New baby in-laws won't visit as we chose to move away

[dragonflyden]

We have a 12 week baby who in-laws have yet to meet because they won't come and visit as we chose to move away and in their words we made our bed by moving away.
I didn't feel up to travelling the 4 hour journey to begin with to see them but was happy for them to come to us but they refused.
Now with Christmas around the corner I could do the journey in theory but I invited them to us as I thought it would be easier to be at home with all mine and babies things but they have said no they will not be putting themselves out because we decided to move away so we either go to them or not at all.
Not visiting them will mean they don't meet their Grandchild AIBU to think if they can't come and see us then never mind and not bother to travel 4 hours for them to meet their Grandchild?

You've alienated a couple of controlling people here... well done!

You moved away from their area - and so from their area of control... you're inviting them to your mileu, but they won't be in control there so won't come... and now you are the parents, not them - total loss of control for them! This would only have got worse as they saw you growing into your adulthood and parenthood... You will enjoy it far more if you can emotionally detach.

And you have done nothing wrong to be 'punished' for! This is a dysfunctional thing from them.

Congratulations on your new little one! Enjoy your first Christmas together!

I think Cornwall is key here. Many Cornish people want the drawbridge pulled up at the Devon border. Moving away is disloyal. No doubt they wanted a handy extended family. Now they don’t but travelling away from Cornwall is a no because DD is disloyal: people are just stupid!

My FIL drove a 8 hour round trip at the age of 67 and not great health to meet his new GD a few days after she was born. Thy sound odd. It’s up to your son to facilitate. Put down the rope and disengage.

Yes, my DH said this. He had a lot of Cornish connections at on time and saw this quite often. The Tamar Bridge was the limit....bonkers!

This is awful OP. Tell them to get lost and just enjoy your lovely little Christmas

Their loss but sadly your DD will miss out. You do you and leave them to do them! Congratulations 🎊 👏 💐

Wouldn’t worry about it. Their loss, they don’t get to see their grandchild.

Doesn’t this work both ways? The ILs could also be using the “Let them” approach.

Edited to say that I am on OP’s side on this - think it’s bizarre reasoning not to visit purely because their DS and OP have moved away.

Petty much! On the in laws part.

I'd not bother with them at all. When people show you who they are and all...

With that sort of attitude, I'd say you've dodged a bullet, OP. If they don't want to visit, that's up to them. Enjoy your first Christmas with your new baby!

This thread has reminded me of when my dc1 was born and I had to remain in hospital for almost a week.
dh's grandparents (both in their late 80s by this time) spent a couple of hours, and 3 separate buses then quite a walk, to be able to meet their first Great Grandchild. No mobile phones or apps of course then. I was so touched.

I can't get my head round someone in their 40s not wanting to visit their new Grandchild.

Let them does work both ways, its more about setting your own boundaries and not stressing over what other people do.

However it's unreasonable to expect a post partum mum to travel 4 hours with a baby to see fit and healthy in- laws. So the let them advice was to OP to stop stressing, vs what the in-laws may be thinking.

I am really shocked by their attitude.
We had 2 flights , one short flight and one 13 hour flight to see our first grandchild !
unbelievable 😩

Stuff 'em! They clearly can't be arsed and are trying to put the blame on you to make themselves look better.

It's a fact of life that people move away from where they grew up and it's often due to employment/better opportunities.

Their loss...

I don't really understand the "their loss" comments. If they wanted to see their gc they could. They're clearly not bothered so it's no loss to them.

How selfish of them.

You shouldn’t travel 4 hours with a new baby. Does your MIL not remember what the early baby days were like?

My 81 year old widowed mother travels 5 hours each way (a 500 mile round trip) to see her grandchild. Your 40 year old IL’s can make the effort.

Fuck em then! Their loss! They sound controlling to me. I wouldn’t bother. You have other priority’s now anyway

They are being petty and cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Let them.

To quote them: they've made their bed.

Stand your ground. I suspect they'll come round when they realise their nonsense isn't flying with you. And if they don't they aren't worth the bother. Ridiculous people.

Their loss!!

Bloody hell.

4 hours journey with a baby is at least double. All the stopping, feeding nappy changes, etc. Oh my goodness.

What a pair of absolute CUNTS!!!!!!! I’d do anything to see my grandchildren.

I did. Just made lots of stops. Baby was fine.

Being ‘Fine’ isn’t the same as it being in their best interest. HTH.

Definitely wouldn’t be doing it to see people who clearly weren’t interested, or were making me travel with a tiny baby to prove a point. No thanks.

Huh! We willingly did the four hours (exactly) to St Ives to meet baby nephew at 3 weeks old, me, husb, daughters 13 and 9. Had a lovely time. I can still see him lying in his carry cot under the pub Christmas tree looking at the lights as we had a great Sunday lunch. I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

He's 25 now. Still fab.