DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

Also can we please take into account on this thread that OP really may well not realise how they are behaving.

If they don't realise it after 11 pages of MNers pointing it out, there's little hope.

My sister does this and I call it Shit Weaselling. Pointing out the negatives, things that are shit, where there is no practical way of altering that. Stuff that has already happened and cannot be undone, stuff neither of us can actually change.

Only you can change and stop being a Shit Weasel - so before you open your mouth, think:

Does he already know this?
Do either of us have the power to change this?
Is this constructive?

If you answer no to any of those things then shut up. Revisit it if you come up with a solution to the problem.

Some people are Shit Weasels because they subconciously want others to join them in their misery, some genuinely have no idea that it irritates others when they bang on and on about negative things that can't immediately or ever, be fixed. Some think it is just normal conversation (it isn't) and some are doing it to intentionally upset and piss off or bring down others.

I'm absolutely not judging why you do this - but have a think about how often you make such negative comments, where there is no constructive purpose or solution... vs how often you make positive comments.

There is a world of difference between a passing comment:

'Bloody 'ell it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey in here, ooh I do like your winter gloves, do you fancy chips for tea?'...

And a constant drip of negativity:

'Bloody 'ell it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey in here, I've told you its too cold for the kids on the way to school they must freeze every day, I can't stand being this cold all the time its horrible... '

Only you can change this.

Yes you're right, men are always wrong, never woman. That's equality, right?

This thread is a good example of the fact that women, including ND women, cannot chat with other women on a public forum. We all must sit up and be corrected by the many men on mumsnet waiting to pounce.

Or maybe it’s a good example of a woman asking if she was being unreasonable and being told that she was BECAUSE THIS IS THE CASE.

Women can and should call other women out for being unreasonable
Women aren't automatically right just because they are women

I am most definitely a woman, and I think the OP is being unreasonable.

I doubt the op returned passed page 2 after the vitriol spouted

Calling her out for her unreasonable behaviour is not vitriol

It is of course possible that OP's husband is a bellend... it's not the law that only one person in a couple can have behavioural flaws or negative behaviour patterns. Its possible t hey can BOTH be dicks.

But it is the OP posting, she can only alter her own behaviour, not someone elses.

Only a man would say “ women aren’t automatically right just because they are women “

And Op is asking for consideration being ND and wants to learn from opinions, but not to be taken down a rabbit hole and being presented unnecessary personal insult s from bitter and twisted men

Only a man would feel the need to use capital letters to make very clear their position of superiority over women

Christ on a bike.

I hope Santa brings you a head wobble overnight

Thanks man have merry Christmas to you and yours!
My gorgeous Dh brought me joy in his Santa sack

No. Not only men. Because I'm not a man. But you are suggesting women are somehow magically protected from being wrong because of their gender.

I would hazard most of the replies here are from women. You just want to expand your ridiculous man hatred with no proof at all that men are involved

OP isn't asking for consideration, she's looking for reassurance she is right.

Only a man would make a sexual joke

See how dumb it is?

Beg to differ. Most can tell the difference between a bitter and twisted man who must annoy women for the sake of it and a woman who disagrees and offers her opinions

Buy him a brand new car if you're that bothered

But not you apparently 🤣

I’d go “it’s fucking freezing” DH would say “ I know, it’s really bloody cold” and that would be that. I have hypothyroidism and my feet and hands get cold, so I wear thermal socks. Not much DH would be able to do about it.

You aren’t unwell, you are just cold.

YABU what was the point of complaining about it being cold in the car he was trying to heat the car there’s nothing he can do to make that any faster and your comment about the kids was completely unnecessary. It’s you who needs to apologise to him there was absolutely no need for you to say mutiny to him I’m sure he’s very aware of the fact that its cold in his car and I say this as someone who is also ND and feels the cold very easily I would never be rude enough to make comments about someone’s car being cold.

That's ... unfair and incorrect, if the OP has a thyroid issue then yes she is unwell and they can cause real issues with temperature regulation.

I have hypothyroidism and various other things and if I get very cold, I cannot get warm again without an external heat source (so heating on, hot water bottle, electric foot warmer etc) if I just stick on a blanket or jumper, I will be cold inside a blanket or jumper.

If i get really cold it sets off muscle spasms and if that goes on too long or there is something else my body is struggling with, I have a horrible autonomic dysregulation thing where my brain alternates between acting as if I am hypothermic or running a stupidly high temp, either uncontrollably shaking with 'cold' or pouring sweat.

Last time this happened, triggered by getting stupidly cold after a shower whilst on heavy antibiotics, it took 7 days to stop. There is nothing to be done to stop it, the actual fluctuations in temperature are minor (there is fever and chill but nothing medically significant) but the symptoms are really dramatic and seriously disabling.

So yes for some of us, getting too cold (or too hot) is a real issue.

Still doesn't mean banging on and on about it is productive though!

So yes for some of us, getting too cold (or too hot) is a real issue.

I am also one of these people. Which is why, when I go out, I always overdress and have extra layers with me. Because I need to stay warm, as opposed to trying to get warm again once I've got cold.

What I don't do is go out, realise it's colder than I expected and then moan about it. That doesn't make my situation any better. I put on extra layers, or say I need to go home again and get some. That's a constructive way to manage the situation. Repeatedly saying I am cold and extrapolating this to everyone else is not.