DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

You don't need to articulate every negative thought which comes into your head.

I mean, it's December.....it's cold.......your kids have survived thus far.......not sure what you were hoping to achieve tbh?

Go and apologise to your husband for you being unreasonable.

To be honest, listening to someone complain all the time would absolutely bring me down. No one should have to just listen to that without question and who would want to me around negativity all the time?

Dear me. Sorry OP you sound like an utter nightmare to live with. Stop moaning and take action. Get hand warmers or a hot water bottle to use if you really struggle with cold in the car.

Your kids will be fine. Maybe they should walk to school ,that would warm them up nicely.

Get this - when I was a school kid our car didn't even have a heater! We survived somehow. However my mum was a terrible moaner, always having a whinge about something. It spoiled a lot of things that would have been great fun if she'd cut the moaning.

Well shit, guess my 2014 car is ancient then.

OP take a blanket in his car next time. Put some in there for the children. Have you asked them if they feel cold on the drive to school? Did you thank DH for turning up the heating?

You complained, he turned the heat up. Then you proceeded to complain twice more. What else did you want him to do? Pull the sun closer? Through extra layers of clothes at you?

You're being massively unreasonable.

You’d already mentioned you were cold once, there was no need to keep going on about it. You know the car takes a while to heat up so there wasn’t anything he could do. Being cold is uncomfortable but it’s not dangerous and, assuming you’re in the UK, even when it’s cold it’s rarely at an extreme temperature. It’s not going to do you or the children any harm to sit in a cold car for 10 minutes or so. How do you cope if you have to go outside where there is no heating!?

What's the point in moaning about something he can't control? How boring of you. Keep it in your head. Also so what if it's cold when he drops the kids? They won't freeze. Moaning is unattractive and boring, try not to do it.

Don't use ND as an excuse. Plenty of people who are ND manage not to complain all the time.

The poor husband is probably at the end of his tether with the constant moaning

What do you want him to do about it?

he acknowledged it.
Stop being a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner,

& you don’t want to forgive him? Well maybe he’ll stop asking for it & say feck no pleasing her.

I mean you do know that millions of children walk to school all winter OP? Some of them even in shorts (very common here in Scotland).
I don't think a cold car is going to kill them.
You say you don't want to forgive him so what now then? Divorce? You can't have a happy successful relationship with someone you resent. You'll ruin your children's Christmas with your huff.

If being in his car was that much of an issue then you should have got your car out of the garage

You were belittling him as a pp said and no wonder he was getting pissed off

As pp have said, don't put your car in the garage and then allow it to be blocked in. How ridiculous.

Good lord! You sound SUCH hard work

Stop moaning and whining and be kind

Op, you said in your op that he will apologise but you don't want to accept it.

As you can see from the responses, most people think you were the more at fault.

Has it occurred to you to apologise to him?

If the default here is for him to apologise regardless, if I were his friends, I'd be worried he's in a controlling relationship.

Ugh nothing worse than listening to someone moan and moan all the time. My Mum does this and it completely sucks all the joy from the room (or the car in your case.)

Yes you should be able to talk about your upsets with your other half, but no it is not ok to constantly moan and moan about life to them. It’s would destroying and boring to be on the receiving end.

Sounds like your poor husband has had enough, he’s telling you you moan too much and he’s sick of it.

Poor guy has an old cold car, you have a nicer warmer one. He has to go in that car every day, yet you moan about being cold in it for one day.

We used to walk to school in snow in the 1970s when teachers generally lived locally so schools didn’t shut.

Cold children lol. Dress them for the weather then, it’s bloody winter 🤣

And stop nagging your DH. Poor bloke.

Not wanting to forgive him for a comment is very unreasonable/toxic.

Please don't pass on this poor relationship behaviour to your children.

He can’t do anything about his car not heating up, can he? YABVU.

I hate moaners. My car is 21 years old, you want to see how long that takes to warm up 😅

Yup generally hypo feel cold ... may have had their hyper over treated and gone the other way

Op - Repeatedly moaning is soul destroying to live with especially when can't do anything more to fix it. If you're that bothered about the kids getting cold on the school run you could take them yourself or contribute to a newer car

If I turned the heat up in my car that my husband knows takes ages to heat up, and he then continued to moan about it being cold, I would tell him he’s free to get out and walk if me and my car aren’t suitable for his majesty. Sorry OP I agree YABU.

OP won’t be back as unfortunately the comments haven’t agreed that her DH is an utter bastard who should have better control of the weather and “listen without expectation”

'Crikey, poor you Tom, in here every morning in winter. Are you ok about it? If not, shall we look at our finances and see what we can shuffle to upgrade your car?'

Swap cars with him, then there won’t be an issue