No present AIBU

[Bleedingheartbleedingnose]

Hello,
I think I know the answer to this but just wanted to see how everyone would approach it.

been with my new partner for a number of months, but this will be our first Christmas together. I am spending it with his family on invitation and very pleased to be.

he’s told me this morning that he hasn’t had chance to get me a proper present and has offered me a voucher to get my nails done instead.

i can’t explain why because he has offered a solution, but i feel strangely hurt by this? He gave me options for what he wanted early in December, and I to him (items such as a scarf, a new chopping board - not expensive options if you get me) but said due to being busy at work he’s not had chance to look or order. I also said something like flowers would never be unappreciated so not short of options.

ive sorted his present plus other things I know he will like after listening to what he needs and wants. And I’ve been with him as he’s bought presents for friends etc.

On the whole he’s lovely but I have noticed these sometimes selfish moments. I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that doesn’t look selfish or grabby - it’s not the material gift but the thought. But he has offered the nail solution (I get them done every month) so I can’t tell if actually AIBU?

Not a present person means “I can’t be arsed using my time to think of others”

I would still give them, as gift-giving is as important to me as receiving. He missed the mark, but I can still have my pleasure in giving the gift.

Yes you will be one lf these women posting here saying DH forgot their birthday, didn’t even get a card etc because if he is busy now how busy will he be once you are married w kids and he has to make even less effort (and right now he made nearly no effort)

If you genuinely like him and want to keep the relationship going then I would say something like -
"Right.... we've learned you are crap at gifts. Get your shoes on we are going to [shop you like] right now and you are getting me a gift. I will tell you what I would like and you pay for it".

Yes that’s a good message.

I think it would just set a precedent where he thinks he can half arse his girlfriend’s presents every year.

💯💯💯

Op if he bought others boots gifts sets but recognised this wasn't good enough for you as his partner and offered you a voucher for your nails which he knows you like, then i think this gives a positive message rather then a negative one. That said i am on your side with this this, he wil have all these gifts to open and you won't.. which isn't nice and what's the expensive gift you got him? Does this match the nails ? I would hang back on the other gifts and just give him one thing and see how things go. This alone isn't a give away to his true self , yes some ppl (not just men) are oblivious about this stuff but I think you need to see how this plays out before you decide. Especially if he ends up surprising you...

He hasn’t even bought the nail voucher, he’s offered it. I bet he doesn’t buy it.

Return everything , spend the money on yourself and give him a voucher to get his nails done

Most Boots stores sell perfume. Takes 5 minutes.
Back in the day when we actually had to go into stores to buy gifts, now you can do it with the click of a button.
As for men who don’t have a clue, most of them
have female relatives/friends/colleagues.
I used to work in JL as a student back in the day, always spent Christmas flogging perfume. Men would literally walk in all Christmas Eve, with cash and no clue, and all you’d have to do is ask a few questions and leave it to the staff.
Now the person might not get exactly what they wanted, but a lovely bottle of Chanel No 5 goes down well most of the time.
If this is what he’s like now, I wouldn’t bother. I wouldn’t hand over anything either.
No regard for your feelings and absolutely selfish.

First post nails it.
If he can’t be arsed clucking Amazon for 5 minutes…….
Dump.

He's started taking you for granted already. It might mean he's comfortable with you, and you get along well. But...

If it were me, I'd return his presents and end the relationship - but I gave up giving men more than one chance about a decade ago (and can confirm my life is much happier for it! 😂).

Possibly. His reaction when she has the conversation with him should be enough to give her clues whether that will be the case or not.

Clicking even.

The year I met my husband he still managed to get me a small gift and we hadn't met until the 13th December. We weren't even official at Christmas.

His excuse is not good enough and if I were you I would have to tell me him how it's made you feel.

Don't say oh its fine then quietly seethe. Let him know exactly how you feel, that youve made an effort and you expect the same care from him. He has 2 days to sort his shit out. I mean, he has a list, how card can it be to nip into the shops? Lazy and selfish

I would say, like others before me, that a lack of thought when it comes to a Christmas gift, or birthday gift, or gift of any kind, tends to reflect a lack of thought full stop.

I spent years with my exH and my gifts were spectacularly poor. Usually cheap, rarely wrapped and often a last-minute purchase with little to no care. How did he treat me? Pretty much the same - no time or consideration for my feelings or what I may want or need from the relationship, and eventually, I could see it. I've been married to my DH now for close to 20 years and his attitude to gifts reflects his attitude to me which involve an investment in time, thought, care and consideration.

We make time for the things we want to. I'm sure he's had time in the past month or so to watch a movie, cook a meal, order a takeaway, play a game, meet up with a friend, have a meal out, enjoy a drink or just spend an evening scrolling...? That time could have been spent online, looking at ideas for you to make you smile at Christmas. Unless this is a way to surprise you on Christmas Day, if he hasn't put that effort in, that's because he's chosen not to. It's up to you whether you chose to accept it, and the fact that you're on here asking the question means you already know the answer.

You're worth more.

He's happy enough to ask for big presents though. And happy enough to buy presents for friends and presumably for family too. So as far as we can tell, OP is the only one who's being fobbed off. That speaks volumes about where she is on his list of priorities. You don't expect big expensive presents from others and then avoid reciprocating, unless you're a CF or extremely self-centred.

😁- so true! It is only the gift giving that he has a challenge with, not the receiving.

How ironic

I hear you but I'm hoping he gets it together on the day... let's see 🤦‍♀️

He can still get you a scarf and a chopping board even with only two days to go. I’d mention it and tell him you would still
appreciate that.

If he makes excuses I would seriously get a refund on the presents you have got him.

He's not a partner- he's a boyfriend. You've made the relationship way more than it should be at this stage. You hardly know him. Don't move in with him as this won't get better just worse.

Busy at / with work - there are 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week.
Everyone has known for months when Christmas is, it falls on the same date every year.

Late night shopping and online shopping...