To go nuclear on my DB and SIL

301 replies

Upsetorjustpregnant · 23/12/2024 08:56

Aghhh!!! Where do I start???
My two brothers and their families are home from abroad for Christmas for the first time in about 15 years. I live 10 minutes from my parents. We were all excited and had plans made. My Mum in particular was very excited. She was stressed too at the thought of having them all there with 7 extra people
in the house (in particular said SIL, as she can be tough work to have around constantly….just different views etc).
This brother and SIL and their kids landed late Saturday night and announced yesterday that they’re actually going away for the few days over Christmas.
My Mum text me last night to say they wouldn’t be around for our Christmas Eve dinner, which I was hosting for everyone. She’s very upset. As am I. I was awake all night thinking of it. I haven’t actually seen them yet as they landed late Saturday night, and we were at a party for my husband’s family yesterday. I’ll be going to my parents house in the next hour or so and feel like letting loose at my DB and SIL.
my SIL doesn’t celebrate Christmas which we respect, bar the presents and the food we don’t celebrate the religious side of it.
Like why come home at Christmas time and then not sit through a bloody family dinner. And make a point of it by booking time away two nights after they land?!!?!?!?

OP posts:

Grammarnut · 29/12/2024 17:45

Upsetorjustpregnant · 23/12/2024 17:06

This is going to be my final post as it’s been an upsetting day and I’m tired. I want to enjoy my own build up with my own kids.
I’m just back from my parents and my brother and his family were gone for their few nights away.
My parents said that my brother wanted to be at here for Christmas and stay. My SIL booked this last week/ few weeks ago and was going to text my mother but my brother said not to as it was only going to make it a bigger thing than it was. I think he naively thought he’d convince her to stay. My SIL said that there were some things she would not budge on and would not stay over the Christmas period. So now they’re spending a few days in an AirBnB down the road somewhere.
As other posters have said she doesn’t have to celebrate Christmas or anything like that. Had they come at the end of the week nothing would have been said and there’d be no upset.
I know I said she can be tough work but we don’t have a strained relationship. She speaks regularly to my parents; pictures are regularly sent of each others kids and nice times are had when they’re home. She’s tough work in the way that she could leave the kids breakfast bowls out all day and my Mum has to clean up, she’ll invite her friends out to my parents house and then proceed to spend all day at the kitchen table drinking tea with her friends so my own parents can’t even eat their own lunch. That type of thing.
It’s the last minute nature of it all. And that’s on both my brother and SIL. When chatting to my parents, we are convinced it’s an abusive relationship with strong elements of coercive control. They’re very worried about my brother. Absolutely he should have given my mother a heads up. But he really tried to come home and be at home for Christmas.
It’s cruel to do it this way and is a power move. He was always going to stay with his wife and kids.
There were so many other ways to do it. All we were wanting was a family dinner. Yeah we can do it some other day, the date itself was never the hang up. It’s the total lack of respect for us. Whatever way you cut it or try to see it from her way, she wanted to do what she wanted to do and screw everyone else.

Tough work? She sounds abominably rude. Who asks friends to someone else's home and then hogs the kitchen all day? Or leaves washing up for others to do! Ok, so it's her in-laws' home, but it's still not her home, so she shouldn't be doing those things.

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