Dd choosing friend over our outing together

[Whatsthepointhey]

Dd is 6.
She’s not been well for a while, but started to get better in the last few weeks.
I arranged to go to a special Christmas show as a treat, booked the tickets, we read the book and she got a fancy new dress. I was really excited about this special mother/daughter outing as it’s something I’ve always wanted to go to and to take dd felt really special.
I started to get ready earlier and was asking her to get dressed, whilst I did my make up and would do her hair. She was running around saying she was playing etc. I then heard her calling to her friend over the back, who comes to stay with her auntie some weekends.
She came running upstairs saying how she didn’t want to go to the show, wanted to play with this friend and could she please play with her as she didn’t want to go to the show, she said sorry and pleaded.
What would you have done?

It is completely normal and needs not to be given in to. Take her to the show and if she feels ill when she’s there, bring her home (bet she doesn’t).

I’d have let her stay with the friend

I think independence in decision making is important for kids as they get older

It's completely normal behaviour.

At 6 though? when tickets booked and all planned for?

Do you think this is normal child behaviour?

Absolutely

She would like the idea of going to things in theory, but then on the day invariably have a more low-key thing she preferred. Would find it hard to understand a commitment/booked tickets and so on. Would like to stay home all day, more than the appeal of "you'll love it when you get there". Would have turned down the Xmas village and ice skating.

Of course not all children who don't want to go somewhere have autism! But some children who do have autism habitually don't want to go to things that others consider "treats".

However, actually my comment isn't as relevant as I thought to the OP, because I misread her OP where she said her daughter had been unwell and that's why she was still not keen to do some activities. I mistakenly thought she was saying in general, her daughter wanted to stay at home.

Don't mean to derail. Just with our new personal diagnosis I'm looking back over all our history of similarly perplexing behaviour!

hahaha and have NO IDEA where Santa came from! Sorry!

But nobody asked her to make a decision.

You can't just let six year olds decide they aren't going on a family outing. What would you do if you were packing for a holiday and your six year old said they didn't want to go? Just stay at home!

Thank you for your feedback x

Yes fair enough - difficult one - maybe go to the show then

Letting a six year old call the shots is a really terrible parenting strategy. You let her decide between plaits or a ponytail, not things like this.

I'd have taken her to the show!

But there wasn't a decision for her to make.

I also felt guilty as she hasn’t seen her friends for a while as has been off school and pleaded for me that she could play with her rather than go to the show

She's 6 not 16!

She has committed to a pre planned, pre paid event. It is also important for children to learn they can't back out of commitments especially when tickets have already been paid for.

OP, frankly I can't believe this is even a debate. She goes to the event and can play with her friend another day. Parent your child.

To answer the question, what would I have done. I would have stopped pandering to a 6 year old!

So did you not go?

I also felt guilty

So you DIDNT go, this thread is after you already missed it?

You need a bit more assertiveness OP, you're in charge

So this has already happened and you let her dictate what happened?

I'd have gone the show of course, 6 year olds are impulsive and excited.

I'd also plan a proper play date with friend another time so they both have that to look forward to.

You didn't really let her stay at home, did you?? You need to step up and parent your child, OP!

So you let her stay home and play? I would suggest parenting and assertiveness classes. Seriously, this is ridiculous.

I wouldn't have let a 6 year old make this decision. I personally think children do need to be taught about committing to things where possible.

But if she doesn’t want to leave the house as feels sick and hasn’t done for a few days?
Under normal circumstances, very different

I would have told her to go and get ready and she could play with her friend another day.

However, this is your trip out and your child, so you can do what you want.

Here are some other things that you might have been about to do. What would you have told your child in these circumstances?

Going to school
Going to swimming (or other paid for) lesson
Going to the dentist
Going to see a relative you don't see very often
Reading a book
Making some cakes
Going to the local park that you go to a lot

I'm guessing that some of these are non-negotiable and some of them are optional. So where does this trip fit into the list?