DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

@Paradisegained
op has hyper not hypo

from the NHS website www.nhs.uk/conditions/overactive-thyroid-hyperthyroidism/

Symptoms of an overactive thyroid
An overactive thyroid can cause a wide range of symptoms, including:

• nervousness, anxiety and irritability
• mood swings
• difficulty sleeping
• persistent tiredness and weakness
• sensitivity to heat
• swelling in your neck from an enlarged thyroid gland (goitre)
• an irregular and/or unusually fast heart rate (palpitations)
• twitching or trembling
• weight loss

Are you always moaning at him? Also could you not turn the heating on yourself?

The heating is currently broken in my car and I have been taking the kids to school with no problem. No I don't think a spouse should listen without exception, I certainly don't and neither does my husband. Do you moan a lot to him? Maybe this was the final straw in a long list, can you maybe make it up and do something the two of you maybe a meal out, sometimes life gets into a bit of a rutt and its just boring moaning to each other.9

Different people respond to situations differently. Perhaps he thinks he is doing things for you but that's not your perception. His idea of 'being there for you' is clearly different to your idea of 'being there for him.' Doesn't mean either of you are wrong just that you are different. You just cannot reasonably expect another person to behave in the way you would (or think you would.) You will be at risk of being perpetually disappointed otherwise!

All you did was express your opinion that you're feeling cold, and then empathically wonder if your kids also feel cold in the mornings

empathically wonder, heard it all now 🤣

I’m still wondering what the other belittling stuff is

Oooh I’m going to get to pull out a MN hall of fame comment I’ve until this point never actually used!

‘you sound like very hard work OP’ I’m also ND btw and it’s hard not to fixate on things that are actively bothering you or regulate yourself via talking about it….but it’s not an excuse. YWBU

Except in the car, evidently.

Do you often make a bloody big song and dance about something so trivial? No wonder your husband is fed up with it.

If you were that bothered about your children being cold , let your H drive your nice warm car.

You repeatedly mentioned in the car that it was cold despite there being nothing that could be done about it.

It was a huge over reaction on your husband’s part but probably the last straw after long-term repetitive moaning and complaining about unimportant things.

It sounds like it might be a habit on your part to make negative comments, and don’t realise that it can bring others down and be irritating.

Before commenting, try to think if it’s a moan, and if so will the moan actually anything for the better.

It's hard to take so much blunt criticism when you are upset and feel you are not in the wrong. However, you appear to be in a mindset of needing someone else to do something rather than doing something for yourself.

Change this stance to one where you ask yourself whether there is anything you could do rather than automatically thinking that it is your husband who needs to. Try to adopt a disposition of being resourceful and problem solving for yourself. Anticipate problems and do something about them.

You will thrive on being more active on your own behalf and your husband will feel more at ease so you will both enjoy a better balance in your relationship. Try to make up. You could just say something like 'You were upset and I was upset for our own reasons. Let's put it aside now and get on and enjoy Christmas with the children'.

OP he went on a nasty rant at you and then threw everything possible at you. He did this to shut you up. How dare you have a complaint or an opinion as a woman!

This is typical misogynist male behaviour and everyone saying you complained too much are missing the point. You are not the cause of his disproportionate ranting. You are not at fault. He is.

This is something that he most likely cannot change. There will be more ranting in the future. You might be able to complain less to keep the peace but you’ll always be walking on eggshells scared to express yourself.

The question is can you live this way for the rest of your life? I could not.

I am on Day Two of my mum being here for Xmas and given that the mood hoovering litany of everything that could be better (Bed too hard! Dogs too barky! House too cold! Car too low to the ground! TV remote too hard to use! Food too rich! Kettle too complicated!) has me dialled up to "12" I empathise with Mr @Bettib00 - you sound like you whinged a step too far....

Lots of children also walk to school in the cold and survive to tell the tale. A cold car is really not worth causing a row about.

Hey Op you said your DH listed all the things you had complained about that day…… that you said was exaggerated……

sounds like you are not aware of how negative you are. How about keeping a list on your phone to check in

With the kids in the morning being cold for a short journey isn't a massive issue really
Cars just don't heat up quickly

There is no bad weather only bad clothes.

LTB LTB LTB LTB LTB

I dony blame him if you keep nagging about the heat. You know it’s an older car that takes time to heat up, why go on about it?

Your illness has nothing with it you are using it as an excuse. The car would have warmed up eventually or you could have managed for the little while you were driving, and I say that as someone who also has hyperthyroidism

If you are like this all the time then ND or not you sound like hard work and maybe he had had enough.

What did you hope to achieve by complaining to him about something that can’t be helped? Fair enough to comment ‘’ooh, it’s cold in here!’’ as an observational remark, but to repeatedly mention it and then bring the kids up to make him feel bad? What did you want out of it? He’d already turned the heater up. You were complaining for the sake of it. You can always take the kids to school in your car instead 😃

You're correct. In a life or death situation, your husband should be there for you.

This isn't a life or death situation. The car was cold and it would have warmed up soon enough.

What a load of bollocks

Whilst a very high proportion of negative male behaviour is due to misogyny, not everything is. If you've ever lived with someone who constantly complains about everything, you'll know it's akin to a dripping tap, a subtle yet consistent form of almost torture. Its hardly surprising he went on a rant - that was probably the drip that broke the camel's back.