DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

A comment is once.

You are now abusing him by giving him the silent treatment. It's classed as domestic violence Although he's probably enjoying the peace.

You need to stop. He doesn't need to apologise to you.

How very sensible! I like this!

Well...are you a moan? I don't mean to be harsh...I don't know you after all. Do you have to complain about something to him every day?

In my experience, people who moan a lot aren't always aware they are doing it. They think they're making conversation. It just so happens that their conversation includes inconsequential moaning.

It can be draining to the listener.

Is anyone else thinking that a 15 reg car isn’t that old?

The OP and others on here are acting like he’s still driving a Ford Escort from the 90’s!

But you complained three times in a short journey about the same thing. I'd be fed up too!

Sounds like you need to listen to your h: he is fed up by the amount of complaining you do.

Maybe you could pay attention to what you say and count for many sentences are complaints, how many are praise, etc?

What do you expect him to do?. You either swap cars or you drop off the kids instead. It's extremely draining to listen to someone complaining constantly!

You know the car takes longer to heat up so why keep commenting it was cold, he couldn't exactly make it warmer any quicker and he wasn't keeping the car cold on purpose.
YABU

Going forward, you can drive everywhere in your car and do the school run. Problem solved! Or you could buy him a new car for Xmas?

But outside of that, just shut up. Quit whining at him. And don't use emotional manipulation to get your own way. Refusing to speak to him and planning to not 'forgive him'? For what exactly? It should be you asking for forgiveness.

Say you're stuck in traffic. I'd rather be stuck in traffic talking about The Beatles or lemurs or what you're having for tea, than being stuck in traffic listening to the other person moan about how bad it was to be stuck in traffic.

It is rude to comment on things that people can't change, and it's extremely draining for other people to have to listen to complaints and moaning, constant negativity. Even if they're in an annoying situation! Make the effort not to complain.

Considering many children walk to school I don't think a car being slow to heat is an issue. They are going to be vastly warmer than those outside.

What’s the other belittling stuff he does?

Why did you keep saying it's cold when there's nothing he can do about it? Of course he was annoyed

I probably would have ranted at you as well.
I think it's time for a bit of self reflection. Have you got into the habit of moaning and then repeat moaning without realising it. It sounds like your Dh finally had enough!!

It’s cold, it’s December. Stop complaining about it to your poor husband and put some thicker socks on.

Yeah you sound like a pain in the arse. Can’t stand people who complain all the time.

Constant moaning and whinging = nagging in my book and that would get a VERY short shift from me.

> Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

I’m sorry but absolutely not. I’m not saying it’s your case, but sometimes people get so wrapped up in the habit of complaining non stop that they don’t even realise how draining it is to people around them.

I currently live with someone like this and I’m struggling massively with it. Imagine working all day only to come home and listen to someone whine and complain 24/7. No. Get a therapist.

You to sound pretty wingey tbh OP. I can kind of see you husbands point. As someone who lives with a moaner (though probably not as bad as you sound) it can get annoying.

Why has he got the old car? Has he made sacrifices for you and the children so you all have good things and he generally gets the old shite things?

If so no wonder he was pissed off at being unappreciated.

Disclaimer - I too have a condition that makes me cold so I know how awful it is. I layer up in advance. I walked to school as a child (in a skirt as trousers weren't allowed except in snow) and survived. And my car is older than your DH's car. Although I confess it's got heated seats that REALLY work.

You mentioned it too much. Once is fine. More than that will make people think you’re making a hurtful dig at them or their things. Yes it’s cold but what were you expecting him to do?

Maybe you should listen to his frustrated feedback and not moan relentlessly.

You sound like a pain in the bum. You need your meds checking as if your thyroid is under control you shouldn't feel the cold any more than anyone else (I have Hashimoto's so i know what I'm talking about). Your kids presumably don't have underactive thyroids so shouldn't feel the cold like you. I'll be honest this is the first time I've heard someone blame feeling cold on being ND though.

Ihave been in OP position, you ask yourDH how he’s doing and get nothing back, or very little, or as in my case, repetitive stuff that you can’t help or change, just reassure and support. It sounds like a communication breakdown is happening in this marriage, time to seek outside help in learning how to communicate . You should be there for each other to support, reassure and make life better for each other, solve problems together.

"Shouldn't your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation?"

Without exception?

No.

Nobody should.

What were you wanting from him? For him to sympathise and agree it was cold? For him to make it warm enough for you?

Repeatedly complaining about something is not an effective method of communication. You need to say what it is you want.

This is completely not related to your OP, sorry! But I've just started a thread about possibly having a mouse or rat in my loft! And I saw the title of your OP and thought it said "DH having a rat with me".

I'm terrified of the blighters and now I'm seeing rats and mice everywhere, even in your post title!!!!!

Help!!!!!

Be grateful he's having a rant and you haven't got rats!!

🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀