a ski field.

She said that he told her she complains all the time, so while that is likely to be an exaggeration, there’s usually no smoke without fire. She also said that she is unwilling to forgive him, so it’s not an unreasonable inference that she’s the one doling out the silent treatment.
Your husband is ok with your moaning… fab! Great that you’ve found each other! You can both moan about things that can’t be solved to your heart’s content. Doesn’t mean everyone else should be happy to put up with listening to it.

But you're not ill or bedridden

You're cold and whiny

Please grow up

What did you expect him to do? It's winter so put on a hat and scarf? Buy a cheap fleece blanket if you're that bothered 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like other posters here, What did you want him to do right there and then? He put the heater on.
What exactly did you want him to do after he acknowledged you were cold?

You don’t understand the disease.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hashimotos-disease/symptoms-causes/syc-20351855

I do given I have it. Symptoms are:

Hashimoto's disease progresses slowly over the years. You may not notice signs or symptoms of the disease. Eventually, the decline in thyroid hormone production can result in any of the following:

• Fatigue and sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Increased sleepiness
• Dry skin
• Constipation
• Muscle weakness
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
• Joint pain and stiffness
• Irregular or excessive menstrual bleeding
• Depression
• Problems with memory or concentration
• Swelling of the thyroid (goiter)
• A puffy face
• Brittle nails
• Hair loss
• Enlargement of the tongue

Read it again, increased sensitivity to the cold. Number two.

Thyroxine and I take a large daily dose of this, it relieves some of these symptoms but I am very very sensitive to the cold. Other factors also affect me the amount of stress, workload, exercise and so on. Symptoms are controlled to a greater of lesser degree but my thyroid has effectively failed now. When you take thyroxine your level is constantly changing up and down alongside other factors. Most of the time you get a constant daily dose of thyroxine. And mine is pretty much controlled but I am very very sensitive to the cold and given our temperature inside, outside and so on is varying massively as we go about our normal lives, so will how we tolerate it.

What would I know about thyroids - I had mine removed

What would you like him to do exactly? Why moan at him about something that's not his fault and he has no power to change. You sound bloody irritating. No he isn't there just for you to moan at. Hes probably miserable poor bloke.

@Bettib00 you would hate my 18 year old car, which is freezing first thing in a morning when I put my 3 year old in it to go to nursery.

It's winter, it's cold outside and therefore cars are cold. Go back further than the 10 (ish) years before his car was built and cars were regularly cold of a morning and took way longer to heat up. It didn't hurt us back then, it won't hurt now.