No present AIBU

[Bleedingheartbleedingnose]

Hello,
I think I know the answer to this but just wanted to see how everyone would approach it.

been with my new partner for a number of months, but this will be our first Christmas together. I am spending it with his family on invitation and very pleased to be.

he’s told me this morning that he hasn’t had chance to get me a proper present and has offered me a voucher to get my nails done instead.

i can’t explain why because he has offered a solution, but i feel strangely hurt by this? He gave me options for what he wanted early in December, and I to him (items such as a scarf, a new chopping board - not expensive options if you get me) but said due to being busy at work he’s not had chance to look or order. I also said something like flowers would never be unappreciated so not short of options.

ive sorted his present plus other things I know he will like after listening to what he needs and wants. And I’ve been with him as he’s bought presents for friends etc.

On the whole he’s lovely but I have noticed these sometimes selfish moments. I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that doesn’t look selfish or grabby - it’s not the material gift but the thought. But he has offered the nail solution (I get them done every month) so I can’t tell if actually AIBU?

Hope he has taken the hint and it’s not a boots gift set. Happy Christmas!

Is there a reason you are going to his family instead of your own?

I would be concerned that you are vulnerable to having a low relationship bar if you don't have family.

It is a familiar theme on MN.
Selfishness and thoughtlessness is never something to over look.

The fact he gave you a list and yet can't be arsed himself is a red flag IMO.

Hopefully he's taken your hints - seems woe betide him if he hasn't got you a 'suitable' gift. The 'expectations' over xmas are too much for some people, myself included, and a few like me just want to get through the 'festive' season intact.

I'm not the 'grinch' but honestly the whole ordeal can seem like a consumerist frenzy appeasing people many would rather not. It was fun creating the magic for ds when he was young but now he's caught up to fully grown adult stage we both have a choice in how far we take it.

I still do him his Stocking, with chocolate money and a little car in, and we have a sleepy laugh as I pretend to be Santa - but really, not everyone is in to the whole thing.

Hopefully the gifts you're giving to his parents meet their expectations too, as they've kindly invited you to their Christmas Day.

The issue was that he hadn't got her any gift, after requesting something expensive from her. And I'm sure OP has gone to great efforts to hopefully give thoughtful gifts, seeing as she's been considerate enough to make an effort for her boyfriend.

I’m going to his because I was invited, have a close and loving family of my own

OP, I do feel for your. I think your first year spending Christmas together is important and he should have been thinking of you. I wouldn't push him (obviously it's too late for that now anyway), but see how tomorrow goes and you can get a better sense of how he is with his family. Maybe material things just aren't their priority, but spending quality time and having fun together are.

But at the same time you need to let him know you are disappointed if he just gets you a token gift without any thought. Best wishes for tomorrow and I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Hopefully the gifts you're giving to his parents meet their expectations too, as they've kindly invited you to their Christmas Day.

A token bottle of nice wine or some chocolates is fine. Nobody's parents expect an individually tailored present from their son's newish girlfriend. I don't buy my own separate gifts for MiL and FiL!

You wake up your adult son pretending to be Santa for a sleepy laugh?

Hopefully the gifts you're giving to his parents meet their expectations too, as they've kindly invited you to their Christmas Day.

Why are you placing more expectations on OP than you place on her boyfriend?

They’re not. The expectations are exactly the same.

They’re not though. She’s simultaneously telling OP that OP’s placing too much importance on presents and at the same time telling OP she needs to get gifts for his parents that meet their expectations because they’ve kindly invited her for Christmas.

he got me a lovely jacket and had he not mentioned the fact he wasn’t getting me something two days before I would have thought it was a genuinely well thought out gift. Wish he’d kept his mouth shut!

thanks all x

Ah that's lovely! Glad it worked out

Maybe he had it all along and was winding you up?

Did it though. I may have be misreading but I thought he bought it at op’s prompting

Did he dash off shopping once you arrived at his parents on Monday or did he go shopping on Christmas Eve

or was it packed and he had indeed already bought it ?

Doesn’t matter, reading too far into this stuff is what will make you go mad. I said I definitely didn’t want a voucher and I didn’t get one - so fine by me, happy Xmas all

Brilliant @Bleedingheartbleedingnose, glad you got something you loved. You've let him know what your expectations are around gift giving and making an effort, and he delivered! It's early days so it's fair enough, and he stepped up when you let him know you would've been disappointed. Maybe he had planned to give it to you all along but you'll never know either way and it really doesn't matter.

All the best for 2025!