Page 26 | To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

Addyview · 2024-12-23T04:03:35+00:00

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge. My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her. Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day. She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest. I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

WheresThe · 26/12/2024 16:20

Maybe grabby SIL bought the OP (size 14) an amazing cashmere sweater in size 8 (her size) and instantly tried to swipe it when OP unwrapped it. It was last straw for OP and both her and SIL ended up in A+E where they are still waiting to be seen. OP has run out of phone charge.

PifandHercule · 26/12/2024 16:29

Please give an update and tell us how it went.

Deeperthantheocean · 26/12/2024 17:51

You are donating leftovers to a charity nearby the day after...

MarvellousMonsters · 26/12/2024 17:59

Addyview · 23/12/2024 09:51

I think I've read everyone's replies so I'll answer you all here now I've woke back up. My reason for being awake so late is specifically down to SIL and the dread of her.

She's late 20s and grew up in a middle class family, no struggles but her parents are also pretty tight, nowhere near her level and her mum hates her own daughters behaviour from what I've seen.
In the past I have let her take food home because it was awkward to say no. I stopped inviting her round for coffee and a catch up because if I offered her a biscuit or a sandwich she'd ask for extra to take home and it was weird.
On Christmas I try to laugh it off and just say no when she asks for presents but it just goes further where she will then say its not my sort of thing and she'd get more out of it, I did get a little firmer by the end of the day last year but it didn't seem to deter her any. DH ate as much as he could when she asked people to not eat all of something she wanted so he could prove a point but again she would just push further.
Saying a firm no to this woman likely wouldn't do much and hasn't worked in the past. My other SIL called her a scrounger to her face once and she got upset but carried on once BIL argued back. I do think BIL doesn't see she cries a lot of crocodile tears so she doesn't have to stop this behaviour.
I don't think she has MH issues but I'm not a professional. She just gets a kick out of saving money, I've seen her stand and haggle in a charity shop, to me she has no shame in her.

I should have said no to them coming but I really like people coming. I'm NC with my own family and only my manager and his wife come that are my guests, the rest are DH family and friends.
I think today will be an awkward phone call to BIL to let him know it's either got to be addressed and her told no or they can't come. I know it's last minute to do this but the anxiety I get from the tension on Christmas day isn't worth all this.

How did you get on?

daleylama · 26/12/2024 19:28

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This story? A try on? Seriously?

dementedmummy · 26/12/2024 23:45

Addyview · 23/12/2024 09:51

I think I've read everyone's replies so I'll answer you all here now I've woke back up. My reason for being awake so late is specifically down to SIL and the dread of her.

She's late 20s and grew up in a middle class family, no struggles but her parents are also pretty tight, nowhere near her level and her mum hates her own daughters behaviour from what I've seen.
In the past I have let her take food home because it was awkward to say no. I stopped inviting her round for coffee and a catch up because if I offered her a biscuit or a sandwich she'd ask for extra to take home and it was weird.
On Christmas I try to laugh it off and just say no when she asks for presents but it just goes further where she will then say its not my sort of thing and she'd get more out of it, I did get a little firmer by the end of the day last year but it didn't seem to deter her any. DH ate as much as he could when she asked people to not eat all of something she wanted so he could prove a point but again she would just push further.
Saying a firm no to this woman likely wouldn't do much and hasn't worked in the past. My other SIL called her a scrounger to her face once and she got upset but carried on once BIL argued back. I do think BIL doesn't see she cries a lot of crocodile tears so she doesn't have to stop this behaviour.
I don't think she has MH issues but I'm not a professional. She just gets a kick out of saving money, I've seen her stand and haggle in a charity shop, to me she has no shame in her.

I should have said no to them coming but I really like people coming. I'm NC with my own family and only my manager and his wife come that are my guests, the rest are DH family and friends.
I think today will be an awkward phone call to BIL to let him know it's either got to be addressed and her told no or they can't come. I know it's last minute to do this but the anxiety I get from the tension on Christmas day isn't worth all this.

From a purely nosey stranger on the Internet, how did you get on with SIL on Christmas day?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/12/2024 23:47

real housewives of new york city wtf GIF

Where’s OP now?

BrightonFrock · 27/12/2024 00:18

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/12/2024 23:47

Where’s OP now?

Her SIL packed her into a Tupperware and took her home.

FaintingAardvark73 · 27/12/2024 00:33

@Addyview Hope your day wasn’t too stressful and you got to enjoy it!

GCAcademic · 27/12/2024 01:09

The SIL must have taken all the OP's devices. And her router.

Fraaances · 27/12/2024 08:47

And her arms?

pebbles8811 · 27/12/2024 13:22

@Addyview We need an update on what happened Xmas day please

Mikki77 · 27/12/2024 13:29

How was Christmas?
Hope your SIL didn't spoil it.
Have a lovely new year.

Nantescalling · 27/12/2024 16:23

n updatewould be nice after 26 pages of comments !

OneTC · 27/12/2024 16:26

useitorlose · 23/12/2024 05:01

'No' is a complete sentence in this situation.

Oi gannet, NO

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 27/12/2024 16:48

I think OP's SIL has eaten her...

Donsyb · 27/12/2024 16:56

Addyview · 23/12/2024 04:22

It's been playing on my mind since DH asked his brother over again this Christmas last month.
Her behaviour is strange but it's more that she's made it her personality now. She will gladly sit and brag that she gets all she can for free out of life and doesn't like paying for things. Whenever we've approached it in the past like when we told her we didn't like that she refused to pay her share on a family meal out she basically told us she would rather we didn't invite her than expect her to fork out any money for things she's not interested in.

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Well there’s your answer - stop inviting her. And when she asks why say she asked you not to!

MsNeis · 27/12/2024 17:26

dementedmummy · 26/12/2024 23:45

From a purely nosey stranger on the Internet, how did you get on with SIL on Christmas day?

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Same here 👀

GrapefruitFrog · 27/12/2024 19:47

WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED???

JessicaRabbit6 · 28/12/2024 14:02

Addyview · 23/12/2024 09:51

I think I've read everyone's replies so I'll answer you all here now I've woke back up. My reason for being awake so late is specifically down to SIL and the dread of her.

She's late 20s and grew up in a middle class family, no struggles but her parents are also pretty tight, nowhere near her level and her mum hates her own daughters behaviour from what I've seen.
In the past I have let her take food home because it was awkward to say no. I stopped inviting her round for coffee and a catch up because if I offered her a biscuit or a sandwich she'd ask for extra to take home and it was weird.
On Christmas I try to laugh it off and just say no when she asks for presents but it just goes further where she will then say its not my sort of thing and she'd get more out of it, I did get a little firmer by the end of the day last year but it didn't seem to deter her any. DH ate as much as he could when she asked people to not eat all of something she wanted so he could prove a point but again she would just push further.
Saying a firm no to this woman likely wouldn't do much and hasn't worked in the past. My other SIL called her a scrounger to her face once and she got upset but carried on once BIL argued back. I do think BIL doesn't see she cries a lot of crocodile tears so she doesn't have to stop this behaviour.
I don't think she has MH issues but I'm not a professional. She just gets a kick out of saving money, I've seen her stand and haggle in a charity shop, to me she has no shame in her.

I should have said no to them coming but I really like people coming. I'm NC with my own family and only my manager and his wife come that are my guests, the rest are DH family and friends.
I think today will be an awkward phone call to BIL to let him know it's either got to be addressed and her told no or they can't come. I know it's last minute to do this but the anxiety I get from the tension on Christmas day isn't worth all this.

How did the day go @Addyview

VintageMan · 28/12/2024 17:40

I wouldn't suggest making a joke of it as it belittles her and she will likely make you feel bad for offending HER. I would suggest reflecting on the situation and how her asking thus all the time makes you feel bad as you do not know how to reply. You can add that it is hard to know when she is being serious or not. This will give her an off ramp to say that it was she that was joking. There is a risk that she will double down and say that she is serious and wants all this.if this occurs just ask her why such a successful person needs this, ask her to help you understand why. It will force the discussion that is needed.

RampantIvy · 28/12/2024 17:45

VintageMan · 28/12/2024 17:40

I wouldn't suggest making a joke of it as it belittles her and she will likely make you feel bad for offending HER. I would suggest reflecting on the situation and how her asking thus all the time makes you feel bad as you do not know how to reply. You can add that it is hard to know when she is being serious or not. This will give her an off ramp to say that it was she that was joking. There is a risk that she will double down and say that she is serious and wants all this.if this occurs just ask her why such a successful person needs this, ask her to help you understand why. It will force the discussion that is needed.

Christmas day was three days ago

Finch88 · 28/12/2024 17:47

Is there any update @Addyview ?

I hope it went as well as it could and that Christmas was kind.

LizzieBennetsSister · 28/12/2024 17:59

You can simply say No to every request The requests are so outrageous and bizarre that you could say No with a laugh in your voice, as if to say "As if". But I wouldn't be inviting her again after this year.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 28/12/2024 18:19

BrightonFrock · 27/12/2024 00:18

Her SIL packed her into a Tupperware and took her home.

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣