Silent treatment for Christmas… again

[StyleSiren]

I wasn't enthusiastic about the film DH wanted to watch yesterday evening so he hasn't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Tonight he went into the kitchen and made his own dinner and ate it in the kitchen, then went up to his study. Childishly I retaliated by switching off all the Christmas lights but I am now sitting here crying and steeling myself for another Christmas day in Coventry! I refuse to apologize and I know eventually (after a few days, weeks, months) he will just start behaving as if nothing happened. WWYD in this situation? I don't have family I can go to for Christmas and I don't think any of my friends would appreciate a last minute visitor. I am tempted not to bother putting any of his gifts under the Christmas tree and to go out instead for a long walk and pub lunch (if I can get in anywhere).

He has been doing this for years. a repeat of last Xmas, & doubtlessly multiple times in between.

Oh no random woman on mumsnet thinks I sound shitty, what will I do?!

Come on, OP was obviously being a bit childish about the film. It sounds like neither of them like each other anyway and it’s just coming to a head. I really wish people would use a bit of critical thinking and realise that what an OP posts on here won’t be the gospel truth 🙄

Please PLEASE leave him!!! You deserve so much better. Just because it's not violent doesn't mean it's not abuse!

Playing along and carrying on Christmas as normal just shows him it doesn't matter how he treats you.

totally understand as my parents should have separated and didn’t and I didn’t want my kids to suffer that.

If one of my friends rang me today crying because her partner/husband was being emotionally abusive I'd make up the spare bed, peel a couple more potatoes for tomorrow and tell her to jump in an Uber. I'm pretty sure that most of them would do the same for me. Even if it was one of adults DC's friends in this predicament they would be very welcome.

Get in touch with people. Good friends will be there for you. Return his presents and use the refunds to buy lovely gifts for yourself and/or your hosts.

Then block him until,Christmas is over and you are ready to set your new life in motion.

OP I can feel your pain and I am so sorry. My ex was a master of silent treatment and it was soul destroying. The last new year we were together he did similar, also related to me and the kids not giving our full attention to a film he had chosen for us. He sulked all night and I spent the evening in a state of anxiety trying not to let the kids feel the atmosphere, babbling like a loon to cover their father's silence. He did it on so many occasions for all sorts of reasons (my kindle clicking too loudly and disturbing his sleep, me not putting the wrapping paper back in the right place, me getting the car out of the garage when it was his job, me starting lunch when he said he would do it and didn't). special occasions were worst, birthdays, christmas, holidays, even going to my own aunt's funeral.

A particular low point for me was when I realized I was steering my children away from the sweets they really wanted because I knew their chewing would annoy their father.

It's a life on eggshells and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My ex used to say he was trying and it didn't happen as often, which was true at times but what he didn't appreciate was that for me it was constant. If he wasn't emotionally abusing me I was spending all my time trying not to annoy him. I heard a podcast the other day that it explains the feeling perfectly.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/emotional-abuse-consumption-the-100-impact-of-10-abuse/id1566895530?i=1000680446969

Any kids? If not, just leave.

Which bits of what the OP posted don't sound true to you? None of it sounded particularly unlikely to me. And why is it being "childish" not to like a film that your partner likes? Is it childish not to like every book they read or band they rate too?

Ducks in a row after Xmas then LTB

OP I'm in Coventry, feel free to PM me, I always go overboard with food so have plenty. If you don't feel able to then please ring friends, any decent friend would have you last minute.

What is it exactly that attracts you to this big baby OP? He's obviously not capable of having an adult relationship. It's emotional immaturity. My mum's a sulker, I have no time for it and just enjoy the peace when she doesn't call for ages after some slight. She is also lacking emotional intelligence, I suspect ND.
His behaviour is abusive, I mean in a huff over a fucking film. Tell him to grow the fuck up.
Personally I'd go and book myself into a hotel, preferably with a spa and room service. Somewhere you can go for a nice walk, and maybe have a think about what you want your future to look like.

In my opinion, give him the sack. He's giving you the silent treatment because you didn't want to watch a specific movie? Unless you said something like, 'your movie sounds fucking awful and shit' (which I'm sure you didn't), his behaviour is completely out of line. Sorry you're going through this - I know you say that you don't want to be a burden to your friends, but there's never any harm asking (especially if you know they're having other friends etc over) - you could always bring a dish yourself, some drinks, and games, so you don't feel like a burden or like you're putting them to more trouble.

Take yourself away if you can, and when you're feeling calm, start planning your exit. 👍

I am so sorry. This is abusive behaviour. It is not normal and it is not ok. Time to plan for your future, OP.

Please get yourself out of such relationship. You dont deserve be treated like this.

He's punishing you.

Make plans to leave. He sounds like a bullying shit.

Is this really how you want to spend 2025?

I left my ex husband in the middle of his final lengthy sulk. Strangely enough, also a special Christmas sulk. Silent treatment is abusive. He thinks you'll stay, so he'll always use this tactic until he realises the consequences.

Obviously it’s more about her behaviour than when he was watching the film! Like I said - they clearly don’t like each other.

He's an emotionally abusive bully. He's manipulative and subjects you to controlling behaviour. Don't suffer in silence. Put yourself first from now on and free yourself from this marriage and from his appalling behaviour. File for divorce and take the first steps to a brighter 2025

This! The subsequent behaving as if nothing has happened - i know it well. If an apology had been offered afterwards then we could have discussed it and I could have forgiven it. But usually, after a period of silent treatment, typically extending into days, STBEX would act as if nothing had happened and expect me to snap back into jolly behaviour when it suited him. If i bought up his behaviour at that point it would be twisted back on me and all end up being my fault some how. Urgh, am so pleased to be free of the spell now. I feel sad it's taken me so long, but I wasn't set a good example by my mum and dad unfortunately. Am trying to model clear communication of feelings and anger to my DC now...
Break that spell OP

This is exactly it. In the middle of the latest nearly week-long silent treatment episode (10 years of this and I was never told what I had done ‘wrong’ during any of these, just left to suffer like a ghost in my own home), I finally woke up and realised I was being treated like shit and found my anger and blew up at my exDH and told him I was done being treated like that, and wanted a divorce. He was shocked and said he thought I’d never leave him. Amazing how the silent treatment suddenly vanished and I existed again! Abusive childish bastard. Like some PPs, I too grew up with the silent treatment being used by my father and it messed me up with regard to taking abuse in relationships. I’ll never accept abuse ever again. It’s so important for children not to grow up seeing this behaviour modelled.

These "adult" males ought to be sent to some sort of a "camp" to grow up and start appreciating their partners.
Curious how many would last ...😜

My ex was like that. If I didn't enjoy the things he did, I got ignored for days. Or If I liked something he didn't I got ignored for days. I had to watch so much football and cricket! Oh my days! How boring! Thank goodness my now husband hates sports. Anyway, I'm sorry to tell you this but you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you don't deserve to be made to feel like shit for not sharing an interest. spend the day doing what makes you happy. Ask a friend if you can come over. Chances are, they already know what a prick he is and would be more than happy to have you over to help. Love to you xx

I'd say 'you are ignoring me because I didn't want to watch the same film as you - you are pathetic and this relationship is over'