DH having a rant at me

[Bettib00]

My car was in the garage and my parents' car was in front of the garage so we took my husband's car to go shopping.

My husband's car takes a while to heat up, as it's an older car (15 reg), whilst my car heats up quickly.

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning.

He turned up the heat but I mentioned my feet were still cold. He shook his head and went on a nasty rant about how I have to complain about something every day to him, and he didn't want to listen to me anymore. He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I have hyperthyroidism and a whole host of other problems and I an ND. I was really upset at DH comments. We didn't speak yesterday or today. He will apologise but I don't want to forgive him. He is always belittling me and my feelings.
Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

Shouslnt your husband listen, just listen, without exceptation.

What outcome did you want? You wanted to keep telling him you're cold over and over when he's already upped the heating and you both know the car is slow to warm up? And for him to just listen, as you keep on and on?

Whilst in the car I twice mentioned it was cold and I also expressed concern that the car is probably cold when he drops our children off at school in the morning

This isn't reasonable...it's cold in the mornings in winter, it takes a while for most cars to heat up and children play in the cold whilst at school.

At best it's not constructive and at worst it's criticism. f you are not talking to him, instead of apologising then you are stonewalling him.

I think this is on you to fix

A lot of kids walk to school get a grip. It’s December.

“Shouldn’t your husband just listen without expectation”

no, no he shouldn’t. Your husband is not a verbal punch bag. You sound like the most hard work.

I would just forget about it, OP. It is a trivial argument at a time of year that can be stressful.

I have hyperthyroidism too and get cold. You told your husband twice you were cold, he turned up the heating and then you complained that your feet were cold. There was a problem and he tried to fix it and you complained again. Honestly you are being unreasonable on this. Stop moaning.

I miss the old days when you had to build a log fire in the car to take the kids to school... cars took even longer to heat up back then.

Maybe you could offer to take the kids to school in your warmer, newer, better car during the winter?

If this is the biggest issue in your life, how do you manage to live at all? Come on, it's totally trivial and you sound like a pain. All cars heat up eventually unless the heating system is broken (we drove for years in one such car). A bit of cold for a few minutes won't hurt anyone and children, of all people, are the last to notice they're cold.

Did you expect your DH to produce heating from somewhere or to take you in his arms and sob with you over it?

It's December, it's cold, wear more layers if you're worried about the car being cold.

You are the one who needs to apologise!

Ffs it's December and it's cold. Yabvvvu and you owe your dh an apology. Not the other way around.

You being cold is on you. Wear thicker socks, take a blanket if it bothers you that much.

As for the kids on a school run, my dds primary school still makes them do daily mile, play outside and do outdoor learning in winter....the high school makes them do cross country and no coats allowed...your kids will be fine for a short car journey to school.

You need to get a grip.

But you absolutely owe your dh an apology because you were out of order repeatedly complaining.

Honestly it can be quite draining listening to someone complain about something you can't really do anything about.

Similarly you might have made him feel guilty when you bought up the kids being cold in the morning, another thing he can't really fix.

I know it's not idea that he ranted, but maybe he felt like you were ranting at him, sounds like he listened a few times then he also told you what was annoying him.

You get my first ever "you sound like hard work".

He proceed to recounted everything I had complained about that was which was a complete exaggeration.

I'd love to hear his side of this, because I'd bet significant money he doesn't think he was exaggerating one bit.

Sorry OP, but you sound very annoying. Moaning about something your husband has no control over.

Yes I was wondering that?
It might just be a typo but if she does have hyperthyroidism then they might be over treating it, happened to me several times as I seem to react faster than normal to Carbimazole.
Oh and a 15 plate car isn't old in the scheme of things.

What I imagine of OP

I thought the same. Mine is 2009 reg, yes it takes time to warm up so what... all cars do, in my experience.

I have been hypothyroid in the past due to medical treatment so have some idea of feeling the cold more. It doesn't, however, make you bang on and on and on about something, which is what it sounds like you were doing. That would irritate and frustrate anybody and I would definitely have told you to shut up.

He doesn't need to just listen without expectation! Why would you think that? He isn't a doormat and nor should he be.

You complained that the car was cold and he did the only thing that could be done at the time - he turned the heating up. Even though it will take time to come through properly as you already knew. It won't come through any faster if you bang on about it. Did you want him to set fire to the car to make it heat up faster?

There is no concern at all about the kids going to school in a cold car. It is only for a few minutes and won't do them any harm at all. I assume you have sent them out dressed in suitable clothing for colder weather, not in their swimming costumes!

But if you know your husband's car is always cold, takes a while to heat up and you know the cold affects you, why didn't you make a hot water bottle in advance?

This is moaning I would expect from a child OP - my kids might moan about the same thing three times that I cannot fix and I would say do you want me to magic it hotter?!! He can’t get the car to heat up any quicker so why are you complaining?

You stressing that the car is too cold when he takes the children to school is implying that he is a negligent and uncaring father for not noticing or doing something about it. I’m not surprised he found that upsetting, I would too.

Not speaking for two days is immature behaviour by both of you though.

Put more clothes on.

Christmas is a stressful time for a lot of people. Nagging adds to it. Cut him some slack.

This will all come down to tone of voice, and it sounds as though you are whining. What do you expect him to do about your cold feet?

OP you mention you are ND. I strongly suspect DH may be (I know armchair diagnosis is not evidence). However, what I have noticed about him is sometimes he doesn’t filter what he says. It seems to go straight from brain to mouth. He has a thought and he verbalises that thought. It is not intended as a criticism or judgement by him. He is merely saying out loud some of the random thoughts that most of us have but discard without verbalising.

I wonder if that is the case here?

You were verbalising a train of thought but for your DH it sounded like you were criticising his car and his parenting.

Most people do filter what they say, often unconsciously. Sometimes I will consciously ask myself whether what I was planning to say will help the situation or not. If not, I hold back from saying it.

Something that puzzled me about the OP and your post. I thought hyperthyroidism made a person feel hot more easily? I have hypothyroidism and really feel the cold at times.

Eta: I just saw pp about over treating hyperthyroidism. Might be something you and @Bettib00 might want to check out if you feel the cold more than normal.