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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

761 replies

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:03

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 31/12/2024 22:05

the SIL claimed the OP boxed her up and she I now sat not he mantle piece

DearAzureExpert · 01/01/2025 14:48

Please come back OP, so many of us are invested. Was there a Xmas showdown over the leftover roast potatoes, did she lay claim to your pressies like a toddler, was she told Noooo paws off? Please tell us, am checking daily

JessicaRabbit6 · 01/01/2025 21:12

SnoopysHoose · 31/12/2024 22:01

700+ comments and OP hasn't returned

SIL clearly stole the phone 😂

Suec254 · 02/01/2025 01:14

I would have to phone her and tell her to stop doing those things, it's not ok. The hostess gets to keep the leftovers and may give some away only if she so chooses, and only to those who contributed to the food. I once had my niece come to my daughter's 21st birthday party, and looking at the buffet said "oh those would be great for my lunch at work tomorrow. Have you got a food container I can use?". I was gobsmacked and momentarily speechless. She had not contributed to the food in any way. So it was a "no" from me. The food at parties and family events is not free at all, and we put many hours into the cooking and/or pay for some catered food.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 02/01/2025 15:43
  1. I know what happened at the Eastenders wedding
  2. In a few short weeks I will know who has won The Traitors
  3. I will still not know what the SIL did and said. And I am not okay. It’s nearly as bad as when the BBC cancelled Eldorado. Nearly.
MizzT · 03/01/2025 11:16

Uh, what? I’m a little wary of the thread now. They were all described as middle class families but she has no smart phone? And SIL claimed her only computer but she didn’t say no, and nobody else said anything? Because that is outrageous and everyone there would know it. Plus there is a reply here to say this? I haven’t seen this reply but… no

OhBuggerandArse · 03/01/2025 11:29

MizzT · 03/01/2025 11:16

Uh, what? I’m a little wary of the thread now. They were all described as middle class families but she has no smart phone? And SIL claimed her only computer but she didn’t say no, and nobody else said anything? Because that is outrageous and everyone there would know it. Plus there is a reply here to say this? I haven’t seen this reply but… no

Over My Head Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

Erm...

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 11:30

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 02/01/2025 15:43

  1. I know what happened at the Eastenders wedding
  2. In a few short weeks I will know who has won The Traitors
  3. I will still not know what the SIL did and said. And I am not okay. It’s nearly as bad as when the BBC cancelled Eldorado. Nearly.

Eldorado is only gone in dreams.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/01/2025 12:16

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 11:30

Eldorado is only gone in dreams.

Marcoooos Tandy. The ultimate bad boy 😂

Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2025 12:19

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 11:30

Eldorado is only gone in dreams.

It will never be gone in my dreams
And Marcus was saved by the love of a good woman (Pilar), like all bad boys can be (we wish)

Anyotherdude · 03/01/2025 12:29

Her present should be a book of etiquette and manners!

BrightonFrock · 03/01/2025 12:35

Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2025 12:19

It will never be gone in my dreams
And Marcus was saved by the love of a good woman (Pilar), like all bad boys can be (we wish)

But did Roberto and Ingrid ever start a full blown affair? And if so, did he ever tell her that she shouldn’t feel bad about sleeping with her dead husband’s father because he was a closet case anyway?

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 12:45

Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2025 12:19

It will never be gone in my dreams
And Marcus was saved by the love of a good woman (Pilar), like all bad boys can be (we wish)

If memory serves, didn't Marcus 🔥 some inconvenient personage in his car in the last episode?

Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2025 12:47

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2025 12:45

If memory serves, didn't Marcus 🔥 some inconvenient personage in his car in the last episode?

Pilar left him and he reverted to type.
She almost saved him but couldn't and he got worse once he no longer had her love

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/01/2025 14:20

To all above Eldorado posters you have made my day.
Apologies to everyone looking for the OP.
However, just like that sunny place on the Costa del Sol, it seems a return is not happening.
(I did see the actress who played Polly in Marbella itself 24 years ago and was so excited. Sadly, no selfies in those days so I didn’t crash her table. Wish I had now!)

JaneFrances · 03/01/2025 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrowleyKitten · 12/01/2025 17:43

Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2025 12:19

It will never be gone in my dreams
And Marcus was saved by the love of a good woman (Pilar), like all bad boys can be (we wish)

there's probably fanfic out there. there's fanfic of pretty much everything.
there is smutty thomas the tank engine fic and everything 😂

custardcreme77 · 13/01/2025 05:33

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 02/01/2025 15:43

  1. I know what happened at the Eastenders wedding
  2. In a few short weeks I will know who has won The Traitors
  3. I will still not know what the SIL did and said. And I am not okay. It’s nearly as bad as when the BBC cancelled Eldorado. Nearly.

I loved Eldorado, I really did. I enjoyed every episode and it fed into my dream of one day moving to Spain. I was gutted when it was cancelled.

I suppose that makes me a bit of a saddo 😢

SerafinasGoose · 13/01/2025 09:51

CrowleyKitten · 12/01/2025 17:43

there's probably fanfic out there. there's fanfic of pretty much everything.
there is smutty thomas the tank engine fic and everything 😂

It's funny you should say this about fan fic and Thomas. I was doing a bit of reading into Thomas Andrews, the designer of Titanic - who, it's come to light, has some interesting links with an author I am researching. One of the things that came up was a whole canon of smutty, semi-pornographic fan fic about him. Ofc I fell down the rabbit hole and spent about 3 hours reading on my device, agog. It was mostly terrible!-but somehow compelling.

The mention of Eldorado lifted my day! It was so excruciatingly bad it was hilarious and I wouldn't have missed it for worlds. Speaking of which, I'm old enough to remember another notoriously awful old BBC soap Triangle, about all the drama, glamour and titillation of ...... a North Sea ferry. Cue lots of footage of a ship sailing into dock. The excitement!

They axed it because of the relentless ridicule by reviewers, but its malign influence didn't end there because it spawned a second abysmal sea-faring 80s soap called Howards Way - about a set of yachting businesses on the south coast. Whoever thought a lengthy spiel about board meetings and shares would make for an endlessly fascinating drama?

Me neither 😂

Jinkslinger · 13/01/2025 12:20

Loved Howard’s way which I think was earlier than Eldorado. Saw some repeats and couldn’t believe the clothes were thought so stylish. It was filmed near where I grew up an most journeys on screen caused amusement because they would turn a corner and be twenty miles from previous shot

BrightonFrock · 13/01/2025 12:39

Speaking of which, I'm old enough to remember another notoriously awful old BBC soap Triangle, about all the drama, glamour and titillation of ...... a North Sea ferry. Cue lots of footage of a ship sailing into dock. The excitement!

With Kate O’Mara going topless on deck! 😆 The poor cow must have been freezing!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 13/01/2025 13:31

BrightonFrock · 13/01/2025 12:39

Speaking of which, I'm old enough to remember another notoriously awful old BBC soap Triangle, about all the drama, glamour and titillation of ...... a North Sea ferry. Cue lots of footage of a ship sailing into dock. The excitement!

With Kate O’Mara going topless on deck! 😆 The poor cow must have been freezing!

I can’t think of a lower point in TV and that includes the dodgy sitcoms like Terry and June, which was just dire.
I served Kate when I worked in John Lewis as a student in the late 80’s. The lipliner was nut brown. As was she. Fabulous voice though! She’d been in Dynasty by then so I asked her all about it, and got a telling off for it.

Hoppinggreen · 13/01/2025 13:33

custardcreme77 · 13/01/2025 05:33

I loved Eldorado, I really did. I enjoyed every episode and it fed into my dream of one day moving to Spain. I was gutted when it was cancelled.

I suppose that makes me a bit of a saddo 😢

You and me both mate

Hoppinggreen · 13/01/2025 13:35

Jinkslinger · 13/01/2025 12:20

Loved Howard’s way which I think was earlier than Eldorado. Saw some repeats and couldn’t believe the clothes were thought so stylish. It was filmed near where I grew up an most journeys on screen caused amusement because they would turn a corner and be twenty miles from previous shot

The theme tune for Howards way is now stuck in my head, I think some soap star or similar released a version with lyrics called "Always There". It went
"AAAAAlwyas there, your love is aaaalways there da da da da da da da da da de daaaaaaaaa"
Why can I remember that but not where I out my glasses 10 minutes ago?

Biscuitmonster2318 · 13/01/2025 15:36

Have been completely invested in this and now no updates