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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dd choosing friend over our outing together

205 replies

Whatsthepointhey · 22/12/2024 15:40

Dd is 6.
She’s not been well for a while, but started to get better in the last few weeks.
I arranged to go to a special Christmas show as a treat, booked the tickets, we read the book and she got a fancy new dress. I was really excited about this special mother/daughter outing as it’s something I’ve always wanted to go to and to take dd felt really special.
I started to get ready earlier and was asking her to get dressed, whilst I did my make up and would do her hair. She was running around saying she was playing etc. I then heard her calling to her friend over the back, who comes to stay with her auntie some weekends.
She came running upstairs saying how she didn’t want to go to the show, wanted to play with this friend and could she please play with her as she didn’t want to go to the show, she said sorry and pleaded.
What would you have done?

OP posts:
asrl78 · 23/12/2024 19:33

Frankiedear · 22/12/2024 15:54

You are the parent, so parent. Children thrive of boundaries, giving them too may choices / decisions is not good for a 6 year old. It's odd that you are giving this a 2nd thought, she goes to the pre_arranged booked event

I think the OP might be concerned that taking the child to the show might result in a ruined experienced due to whinging whining child for an hour or more. I agree that as a parent you cannot be dictated too by your child, you are the authority.

Arran2024 · 23/12/2024 20:58

My daughter has PDA and never wanted to do anything. She lived totally in the moment. Partly she couldn't plan and organise anything - she couldn't imagine that day's trip to the theatre because she hadn't done it yet, if that makes sense. She hated history because she couldn't imagine being eg a Victorian maid.

Everything was about right now. And so yes she would want to play with the friend in front of her rather than commit to an outing she couldn't envisage.

This is where I would have forced it at 6 - I hadn't heard of PDA then. And she would have had a panic attack, which I would have seen as actantrum. But we would have gone and she would have enjoyed it when she got there and was in it.

Babamukeke1 · 24/12/2024 06:02

I would take her to the show as tickets have been paid for. If you can change the dates and she insists on not going then it would be bed and no friends over. This could be the start of bad habit if you allow this.

Jovilady22 · 24/12/2024 08:54

Definitely should have taken her to the show. You paid for the tickets regardless of how much they were. She certainly wouldn’t be playing with a friend if that was my daughter. What happens next time you want to do something like that with her?

woodlandwanders · 24/12/2024 10:05

So glad she’s so much better, we’re in the same situation. How many times were you prescribed antibiotics and for how long? What was the underlying infection do you know? Was it strep?

@Whatsthepointhey twice, both for 2 weeks. The first time the GP was horrified when I sent an e-consult in, and said I had to take her to A&E immediately - she couldn't even cope with me being in the same corridor as her , but still the nurse wasn't interested in helping & was slating the GP for sending us there until I pretty much had a breakdown in front of her and then she prescribed a course to get rid of us, I think.

The second time, she was flaring badly again & the GP said she'd prescribe just this once, but she needed to see a neurologist for any more. We then got referred to a certain neurologist who the FB group said will write to the GP and tell them never to prescribe antibiotics again. Luckily we moved to a new area before we had to see her!

I firmly believe that if she'd got antibiotics sooner, she wouldn't have spent a year in crisis - it's crazy really, kids with recurrent UTIs can take preventative antibiotics, and most antibiotic resistance is because farmers give them to cows when they're not even needed. This is fine, but young kids with severe mental illness have to suffer.

I think it was strep originally, yeah - she had a cough & was sick a couple of times just before Xmas, and there was lots of strep going round the schools at that time, a kid nearby died from it. She wasn't very poorly at all though so I didn't take her to be checked, but it seems likely.

People are responding without knowing what you're all going through, so I hope the replies aren't getting you down. Normal parenting rules have to go out the window for a bit. You do whatever you need to, and remember things will get better, it won't be this hard forever FlowersFlowers

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