To Tell SIL To Stop Claiming Things?

[Addyview]

I've been with DH a very long time and we have a child together, I get on well with his brother but his brothers wife is another story. She's nice enough most of the time but makes a lot of situations very awkward because of how tight she is. Whenever she comes round if I offer her something to eat she says things like "Yes, can you also wrap some up for me to take home" no matter what it is! There's a million examples I can give but she basically won't pay for anything and is always on the scrounge.
My husbands brother earns a lot of money and so does his wife so its not like they ever struggle, BIL says its just who she is and does try to stop her.
Anyway on Christmas they're coming for dinner but last year was so uncomfortable because she basically laid claim to everything she saw. Every present she saw me open she was asking if she could have it if I didn't like it or when I was fed up of it, she was pointing at things on the dinner table saying she'd take the leftovers home and telling other guests to not eat it all! It really got on my nerves by the end of the day.
She's coming this year and me and DH are both in agreement that we need to say she can't behave like that because it makes everyone else awkward but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. I'm half tempted to just cancel BIL and his wife altogether if I'm honest.
I'm several years into this womans impolite behaviour and it's casting a bit of a dark cloud over Christmas because I'm dreading her making everyone else feel uncomfortable when she starts! So to me my two options are ring her in the morning and tell her to not behave that way or uninvite them both and tell BIL why. I simply cannot have another Christmas day like last years.

Baby. Can’t answer for anyone else.

Thailand!

I have a list of things to do today and instead of getting a good nights rest I am running through them in my mind. Menopause sucks.

Do they contribute towards anything when they come? Why invite them? Why give in to her demands?

Baby! On my 3rd feed since 3am

Also bugger what BIL said “but BIL has asked us to leave it alone and just ignore her because she gets embarrassed. ”

Why does her getting embarrassed trump your feelings especially if you are hosting … tell BIL either you say something to her or we will!!

Do you ever go to their house?

I definitely agree you need to talk to her before she comes - explain it made you really uncomfortable when she asked if she could have your presents and when she told other guests they couldn’t eat as much as they wanted. You just wanted to get in touch to let her know you really can’t have either of those things take place at Christmas this year. Thank her in advance for understanding. She either gets embarrassed and doesn’t come or she comes and if she starts you ask her to help you in the other room and remind her/ agree that DH will challenge her since he invited her?

Make It clear if she behaves like she has this will be the last invite from you. Refuse to give her anything.

Thinking of how to smuggle the presents into the house and wrap them before DC wake up.
Also trying to encourage myself to get out of bed.

☝️

I would answer no to all requests.

If you don't like present etc - no, you can't have it. If I grow tired of it I will give it to a charity of my choosing.

Everytime she asks to take home food - No, we'll be keeping it for lunches.

Say no every single time. Don't apologise, just No.

If you want to get really blunt "stop scrounging because it's pissing me off" - might not foster good relationships in the future though...

Chronic insomnia, my body has decided sleep is for the weak! Actually been up since 4am.
Is it possible SIL has some kind of mental health problem? Surely people are taught very early on in childhood not to behave like this so it seems odd that she is so persistent as an adult.

The only thing that will sort this is to withdraw the invite (and draw a huge sigh of relief).

They know you find her behaviour freakishly awful so must be amazed they have been invited again.

The only thing that will bring you mental peace and stop her doing it, is if the invites dry up.

Put yourself and your other guests ahead of this awful woman.

I haven’t voted in this purely because I’m 50:50. I’m totally with you in regards to that behaviour being irritating and rude. But not in the uninviting. I don’t think you can get to 23rd December and I invite them. I think I’d say a firm no to her face and bite back and see if that works. Tell her you want Boxing Day leftovers from the food you’ve paid for

That’s astonishingly rude and how awkward for the rest of you. I agree with others and suggest texting in advance to let them know they won’t be getting any leftovers so will need to go shopping for food for Boxing Day, they can’t rely on you this year.

I’d be tempted to wrap a book on manners and joke she won’t want that one when you unwrap it.

Good luck and merry Christmas!

And I’m up because the dog woofed as he was cold. I’m now shivering downstairs and he’s snug under a blanket

Insomnia. Giving up on sleep now

I’m up because I have crippling gut ache from being glutened yesterday (coeliac) but thanks for this thread for the two outstanding remarks:

Are your ears painted on and
Are you a seagull

😊

And yes agree with all other pps.

Merry Christmas 🎄

Could you maybe respond to everything she asks with “How bloody rude. No.” Until she gets the idea?

i definitely think there’s something else going on maybe health wise and BIL is covering it up. I just can’t imagine someone well going on like that!

DP is snoring like beast and I can’t sleep!

Food shop 🤣
2 days to go until Christmas and I will gladly get up at the arse crack of dawn to buy my essentials rather than face the hoards of Christmas shoppers,

OP, I would do one of two things myself-

1. Tell her how bloody annoying she is, it’s fair enough if she wants to try and get freebies legitimately from big companies etc, but you dont scrounge from families. She has her fair share (I.e what you choose to give her) and she shuts the fuck up. I’d tell her she’s rude, irritating, tighter than a badgers arse and making herself extremely unlikeable.
2. OR, if you like your BIL a lot and want to respect his wishes, tell him that you can no longer invite them both round if you’re unable to call her out on her behaviour.

Every time she asks just laugh like she's said something ridiculous and say NO.

If BIL is worried about her being embarrassed then he needs to tackle it with her and tell her that behaviour is not acceptable.

Make a seagull noise every time she tries to claim something.

Or tell her “no, fuck off you scrounger”.

Awake because it’s 3:41pm Monday afternoon in Australia.

This

Snap. Frustrating isn’t it? At least no
hot flushes this morning lol

The "Ears painted on" made me smile.
I wouldn't invite them. I can't understand why you having a word about her behaviour would have embarrassed her, she isnt embarrassed asking for stuff.